Fun Size Page #4

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We're not even really gentlemen.

We're barely even men.

Hey, Peng, let's just go.

Count us off.

One! Two! Three!

Ignore him, Peng! Just walk away!

Yeah. Losers talk, winners walk, buddy.

Let's go!

Ten!

We have a situation here

involving a musket and a drumstick.

That gun

doesn't even work, Peng.

He is gonna beat the crap out of you!

You're right, man.

Mike!

Dude, dude, dude. Dude.

Dude, it's chicken. Chill out, dude.

It's just chicken.

It's just chicken, man.

Dude, cops. Let's split.

For the record, those were not real tears!

And Captain Chicken,

your food sucks!

Come on, Peng.

We still need to find Albert

and I can't do it without you.

We're a team, okay?

All four of us.

April?

I thought all I wanted

was a night like this,

but we don't belong out here.

What if we do?

Come on, Peng, let's go.

Come on, Peng!

Peng!

Hey. Hey!

Stop the car, Chicken Boy!

Stop! Police! Hey!

- My God! Go, go, go!

- I'm going!

Come on. Come on.

We got T. P.'ed?

What the hell?

- Stacy Lautner's dad?

- Yeah.

She broke my heart.

Vengeance!

Halloween.

Hit the road, Webster.

I'm gonna show you how

big people get their freak on.

But leave the stash!

I've been rippin' and tearin'

since sundown

and I'm feeling a little snacky!

Ooh, twerk it, twerk it!

You're a pig, Jrgen.

Big guy called Jrgen.

He has this big tattoo on his arm

of a dragon smoking a cigarette.

You even smell creepy.

Come on, let's go.

Cruddy.

Over-the-counter crap.

Is there a bathroom?

Do you have a bathroom?

Excuse me. Sorry.

Yo! Real Housewives of Cleveland!

No. I would never be on that show.

Excuse me.

My God.

My God. I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

I didn't mean to come in...

How good is that book?

Can we...

Can we help you with something?

I was just looking

for a minute by myself

without a party animal

farting in my phone.

Classic Brueder.

No offense.

I mean, your son seems great.

He's an idiot.

Hey, guys, what's up?

Hey, you met. I love this.

Um, quick question.

That rug in the entryway?

How flammable is it?

Is it like fire-retardant

or just regular retardant, or...

Don't even worry about it.

Bee-tee-dubs,

Eddie Oshinki's about to shoot

a ping pong ball out of his whatoosie,

and Keevin really wants you to be there.

It's early in the relationship,

he's still trying to impress her.

Young love, right?

Tea? Anyone?

I would love tea. Thank you.

I'm gonna have to flee to Mexico.

You? I lost my little brother

on Halloween.

They're gonna lock me up for life!

I shot a man!

Actually, you shot a man's chicken.

It's not the same.

What do you want?

- He's here!

- Where?

At the party.

I just saw him a second ago. Hurry.

April found Albert!

They're at Aaron Riley's!

Let's go!

Fuzzy. Bus stop. That way.

So we went to the tow yard

and my car was there.

Spidey wasn't. Where could he be?

Mind telling me

why you were hanging out

with an eight-year-old in the first place?

I was lonely.

Ever since you left,

I've been roommates with my sadness.

Hey, girl, where were you?

Don't ask. I spent my night with Fuzz

trying to find some

one-armed spider-midget.

My God. We know that dude.

We were partying with him.

- You were?

- Yeah, he's awesome.

See, Lara?

It's not like I hang out with

lame eight-year-olds. God!

Where is he now?

I don't know. We lost him.

He was hitting the Rolos pretty hard.

Yeah, that's him.

Hey, ladies, need a ride?

Ew.

Looking good, Lara.

Thank you.

Hey, you take that back right now.

Hey, Lara, is that the guy

who squats when he pees?

- Why would you say that to anybody?

- You do.

I can't believe...

Spidey's stash can.

Spidey.

What kind of crazy sh*t

are you mixed up in?

I think this is it right here.

Make a right.

Hey.

I heard a rumor you shot

Mike Puglio with a musket.

Ls that true?

Yeah.

My man.

Come on, I want to hear all about it.

Hey, everyone.

This is the guy who shot Puglio.

My God, at last.

I just saw him in the living room.

Come on.

Um...

Good idea. We'll split up,

cover more ground that way.

So?

Are you blind? On the stage. Over there.

Check, one, two. Check, check.

I can't believe I actually

thought you found my brother.

Really? Because I totally tried

to make it sound like that on purpose.

You look so familiar.

Were you standing behind me in line

for a mammogram last week?

I think I was, actually.

I did get a mammogram last week, so...

Does everything come out okay?

Yes. Yes, they're...

Thank you. How are yours?

Me, too. I'm good.

Good, good, good.

How'd you meet Keevin?

I met him

at the Starbucks on Shattuck.

We go there.

My son loves Caramel Macchiatos

and that's Keevin's specialty.

- You have a son?

- Yep.

I have a son and a daughter.

Two children. And yet you date Keevin?

Larry.

No, we... l mean, we're not all...

Where's your husband?

For Christ's sake.

Lawrence Reuben Brueder.

I am sorry. He's so nosey.

He's been watching a lot

of Dr. Drew lately.

It's okay. He's dead, actually. He died.

He passed away, and so, um...

You miss him?

Um...

Yeah, I miss my husband.

I miss him a lot.

You know, he was... He was my husband

and so I'm kind of alone.

I have the kids there,

but that's not really comforting

because I'm their mother

and I kind of have to take care

of them all the time.

And my son doesn't really

talk a lot to people.

And then my daughter is talking about

going to school in New York City

and she wants to run across the country,

which is really terrifying to me

because then

she's not gonna be near me

and I don't know how quickly

this all happened

because it feels like she was just a baby

a couple of months ago.

You know, these are things

that happen to people,

and a lot of people

don't even understand

what it's like to be a single mother.

A lot of people don't even get it.

And I'm a single mother. You know?

I'm a single mother, and I'm sitting here

in a Britney Spears costume

at a party with a son of yours

that lives with you.

So, yeah, I miss my husband. I miss him.

What is that tea? It's so good.

I suppose you want

to get back to the kids.

I do, actually.

Come on, Albert, pick up. Pick up.

Yeah.

Hey, whoa, hey!

It's Fuzzy. What's up, man?

I can't believe I found you.

What up, dawg?

Bam. Okay, good.

Follow-up question.

What are you doing in the back

of Jrgen's car?

Do you have any idea

how dangerous that is?

Are you out of your mind?

I like it. It shows gumption.

You got a lot of moxie, kid,

I'll give you that. Bam.

Stash can. Thought you might

like to see that one. Good.

This Jrgen character has taken

a dump on both of us.

But tonight,

tonight, we dump on him.

Guess what's in here?

It's not French fries.

That's dog poo, professional grade.

Come on, look, it's short notice, okay?

Everyone has really tiny dogs these days.

I had to go

to multiple houses just to get this.

I mean, it doesn't even smell.

I don't know what

those people are feeding their dogs.

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