Fun Size Page #5

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What do you got in there?

Fireworks! Very nice.

Yeah.

Who's there?

Yeah.

Yeah, Spidey, come on, let's go.

Spidey, come on.

Come on, Spidey. Spidey?

Hot foot! You think I was born yesterday?

You're gonna have to come

at old Jrgen with something

a little more than a burning bag of...

Ooh!

You!

Jeez! You, come here!

Come here! You!

You little twerp, come here! Come here!

Come here! Stop kicking me! Jeez!

Come on, Fuzzy. Spidey needs you.

Why can't I move?

Stop biting! Stop biting!

Hey.

So...

I was planning to wait

till first snowfall, but...

I think I'd like to collect

on our deal right now.

Go for it.

- Seriously?

- Twenty seconds, no honking.

You know, I think

I'm gonna come in lefty.

My God.

You're an angel.

You're a glorious angel.

How long was that?

That was...

Enough.

Sir, I know I called before,

but could you please

check lock-up one more time?

There's a very real chance

that he's been arrested.

Hello?

Hey.

Hi.

How's it going?

This morning, all I wanted was

to get away from my little brother, and...

Now that I've lost him,

I'd do anything to get him back.

You will.

Are you sure?

I mean, as E.O. Wilson says,

"You are capable

of more than you know."

Of course, he was talking about ants

being able to carry 10 times

their body weight.

So I'm not really sure

if it's applicable to this situation.

Thank you for helping me tonight.

I hope I didn't ruin your Halloween.

What? No.

I never miss an opportunity to hang out

with a fellow fan of the Supreme Court.

Listen, I know this year's

probably sucked for you.

I just wanted to say,

the way that you've

handled everything has been

really impressive.

Thank you.

You know, as much as I admire

Ruth Bader Ginsburg,

I think you're just as smart and strong

and awesome as she is.

Not quite as sexy, but,

you know, you're young. You'll get there.

Seriously,

Wren, I, um... l just wanted to say...

There you are!

Wren...

I'm really sorry about everything.

I'm sorry about losing Albert.

I'm sorry about leaving you

at Captain Chicken.

Be warned, it's about

to get really girly up in here.

Okay.

We haven't had

a super fun night in a long time, and...

I don't know. I just wanted it to be epic.

And maybe I got a little carried away.

You're my best friend, boo. I love you.

I love you, too.

I love you, too.

Meow!

What were you two doing out here?

Nothing.

We were just...

- Talking.

- Don't care.

And now the best part is

Aaron Riley is totally

gearing up right now

to sing a song about you.

- Really?

- Yes, really.

Come on, lady.

You're not in Kansas anymore.

This song goes out

to a special lady. Wren Desantis.

And, please, people,

no recording devices.

I can't afford to have bootlegs out there.

Something about the way your hair.

Falls across your face.

Your ears I want to nibble.

Your lips I want to taste

I only see you in homeroom.

But I think of you all day.

Homeroom lady

I wonder what Roosevelt

was about to say?

He's so nice and funny and smart.

Wait a minute.

It's Aaron Riley!

Focus.

How could someone be so hot?

Do you love me?

Do you not?

Do you?

Part of me really wanted

to believe that if I kissed Aaron Riley,

I'd be somebody else.

Not just for a night, but forever.

And my family would be back to normal,

and everything would be perfect.

I'm sorry.

What's your problem,

- Dora the Explorer?

- Excuse me, sorry.

But then I realized,

perfect is an illusion.

Just like Oz is for Dorothy.

L...

I really appreciate you

writing that song for me.

But

I have to go.

So,

goodbye,

Aaron Riley.

I feel like my heart just broke.

Aww.

Who else wants to kiss me?

- I do!

- Me!

I do!

Roosevelt!

Roosevelt! Wait!

Wait!

What? You called me. Who is this?

This is Jrgen. I got Spidey.

My God! Albert?

You are such a lifesaver.

Where are you?

Wait, it doesn't matter.

I don't have a car.

Do you think maybe

you could drop him off?

Maybe you don't understand.

See, Spidey thought it'd be a fun idea

to leave me a sh*t bomb.

You know what that is?

It's sh*t with a bomb in it!

Now, I got a match next week!

Do you hear me?

What do you want?

Cash.

The fight paid $200 if I lost,

$400 if I won.

Let's say I would have won.

I don't have that kind of money.

I only get $20 a week.

Hey, I don't care.

You got the cash?

Where is he?

Albert, are you okay?

Albert!

Whoa.

You know, playing pranks on

Halloween is one thing.

But a bomb like that, that's terrorism.

Tiny terrorism.

I'm so sorry about your foot.

I'm sure that he didn't mean to hurt you.

I've been training for months.

Do you have any idea what a strict diet

of protein shakes

and Red Bull does to a man?

I have a yeast infection.

I don't have the money.

Well, police it is.

No, please!

Please.

He's all I have left.

Do you have Licensed To III?

The Beastie Boys?

Sister, I was rocking Brass Monkey

when you were still a tadpole

in your daddy's sack.

Look at the liner notes.

Hello? Can you speak?

Please hold.

You're putting us on hold?

Right there. It says "Peter Desantis."

That's my dad.

And this,

this is Mike D's.

You don't expect me

to believe that's Mike D's.

My dad was a sound engineer

in New York.

He worked on their album.

Mike D left his jacket

in the studio on the last day,

so my dad just kept it.

Kind of like I did.

After he died.

Look at the stitching.

Well, I appreciate the donation,

but some kids just belong in prison.

Let's go.

What?

- Let's go!

- No! What do you mean?

- I mean, let's go!

- No, you said... Albert!

No, stop!

Albert! Let go of me!

Yeah!

What the hell?

Who wants some?

Albert!

My beans!

Yeah!

Sir? Still holding,

and I really need to go to the bathroom.

Albert!

Come on. Let's go.

No, Albert!

Come here, boy!

Albert!

Where are you going?

Come on, Albert, hurry!

Come on, Spidey,

I got you covered!

Hi.

Hello. I'm here to rescue you.

Trick or treat, b*tch!

Woo-hoo!

Yeah!

Okay.

I'm... What are you doing?

I'm saving the day.

I'm sorry, who are you?

Sorry. My name's Fuzzy.

- Ooh. Yeah.

- Okay, this...

Sorry, you have bad timing.

- They're getting closer, you know.

- Yeah, yeah, sorry.

Hey, Spidey.

When you're ready to talk,

I'm around to listen.

Thanks for helping a brother out tonight.

Okay.

Bam.

Slam dunk.

Hey. Whoo! Over here!

Hey, coppers! I'm crazy!

- It's a naked man!

- Go!

I'm naked! Come get me, coppers!

I'm a loon!

Come on. Let's go.

You'll never take me alive!

Hoo hoo hoo hoo!

It has to be

the best one we've done.

For sure. In this series.

Well, you know why?

Because our heart is in this one.

Yeah. And it's evolved.

It's evolved, our understanding of it.

Our understanding evolved.

Roosevelt?

- Is everything okay?

- Where have you been?

I messed up, Moms. I messed up bad.

Ba-b-b-b-b!

No, No, I can't.

I'm not gonna say it in Greek or Aramaic

or any other pre-Christian language.

Okay. You know that girl, Wren?

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