Funny About Love Page #3

- Sotto Voce is pretentious to you?

Do you know how big a commitment

that job is? It's 18-hour days.

Six, sometimes seven days a week.

We couldn't fit sex in, let alone a baby.

- So we'll wait.

- For the baby.

Tell him you'll take the job.

- I don't think I can do it.

- You can do it!

Say I said that you make the best

cappuccino in the United States.

- It's twitching.

- What's going on with the lights?

I think we blew a fuse.

Help! Call the super.

This is what I'm talking about.

How could you do this?

I owe him my career.

Don't you remember working for him,

canvassing with me?

I remember being on Columbus Avenue

in winter without a scarf.

That's a reason to destroy his life?

While I'm working for him?

- You shouldn't work so hard.

- I wouldn't if we had grandchildren.

- Vivian has three adorable kids.

- Two! Roger's a little sh*t.

He's not a little sh*t.

Oh, you're kidding! Oh, my God!

I don't believe this!

They don't make this any more!

Meg's been trying to get this stove

for two months. I'll be right back.

I want to tell her

what's written on the crate.

Go ahead. I'll be here

with my head in the oven.

- What is this for? The bedroom?

- Hey, lady, get out of there!

Would you move?

Hello, it's me, your husband.

Have you got a pen or a pencil handy?

Write this down.

Calleverde Brothers, lmporters.

Yeah. 'Cause that's what it says

on the side of the crate.

What have we been searching for

for two months? Yes, positive.

I'm sure of it,

because it's got the little white...

- It wasn't my fault!

- Ma!

- Are you OK?

- Yeah.

I just can't get over the way she...

Well, I guess she died

the way she lived.

- Like Wile E Coyote?

- Oh, Duffy, would you stop that?

Duff...

That was a very nice talk

you gave at the service.

What did I say?

How Mom was always in a hurry,

couldn't wait.

She managed to get death over with

just like that, one fell swoop.

- It was good.

- I miss her already.

Jakey! Oh, honey.

Get out of here, Roger.

Roger, hey, come with me, buddy.

Oh, it's OK, honey. It's OK.

Don't cry, don't cry.

Please! It's just water.

It's not going to hurt you.

Please don't cry.

You're going to make me cry.

Oh, Duff.

I know, I know.

Four, five, six, seven,

eight, nine, ten, eleven.

Roger, you're a little sh*t!

Roger, honey, come here

and give Mommy a kiss.

The hobgoblins came down the hill

and made their camp on the shore.

At the bottom of the lake there lived a...

- Bear.

- A bear! Right!

With a lot of fantastic

scuba-diving equipment

and a great big spear gun

so he could hunt for the...

- Junk.

- The junk?

- The junk?

- The lake has junk, Uncle Duffy.

That's right. You're right, Jakey.

It's sad but true.

You are the most incredible kidlet,

and you're not even ticklish!

Are you?

- Oh, he is!

- I want one.

- What?

- I want one of those.

I want us to try and have a baby again.

- What?

- I know. I'm breaking my word.

I want you to be happy and do exactly

what you want and you are doing that.

I said, "We can wait." But I'm a liar.

I lied. I should be

somebody's press secretary.

Whoa, wait a second, Duffy. I can't.

I can't go through all that again

right now. We agreed to wait.

How many more years do you think

you can have a child?

OK, we'll do it.

You don't mean that.

You're just saying that.

No, I do. I just...

- I don't know.

- Maybe it would work.

- They said it was very possible.

- OK.

- OK, we'll try again.

- You won't hate me for it?

- I'll hate you, but we can try.

- As long as we can try.

That's the only thing I care about.

- Your own champagne.

- Oh, my God!

- And your own...

- What? Restaurant?

- Sotto Voce.

- My own restaurant! Oh, Ellis!

- Really?

- One condition.

- Behave, Ellis.

- No chops, no fries, no apple crisp.

You must stick to the Sotto Voce menu.

- It's a deal.

- Bravo.

Happy Fourth of July.

- Hello?

- Hello? Duff? Hi.

I thought you'd be home by now.

Something's come up, honey.

Do you remember Ellis Hayden?

Yes, you do. Ellis is one

of the partners in Sotto Voce.

He's editor of Glare Magazine.

Go ahead. Ellis Hayden.

Well, anyway,

Ellis is giving me Sotto Voce.

He's making me head chef.

Isn't that unbelievable?

It happened, just like you said.

We're celebrating.

I thought we were celebrating

the birth of the nation

with our own birth thing.

Yeah, we were, honey, but...

I'm ovulating.

I think my temperature's perfect.

OK, you're right.

I'll just ease my way out of here.

I'll make up some excuse.

Wait a minute. You only get

your first restaurant once in your life.

We've got a million nights like this

in our lives.

Honey, you'd tell me if it wasn't OK.

Sure, sure, it's all right.

- Listen...

- Duffy, I love you.

Well, I like you very much.

- Bye.

- Bye.

At 12 o'clock, Claire's bringing lunch.

My kids are going to come...

- Hi.

- Good to see you both.

Come on in.

This isn't going to take long.

I have some documents for you to sign

that pertain to your mother's estate.

Couldn't this have waited

until dinner tomorrow night?

I'm sorry, dear,

but I have plans for tomorrow night.

- What kind of plans?

- I'm seeing someone.

You're seeing someone?

- That's right.

- What about Mom?

Mom's dead.

What kind of question is that?

Show a little patience.

These things are difficult for children.

I wouldn't be concerned, Viv.

We're not even serious... yet.

Well, I guess it's all right

if you want to bring your date.

I'm sorry, honey,

but we're going away for the weekend.

Going away? Claus von Blow didn't

work this fast. Who is this woman?

Her name is Claire.

She's a recruiter here at the firm.

- Are you seeing anybody else?

- No.

- Is that so surprising?

- You've narrowed down to one woman.

I pictured you taking

on the whole League of Women Voters.

Kids, I found I don't like living alone.

I'm not used to it.

I hate it.

So what would you have me do?

- Hire a maid.

- To sleep with?

You sleep with her?

You mean...? You mean...?

Duffy, I know it's hard for you to accept,

but she makes me happy.

Because you're happy

is a good reason to be content?

Hi. Oh, I'm sorry, Emil.

I didn't realise you were with clients.

- Emil? Emil!

- Oh, come on in.

Say hello to Duffy and Vivian.

Kids, this is Claire Raskin.

- Hello.

- Hello.

Hi. So, have you two

been married long?

Till the birth of our idiot child.

- Then we were forced to break up.

- But you told me Duffy was married.

I did. Duffy is my son.

Vivian is my daughter.

- I'm Duffy.

- I'm Vivian.

So you're not married?

No, they are. Vivian's married to Steve.

Duffy is married to Meg.

At least, I think he is.

OK. Now I've got it straight.

For a conversation like this,

we could have kept Mom on life support.

It's almost like a curse, you know,

that great review in The Times.

We've been overbooked

every single night.

These people are

so unbelievably demanding.

Oh, and did I tell you?

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