G.B.F. Page #4

And I was about three months behind

On all of the latest abbreves.

Incredsies.

Ugh, fug, in the good way.

Ohh! This one is tally

"feroshe"-balls.

"Feroshe"-balls?

That's what we're calling it.

Here, sweetie.

Since we found out

One, two, three.

Anything can happen

Oh, my god.

Praising the leather god.

Anything can happen

Anything can

How do we look together?

I love it!

It was a straight-up

makeover-Montage situation,

And all I could think of

was how much Brent

Would have lived

for every second of it.

I guess we thought

that's just what humans do

With Brent, Sophie, and Glenn,

it was always so easy.

I never worked so hard

just to have friends.

But without Fawcett

and the other clique queens

Watching my back,

I was a sitting duck.

But now I've seen it through

Good morning, ladies.

Hey.

So, you speak to traitor...

Excuse me, I mean Tanner...

This weekend?

Well, no, actually.

I called him like 50 times,

and no responses.

You two really need to work it

out. I mean, it's like...

Uh, ladies...

I know it's gonna be

Oh, yeah

Uh-huh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

But I don't think I need you

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

He united them.

I can't believe this.

I can't believe

how tight his pants are.

And is he wearing bronzer?

He's spray-Tanner now.

Before,

I could move through this school

Unnoticed, invisible.

But as the G.B.F., Well,

I was kind of indestructible.

The up-close view of 'topher,

'Shley's hot Mormon boyfriend,

Wasn't bad, either.

For once, I was actually

kind of enjoying the spotlight.

What do you think

you're doing with that...

That ho... Ho... Ho...

Ho-ho?

This is a Twinkie.

Homosexual.

I'm talking

about that other Twinkie,

Your new apparent B.F.F.

Tanner?

He's super nice, actually.

Like not pure evil at all, really.

I mean, maybe we're wrong.

'Shley, this is not god's plan.

I think that means "time-out."

This is part of the polygamists'

plot, isn't it?

The pastor always said

it's a slippery slope.

First come the gays.

Then next thing we know,

You people will want multiple

sister-wife prom dates.

Well, I'm taking a stand.

Consider this my resignation

from the O-M-G club.

I can't be a part of a group

Whose leader is in league

with sodomites.

What's a sodomite?

I think it's like dust mite,

but with sod.

Oh.

In times of crisis, I turn to Lilo.

I mean, I know he's angry at me,

but, like...

how could he do this?

Tanner's just doing his best

Trying not to get his ass kicked.

I mean, aren't we all?

I'm not letting him off that easy.

This literally could

not get any worse.

Actually, it can.

You know how the paper

Has its prom-court

preview issue coming up?

Yeah.

I got a proof.

Tanner is the undisputed

front-runner

For prom king this year.

And it's...

It's not even close, really.

What offends me more than anything

Is the hypocrisy

and sexism of it all.

If I were to come out as a lesbian,

Would I all of a sudden be

a top candidate for prom queen?

I think not.

Congratulations, your Majesty.

This has got to be a joke.

Oh, it's no joke.

You're pretty much a lock.

Yeah, you've got all our votes.

And the votes of our various

minions and mini-mes.

As for queen, they've got us

in a three-way.

Tie, that is.

Most kids are undecided.

They're waiting for you

to tell them what to think.

Me?!

Everyone knows that 'mos

Are always way ahead of

what's hot and what's so not.

Well, on a completely

unrelated topic,

I made you a batch of my famous

Brigham yum-yum double fudge

brownies last night.

'Shley, are you special?

Gays don't do carbs.

Yeah, a carb to a 'mo is

like sunlight to a vampire.

Carbs make gay people sparkle?

So, I'm thinking maybe

we should hang out

Just the two of us tonight,

sans "C" and 'Shley.

Will they be cool with that?

Those b*tches can suck it.

I'm so over sharing you.

Psst. Um, psst. Hey.

Soledad.

Remember me?

How could I forget?

This is an "a" and gay

conversation,

So kindly see your next

Tuesday out of it.

Um, well, Tanner,

I just wanted to let you know

That there's a G.S.A. Meeting

after school, so I thought...

He doesn't want to join your

little fag-hag training club.

That is a highly inflammatory term.

I mean, Soledad, you did out

me to the entire school.

Think of all the other

gay kids at this school

That are still languishing

in the closet.

You could be a real

role model for them.

That's not my problem.

Hey, so, we heard a vicious rumor

That Fawcett's snagged you

all to herself after school?

Word travels fast.

Well, if that's how

we're gonna play it,

I'm calling you after school Friday

For one-on-one audition prep.

We're gonna turn the shiz

out of "The Wiz."

And Thursday you're all mine.

'Topher and I are

gonna cook you din-din.

Fawcett had made her move,

but it looked like

The other queens weren't

going down without a fight.

And then Friday night

is Cameron woods' party.

We'll all be there, including

'Shley for some reason.

I'm bringing enough diet,

caffeine-free ginger ale for everybody.

Wow. Well, I guess my week's

planned out, then.

Mm-hmm. We've so got you

booked, b*tch. Boom.

Wow.

This really works.

Or did you prefer the other one?

I'm really not very good at this.

Tanner, I don't actually think

That gays have a heightened

sense of fashion.

I'm just asking you

to look at two options

And choose the one you prefer.

I like the one from before.

Those kind of give you

'90s mom ass.

Ah, thank you!

That is just the kind

Of bitchy gay insight

I'm looking for.

So, the bitchier I am,

the more you'll like me?

Exactly.

But don't push it.

You sure have a lot of stuff.

I know.

Don't you love?

I kind of have a thing

for labels...

Chanel, Versace,

Gay, fiercely fabulous.

That's kind of like

your new comic strips.

Books.

Whatevs.

I'd much rather say hello

to a new handbag

Than a friend or boyfriend.

And they're much easier to return.

Is that why you and Hamilton

broke up?

Now, he is someone

Who doesn't understand

the value of a label.

Somehow me being

his "girlfriend" meant

The whole cheerleading squad

suddenly became

His own personal hookup harem.

Gross.

But now I've got you, b*tch.

Seriously, though.

I feel like I can be myself

around you, you know?

You're not trying to

screw me like a guy

Or threatened by me like

every other girl in school.

I guess that's the appeal

of this whole G.B.F. Thing.

Not sure what I get out of it.

Duh... you get to hang out with me.

Okay, um...

I could help you with

your chemistry homework.

You're getting a "C," right?

Mm.

I'm actually kind of brills when

it comes to science-y stuff.

Really?

Can you keep a secret?

Okay, my hair

is only 99.9% flawless.

I mix all of my own hair serums

and conditioners in here.

I'll have my own hair-care

line one day

On, like, QVC or something,

finally make it big.

That's when I realized

Fawcett was more than just popular.

She was actually kind of cool.

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