G.B.F. Page #8

You're not on our list

of approved students.

What?

This being an Indie operation,

we've got very limited space,

But I'm sure Caprice's

old-fashioned loser dance

Has plenty of tickets

available. Thank you.

Fawcett, what the hell was that?!

Tan, if we want to pull off this

whole gay-inclusive-prom thing,

We're gonna have to

keep it kind of... exclusive.

Look, I didn't make up these rules,

But a fugly prom is a failed prom.

So wrong.

You smell great.

Thank you.

I told you.

This is crazy.

It's like freaking

high-school "game of thrones"

Out here or something.

Sorry, Ellen Jr.,

But you can't take

Your poor man's Portia

to this dance.

Try the pro-sodomy prom.

You do know that oral

counts as sodomy, right?

So, with the amount of going

down that goes down at prom,

You might want to rethink

the concept. Right, Brent?

By the way, did they change

the official prom song

To "trapped in the closet"

just for you?

Nice try, lies-bian,

but I know for a fact

That my boo Brent

is as straight as they come.

Like Kanye or Diddy or Tyler Perry.

Whatev.

Er. Whatever.

The full word.

I said it all.

'tophie, I want to go to cool prom.

Hey, 'Shley,

you know Caprice calls you

A Ginger-snatch

behind your back, right?

She does?

Well, Fawcett said your religion

Is just scientology without

birth control or famous people.

Well, you know what?

"F" you both.

She'll be fine.

And we'll take two tickets to

the 100% totally un-gay prom.

Thank you.

Mm. Cute shorts.

And you.

I hear you and spigot here

are denying

Certain less-than-favorable

people tickets.

Relax, "so-fat."

You and "memoirs of a gay nerd"

are allowed to come.

I'm giving you a temporary pass

to the cool kids' table.

We wouldn't come

if you paid us, Fawcett.

Or should I say "fascist"?

It's your social funeral, sweetie.

I'll start mourning now.

So-fat! I mean, Sophie...

Damn it... Wait!

You know what?

You both have become so much more

Than these b*tches'

sexless accessories.

You've become full-blown tools,

In every sense of the word.

Oh.

Tanner. Tanner.

Tanner! Tanner!

Tanner!

What is your deal?

I can't do this anymore!

Excuse me?

The last I checked,

this was all for you.

Is it?

You know I actually started to

believe that you were my friend?

But what is this, really?

Am I just some tool to you,

A wrench so that you can screw

over Caprice and 'Shley?

Wrenches don't screw things.

God, you are gay.

But you're right.

Look, at first I just wanted

to keep you to myself.

After Hamilton dumped me...

Yeah, it's true, he dumped me...

I thought I needed you

by my side to win.

But it's different now.

I really like hanging

out with you...

for real.

Then why create a separate prom?

I mean, you're gonna win

queen no matter what.

Don't be so sure.

I took a peek at the polling data.

I rule with the popular kids,

But the other 90%,

the rest of the school,

Just think I'm a soulless b*tch.

I mean, they'd rather

vote for 'Shley.

At least she's nice.

Caprice...

She's got talent.

What have I got?

You have me.

Really?

You're more than what people

see on the surface, Fawcett,

And you're the only one

who stood up for me

When it really mattered,

so let's make a compromise.

You let everyone come

to the alterna-prom,

And I'll make sure that

you get that crown.

Deal?

Yeah.

Thanks, all of you, for helping

to keep our prom gayness-free.

So, I'm thinking, activity-wise,

how about a promise-ring booth?

So charming.

Love it.

Promise rings for prom.

Cute.

I've got a little bit of a

different plan, all right?

Listen up, ladies.

Tanner and Fawcett are poaching

All the cool kids for

their little pansy prom.

If we don't act quick, we

won't have enough people

For a halfway-decent hokey pokey.

What we need to do is

start "Prom-oting" prom.

You feel me?

Amazing.

Whoo! Yeah!

Hmm. Don't you think this might

be a bit over-the-top, Brent?

I'm just fighting

flamers with flame.

A la, a la la,

would you be kind?

Gimme one little more,

and I'll be superfine

A la la, a la la

Hey.

Oh, my god!

Relax, dude.

I just wanted to tell you how

much I admire your passion.

You're really... organized.

I mean, when I heard about

Tanner going to prom

With that other dude, I was

totally grossed out, too.

Right, bro? I mean, like,

two dudes, like...

Ugh! Ugh. Ick.

Blah. Yeah.

So, um, do you want to

feel how straight I am?

Come again.

Whoa. Is this actually

happening, or is this a dream?

Because I just changed

my sheets yesterday.

No, it's real, bro.

Oh, my god.

Wait. Wait.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

How did you know?

I mean, did Tanner tell you?

No, dude, I figured it out myself.

Tanner won't even look at me

since I tried to get with him.

Mmm. Mmm.

Wait. What am I doing?

No, no way, no.

I cannot have Tanner's

rejected sloppy seconds.

I have too much self-respect.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have some anti-gay

Prom posters to finish.

Mmm.

So close. God damn it!

I am so sorry.

You got me shrunk like a...

"Prom is short for

promenade, not prom-n-aids."

No one but Brent could

come up with a pun

That simultaneously

lame and offensive.

I told you...

He has officially lost it.

What the sh*t were you thinking?!

This language is unacceptable!

Principal Crowe, as

a devout Mormon,

I think the signs are all

totally true and appropriate.

Oh, in what universe would

"boutonnieres, not butt sex!"

Be appropriate for a prom slogan?

Yeah, and "no tossing salads"?

I got the cafeteria

ladies coming in here

Asking me if I changed the menu!

I've got news

organizations calling me,

Not to mention the ACLU.

Facebook!

People are tweeting about this!

We... We weren't thinking.

Well, I'm particularly disappointed

In you, Mr. Van Camp.

I expected more of you.

I was thinking about

suspending you all.

But instead I'm just

gonna cancel prom.

Oh, wait, no!

You can't do that!

Wait a minute. That'll turn

us into social pariahs.

Yeah, that's not fair. You're

not canceling their prom, too.

That prom is out of principal

Crowe's jurisdiction,

And its organizers haven't

been promoting a hate.

Now get out of here before I change

my mind about the suspensions.

That was terrific restraint.

Thank you.

Well, Tanner, looks like we've

now got the only game in town.

Though, Brent, I have

to give you some props.

Those signs were pretty Hilar.

Later, later.

Sorry.

Onward, Christian soldiers.

They want to cancel our prom?

Then we will organize a protest

Of their deviant

dance of debauchery.

She's right, "b."

The whole "me being prom

queen" ship has sailed.

But take it from an actress...

If we can't be in the spotlight,

We can sure make one

hell of a scene.

Family values!

Family values! Family...

'tophie, how could you?

Those signs that you made

were just so, so mean.

Babe, I was just trying to

protect our relationship.

Oh, well, congratulations.

You just did the opposite.

We are so done-zo.

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