George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing Page #4

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...is because each of these items,

reminds me in life...

every time I... one of them occurs,

reminds me over and over again...

...what beasts we human beings really are,

you know...

...when you get right down to it,

when you get right down to it...!

...human beings are nothing more than

ordinary jungle beasts! Savages!

No different from the Cromagnon

people who lived 25,000 years ago,

in a place that seemed far

as it can (unintelligible)

No different! Our

DNA hasn't changed

substantially in a

hundred thousand years!

We're still operating

out of the lower brain!

The reptilian brain! Fight or flight!

Kill or be killed!

Now, we like to think we've evolved

and advanced...

...because we can build a computer,

fly an airplane, travel underwater...

...we can write a sonnet, paint a painting,

compose an opera... But you know something?

We're barely out of the

jungle on this planet!

Barely out of the f***ing jungle!

What we are...

...is semi-civilized beasts...

...with baseball caps and

automatic weapons!

And this civilization of ours,

that we're so proud of...!

This civilization, with its

so-called civilized behaviour...

Do you ever stop to realize how fragile

all this is...?

How fragile the whole struc...

How easily could

just break right down?

Just break right down!

Wouldn't take much!

Probably happen in less than two years!

Wouldn't take much to throw us right

back into barbaric times!

All you have to do, would be

eliminate electricity!

That's all! But completely!

Eliminate electricity! So...

No electricity, no lights!

You're back to candles, and

lanterns, campfires and bonfires...

Batteries couldn't

be recharged...

Gerenators couldn't be refuelled,

because fuel is pumped electrically...

So is water, by the way! So no

lights, no fuel, no water...

No computers! And

computers run everything!

And among the many things computers run,

and they operate on electricity...

...are all of the security systems in all

of our jails and prisons...!

...and nuthouses! So, suddenly...

...without electricity, all across america,

the gates and cell doors...

...of penitentiaries and mental

institutions would fly open...!

...and out would come all of our

old friends!

...the ones who've been away...

...at camp!

Serial killers, mass

murderers, felony rapists,

armed robbers, carjackers,

home invaders...

Thieves, burglars, kidnappers, sadists,

paedophiles, sexual predators, pimps...

Pushers, pornographers, speed freaks,

crackheads, sick junkies...

All the ethnic street gangs! Black, Spanish

and Asian gangs, Japanese yakuza...

Russian mafia, and neo-nazis, white

supremacists, Sicilian hitmen...

Italian mobster, Jamaican

and Colombian drug gangs...

And those are just the ones

we caught...!

Let's not forget their counterparts!

Still on the outside! Right now!

Waiting to hook up with

their prison buddies!

So they can start a

new organization!

The American Federation of Sociopaths!

Just what the country needs!

Another special interest group!

Eight to ten million of them may be!

Counting all the parolees,

and all the probationers, and the ones

that have never been caught...

Eight to ten million!

Bitter, angry,

violent, sexually

hyperactive alpha-males...

...with nothing to do! No hobbies!

No medications!

No scruples! Just a bunch of bad guys

looking for a good time!

Maybe dropping by your house!

"Hi! Hope we're not intruding!"

"Got any beer?

Oh, good! Well, I've got about fourteen

hundred really thirsty guys here...!"

"How about women?

Got any women?...

...Oh, just your wife, huh?"

"Well, I think we could make that work!"

"Now boys! There's a lady here...

So I want you to mind your manners..."

"And wait your turn..."

Police wouldn't help you! They'd be

gone at the first sign of trouble!

They'd be home protecting

their own families...!

So would the Army and the

National Guard! You'd be alone!

You'd be on your own!

You'd be S.O.L. and J.W.F.!

"Sh*t out of luck and

jolly-well f***ed!"

"Sh*t out of luck and

jolly-well f***ed!"

After a couple of years

of living like that...

...beheadings will be the least

of your problems!

People will be lining up

to be beheaded...!

So let's get back to suicide,

which now seems like a

reasonable alternative...!

Suicide is an interesting topic to me...!

...because it's an inherently

interesting decision!

To decide voluntarily not to exist anymore!

It's profound!

You know what it is?

It's the Ultimate Makeover!

That's why I think it

belongs on television!

In this depraved culture we live in...?

...with all these reality shows?

Suicide and television would be a natural!

I'll bet you can have an All-Suicide

channel on cable TV!

I bet you! Sh*t! They've got all golf!

What the f***! Huh?

Goddam! Jesus!

Do you ever watch golf?

It's like watching flies f***!

If you can get a bunch of

brainless a**holes and insist

them to waste a sunny afternoon,

on that kind of sh*t...

...you know you can get some people

to watch them suicides...!

All day long! 24 hours a day! Nothing but

suicides! Must-die TV!

You can get a lot of

people watching that sh*t!

You can get a lot of people

volunteering to be on it, too!

Just so their friends can see them on TV!

People are f***ing goofy!

You can get a lot of volunteers!

You can get all of them leftovers

a**holes on "Let's Make a Deal!"

They'll be lining up around the block!

Pushing each other out the way!

Putting on them funny capes

and caps and headpats

and make them up call

themselves "Captain Suicide!"

Guys will be competing for

most unusual methods!

People will be jumping

off them silos, lighting

themselves on fire, putting

rat poison on their taco...

Drinking "Mop-and-Glo",

sticking mothballs up their ass...

You'd probably have some weird

f*** show figure how to

kill himself with dental

floss and a Stinger missile!

People are f***ing goofy!

I bet you could find you a married couple!

In this country? Sh*t!

I bet you! You can

find a married couple!

In one of them trailer

parks or something...

...who'd be perfectly willing

to sit in a love seat...

...and blow each other's head off

with shotguns!

...while a love song is playing!

People are f***ing nuts!

This country is full of

nitwits and a**holes!

Did you ever notice that?

Oh my goodness, yes!

Oh my goodness, right!

Nitwits, a**holes, f***-ups, scumbags,

jerk-offs and dipshits!

...and they all vote!

They all vote, yeah!

In fact, sometimes you get the impression

they're the only ones who vote!

You can usually tell us they've doing the voting

by looking at the f***ing election returns!

Man, sure it ain't me out

there wasting my time

in a meaningless activity like that!

You know those people on

the Jerry Springer Show?

Those are the average Americans!

Oh yeah? Believe me!

Below average can't get on the show!

Can't get on! Below average just sit

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