Ghost Team One Page #8

I can't even f***ing get hard, man,

not even a f***ing half-chubber.

I don't know what the f***

is going on with my dick!

I popped six Viagras and

none of them worked, man!

Oh, my God!

Where's my Shake Weight?

F*** this sh*t!

F*** this sh*t!

F*** this sh*t. F*** it all.

Billy?

What the f*** are you doing here?

Have you been here this whole time?

Have you heard from Sergio?

Is he in here?

Sergio?

Sergio?

Billy, follow me in here.

Sergio?

Sergio! Sergio!

What the f***, dude? Just back up.

I thought you were dead, man.

The first thing I said

was not to come into my room,

and you bring Billy along.

I'm uncomfortable with...

Billy's been sitting here the whole time.

I didn't even know he was here!

Jesus Christ!

What the f*** is that smell?

I am naked under my covers,

so please just back away.

Don't do that, please.

- I was worried about you!

- I'm feeling very vulnerable

and I need you guys

to please leave right now.

- Did you see the ghost?

- I didn't see the ghost.

- I didn't either.

- So it didn't work out,

and now I just need five minutes

to put some underwear on.

Please, just don't sit,

don't touch my bed...

Where's your underwear?

I'll get them for you.

No, don't get

my underwear for me. Stop it!

What's up, Billy?

I mean, there are things

that I'd be willing to do for research

and there are things that...

Just too much sometimes.

I saw tentacle porn.

You mean, like, a cartoon?

No, the real deal.

Real tentacles with real people

putting their junk in it.

It's...

I miss Fernanda.

Yeah.

Hi! This is Fernanda.

Please leave a message.

Hey! Fernanda, what's going down?

It's Sergio.

I miss you, Fernanda.

I'm sorry, I'm such an idiot

for misinterpreting

you making out with me

and you letting me grab

your b*obs and stuff.

I just never felt this way, you know?

I don't even wanna f*** you,

I wanna make love to you.

The project, you know,

is more important

than whatever's happening

between you and me or...

Or Brad, or your boyfriend.

Which, you know, if you wanna

bring him around sometime,

just so he doesn't feel weird

about stuff, that's totally cool.

I feel like dancing,

you know what I'm saying?

I'm in love, I'm in love

and I don't care who knows it!

What I'm trying to say

is that I'm a grown-ass man

and you don't need to

worry a damn thing, girl. I'm serious.

I don't know if your

voice mail's getting full,

but it cut me off this

time a little bit earlier.

I'm such a rambler.

Fast forward through this one,

go to the...

Fast forward through

the second, fast forward...

And then go to the first, and that's

where it starts, so we're backtracking.

Just... I don't even

know if this is recording.

Mailbox full.

No!

Feel me knocking?

Let me in. Talk to you soon.

I'm in love!

It smells like f***ing dick.

Brad! You gotta come

and look at this right now.

Hold on.

No, no, no, don't hold on. Please, just...

Hold on. Let me just clean up.

- Hey, do you have, like, a...

- Dude, listen, listen...

I just saw a security cam and...

Brad, watch out!

- Hey, guys.

- What's wrong with you?

- Hey, Chuck.

- How's it going?

- Good, man. How are you?

- You guys hungry?

- No. No!

- I'm hungry.

- I made some pho.

- Some what?

- Pho.

- What is that?

It's a traditional

Vietnamese noodle dish.

Can I taste it?

- Sure.

- Don't taste it, Brad.

- Can I have some?

- We gotta work, remember?

- Shut up! I'm hungry.

- No, please don't.

- No.

- Of course, you can.

- Just a little bit.

- All right, just... F***ing just...

No, we're gonna...

No, no. F***ing don't.

It's good, right?

You made that?

We're gonna work real quick.

- We're under a lot of stress because...

- That's fantastic, Chuck.

- ... we have a deadline and...

- That sounds fun.

- That's a great robe.

- Hey, Billy.

Brad, I gotta show you something.

- Wow!

- Tasty, huh?

- Yeah!

- Sure you don't wanna try some?

No, I'm good, 'cause I really gotta work.

Try some, Serge.

- No, no, I'm good now.

- He made us food, man.

After we work, we'll have all the pho

that I can handle.

We don't have to work!

- Please.

- Get over yourself.

- But thank you, it was very generous.

- Okay.

Bye, Billy.

Can you smell that, dude?

F***ing throw it up. Throw it up.

Throw it up. Just throw it up.

We can't eat that sh*t.

Come here. Come here, come here.

You gotta look at the f***ing footage.

I just f***ing saved your life.

Thank me later. Come on.

- And what am I looking at here?

- What the...

Just look at him.

- Is he smoking?

- Yeah.

That's the opium pipe we found,

you know?

Yeah. Yeah.

Is that what you were gonna show?

Yeah, he's not sober anymore.

- That's f***ed up.

- No, no, look at him. Look at him now.

Look at him now. Look at his face.

That's just O.P.P. face, baby.

That's not... You're making...

First of all,

you need to get off this whole,

"I-know-what-opium-does-to-people,"

'cause you have no clue.

- Yes, I do.

- No, you don't!

At least he's not doing cocaine

and sh*t. He's way nicer on opium.

This is not the face of a man that's

on opium or any other kind of drug.

- Yes, it is.

- This is a man

that's got a demon inside of him.

Listen to yourself for a second, okay?

It's O.P.P. face.

Do you think it's a coincidence,

that he's wearing an Asian...

Whatever that is...

Thrift store. LA, welcome.

Do you think it's a coincidence

that he's cooking pho?

Chef lessons, he paints,

he's a f***ing artist, well-rounded.

- Big deal.

- You are a f***ing blockhead.

I don't even know what that means.

Do you not see the pattern?

It's Asian stuff!

Asian. Lady Azalea's Asian.

- Asian! Possessed! Asian!

- He's picking up...

He's trying out different cultures.

How else do you want me to spell it out?

Remember when he tried

being Turkish for a while?

- Holy sh*t! How hard is this...

- Hey, boys.

What are you guys watching?

- We're just doing the... A movie.

- We were watching a video.

- You wanna come in?

- Yeah.

Yeah, take a seat. All right.

- Is that me?

- No...

- Yeah, that's you.

- Well, it's just footage, you know.

I'm a movie star.

That's a good one.

Can I... Let's watch?

Well, I think, you know,

we should probably...

Start it over for him.

He's just smoking some opium.

You're so brave, aren't you?

Can't believe I told you guys

not to film me.

Can you believe that?

I mean, it just kinda, just does its thing.

It's just on a loop recording.

We have no control over it.

What am I doing there?

You're just...

You know, let's just,

let's just pause it. It's just...

- Press play.

- I just...

No, I don't think it's a good idea.

Come on, press play.

I really must insist, Chuck...

Press play!

Come on. What are you doing?

Let's go, let's go!

Come on. Come on, man.

Come on, get the f***...

- We gotta go.

- Wait, wait, wait.

- We gotta go.

- He's not following us. Just calm down!

Back up, Billy! Not now.

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