Goats Page #4

---

And we'll have the baby by then.

Hello?

Hello. May I please speak

with Ellis Whitman?

Just a minute.

It's for you.

Is it my mother?

No, it's your roommate. He's very polite.

- What?

- I got pot!

I meant what I said about Telluride.

I think it'd be great

for you to come out this summer.

I don't think so.

- Frank, come on.

- Are you kidding, honey?

He shows up drunk for Thanksgiving dinner.

You sneak out last night

to do God knows what.

How are you going to stay in school?

I'm getting all As

except for an A- in Latin.

Mea culpa.

How do you expect me to do this

when you don't give a sh*t?

You don't give a sh*t, either.

- Are you kidding me?

- Okay. Guys?

All right.

You know,

if you were getting an inheritance

from your dad,

now you have to split it.

Haven't you had enough of that sh*t?

Don't tell me what to do.

You're gonna have

to wash those in the sink.

I can smell the alcohol from over here.

You can't leave them there,

we'll get busted.

- Go wash them in the sink.

- F*** you, you're not my boss.

What's your problem?

Wash the f***ing pants!

My award! You a**hole!

Hey, hey, hey, hey! Get up!

Get up. Both of you calm down!

Are you okay?

Let's get to the bottom of this

so we can all get on with our lives.

Tell me what happened tonight.

Barney was being obnoxious,

so I tackled him.

And before that?

Barney was being obnoxious before that.

He means,

what did you do before the fight?

Like, were you and Barney

drinking any alcoholic beverages?

I'm quite capable of expressing myself,

Mr. Rosenberg.

And why are you here, anyway?

I'm not feeling good.

I think I have the flu.

You can wait in the hall until I'm done

speaking with Whitman here.

But I'm suffering from FACT.

Fever, aches, chills, and tiredness.

The hall.

I'll tell you what happened.

You and Barney, Mr. Cannel.

You and Mr. Cannel

were drinking on the bus.

You argued, you started to fight,

you threw his award against the wall,

and he kicked you in the testicles.

That sounds pretty close, sir.

I've looked at your midterm reports,

Mr. Whitman. You're doing well.

- I study a lot.

- Mmm-hmm.

So tell me about your visit with

your father. How's he doing?

Okay.

Now, business.

No more weekend privileges,

and you're going to have

sequestered detention dinners

until next semester.

And, of course, you know

I'm going to have to call

your mother in Texas

to inform her of this incident.

- I live in Arizona, sir.

- Of course. Phoenix.

- Tucson.

- You bet.

Hi, Wendy.

Get down here and roll.

Listen to your body, Javier.

You know, it's good stress therapy.

No, thanks.

I was wondering if...

You know where your checks are?

If I could maybe...

I was thinking I could...

I could write myself one,

for, you know, last month.

I ordered that Fortunella japonica,

the kumquat bush for outside

the den window.

The headmaster called

from Gates this morning.

Ellis did some drinking

on the way back to school

from his stay with F***er Frank.

He and his roommate got into a fistfight.

And I have to write a check for $700

to patch a wall that Ellis broke.

I can't see Ellis in a fight like that.

Is he okay?

No, of course he's not all right.

What do you think?

After a weekend with Frank,

I'm sure he's a total wreck.

The headmaster also said that Ellis

has the highest grades in his class.

They're turning him into a Frank clone.

They're already talking to me

about colleges.

- He's only 15.

- I know.

He shouldn't have to worry about

things like that.

I can't take care of him from here, Javier.

I can't.

I can't do it.

I miss him.

I miss him so. I miss him

way more than I thought. Way more.

- How are the bills and stuff?

- That's not why I miss him.

I'm a mother

and my son is 3,000 miles away.

I am missing a piece of myself.

He'll be home soon.

Johanna said that mothers and sons,

even though we share the same blood,

can sometimes be as cosmically distant

as two strangers on different continents.

I don't see why a mother should be

concerned about relating cosmically.

You should just call him up,

and ask him about school, food, girls.

I should really just be mainstream?

Sure.

Sorry, nothing came for you.

Thanks.

You can check again tomorrow.

Hey.

Someone hasn't been

at dinner in a while.

I got sequestered detention dinners

until next semester.

I never took you for a bad boy.

- You're always in here.

- I'm not illiterate.

I'm working my way through a list

of the 100 best novels of all time.

This is my third favorite book.

The Great Gatsby.

My second's To Kill a Mockingbird.

All right. What's your favorite?

Wouldn't you like to know.

You know, you can play your music louder.

I don't mind.

Thanks.

I'm gonna fail algebra tomorrow,

and I'm gonna fail history on Wednesday,

and I'm gonna flunk out of Gates.

I guess you're not going to Yale.

I probably deserve it

for kicking you in the nuts.

That was a cheap kick.

I'm sorry.

I just...

I can't even do completing the square

and I only know

the first cycle of the Krebs cycle

and all the kings in history seem the same.

And I just...

I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm gonna flunk out of Gates.

I'm never gonna do anything.

Here's a good trick for history

that Goat Man taught me, all right.

See this portrait of Pope Leo X?

Mmm-hmm.

Look at him.

Remember his name and read what he did,

then imagine him doing it. Okay?

You know, I owe you one.

You really saved my ass.

I know.

I'm going to study over break,

so I'm not such a loser next semester.

I'm gonna float on a raft in the pool

and smoke a bale of pot

and go running a lot.

- Won't the pot cancel out the running?

- Hey, bad boy!

Merry Christmas.

You know, Smythe and VanBuren

were in the car with Minnie.

She's probably giving them a ride

to the bus station or something.

I bet she's giving them a ride.

The water's nice.

It's nice and warm.

I love the water.

Yes. Yeah.

Okay, boy.

Right there.

Good boy.

There you go.

You have pretty nice arms for a stoner.

Oh, hey.

What are you doing?

The goats hate water,

so I'm training them not to.

Well, I hate to break it to you,

but there's no water in there.

Well, you obviously

know nothing about training goats.

First they have to get used to the pool.

What are you doing later?

You sure are nosy.

I just want to know

what makes you tick, Javier.

For example, what are those?

Ever hear of art?

Bennet and Wendy are in Sedona

on that New Age bullshit

spirit workshop, right?

When do they get back?

That was quick.

I was just getting comfortable.

What do you do?

What do you do all day?

Do?

You know, I do the landscaping.

Work with the goats.

Clean the pool.

Don't you get bored?

Well, I do other stuff.

Like get high all day?

Is it true what they say

about you and your goats?

That you know them

in the biblical sense?

It's not true.

I hate my goats.

What the hell?

- Sorry. Are you Ellis?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes