God Bless America Page #6

How'd that feel?

It felt good.

It's a good night to die.

VELOCitea Energy Drink.

It's in your face.

Frank, let me sleep in the chair.

No, I'm all right.

Come on.

Sleep in the bed.

You're the one

with the f***ed-up headaches.

No, this is good.

Behold, the walls of Jericho!

No, I'm fine.

Jesus, Frank, get in bed

or I'm sleeping on the floor.

I'm sleeping on the floor.

Here I go.

Do you see this?

I'm going down.

Ugh, Frank, it smells!

I wouldn't trust that floor.

Come on, Frank.

What are we gonna do now?

Well...

What's our prime directive?

I didn't have you pegged

as a "Star Trek" fan.

What's that supposed to mean?

I don't know.

I figured you more for...

the new "Battlestar Galactica."

Maybe some graphic novels.

Bands like Fall Out Boy

and the Green Days.

Oh, f*** you, Frank!

I happen to like classic

and Next Gen "Star Trek."

And I'm actually able to read

a book without pictures,

thank you,

and I prefer the classics.

I'm not ashamed to admit

to the occasional Anne Rice

or "Harry Potter."

Fall Out Boy and Green Day

suck sh*t through 10 bricks.

Musically I'm all about Alice Cooper.

I like Alice Cooper.

You don't like Alice Cooper, Frank.

That's... That's like a Muslim

saying that he likes Muhammad.

You...

accept Alice Cooper.

You accept that Alice came down

and gave us rock

that upset authority figures

and made the outcasts

not feel so all alone.

You accept that there would be

no goth movement without Alice,

no Trent Reznor,

no Marilyn Manson,

not even shitty soft cock-rockers

like Poison or Bon Jovi

because not only did he introduce

macabre theatrics into rock,

he also invented the power ballad

with a little song called

"Only Women Bleed."

Okay, I get it.

I promise I won't kill Alice Cooper.

Hey, don't even joke about it, Frank.

Do you realize that he was

the first rock star to wear makeup?

And he was wearing dresses

long before Bowie

stole his first pair of culottes

from his mother's clothesline.

And he was screaming about death

and frustration way before punk,

so I guess you have to accept

that Alice Cooper invented that, too.

Are you A.D.D., Juno?

Yes, I have A.D.D.,

and don't you ever call me

f***ing Juno again.

Sorry.

That's who we should kill next.

A fictitious character?

No, Diablo Cody.

You know, f*** her

for writing that movie.

She's the only stripper who suffers

from too much self-esteem.

I don't want to kill people

just because

you don't like their movies.

Why not?

She's encouraging teen pregnancy,

her storylines and characters

are for sh*t,

and she's just so excited

to throw any funny line she's heard

into the scene

that she makes girls my age

look like cutesy a**holes

from a dirty Dr. Seuss book.

"Horton Hears a Star-Bellied Queef.

Blah."

I only want to kill people

who deserve to die.

You know who we should kill?

Mm?

People who use "rock-star"

as an adjective.

As in "rock-star parking"?

Or people that pound

energy drinks all day.

People who use the term "edgy,"

"in-your-face," or "extreme."

No, no, no, wait.

That would rule out a lot

of the chalupas that I love.

Anyone who wears crystals

or calls themselves "spiritual."

Or people who say "Namaste."

What's that?

It's an Indian greeting

the hippies stole.

Aw, hippies!

Anyone who buys an anarchy T-shirt.

Or people that use the term "the man"

in a positive or negative light,

as in, "The man is always

sticking it to us,"

or "You're the man!"

- Anyone who's ever been "pumped."

- Or "stoked."

Anyone who gives and receives

physical high fives.

- Agreed.

- Oh, really?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

Not gonna let you play the freedom

of speech here on my show, okay?

Okay? Let me explain

something to you.

I would much rather lose

my rights to freedom of speech

than ever have the A.C.L.U.

defend my right to freedom of speech.

And another thing, you pinhead.

The A.C.L.U...

take heed, America...

I think is more dangerous

to the United States than al-Qaeda.

I'll give you a chance to respond

if you have anything articulate to say

right after this.

More of the full story...

Anyone who makes a living

spreading fear to the masses.

Or is just plain mean.

Mm.

So... our prime directive

is to interfere

with the cultural evolution

of a pre-warp civilization.

I got to go to sleep.

My head is killing me.

Stop it.

What? I was trying

to help your headache.

It's a pressure point.

I wasn't being sensual.

Yeah, people who use

the term "sensual."

Gross.

You said it.

Hey, Frank?

Mm-hmm?

Thanks for letting me

come along with you.

Good night, Juno.

F*** you, Frank.

# Hello #

# Hooray #

# Let the show begin #

# I've been ready #

# Hello #

# Hooray #

# Let the lights grow dim #

# I've been ready #

# Ready as this audience

that's coming here to dream #

# Loving every second,

every moment, every scream #

# I've been waiting so long #

# To sing my song #

# And I've been waiting so long #

# For this thing to come #

# And I've been thinking so long #

# I was the only one #

# God, I feel so strong... #

# I feel so strong #

# I'm so strong #

# I feel so strong #

We gonna do this or what?

What do you think?

Looks good.

Jesus, Frank,

you look like f*** pie.

Oh, there he is.

Ladies.

I gotta get back to working out.

Did we get him?

No, I think we just winged him.

Is he breathing?

I don't know.

Whoa.

You stop moving or I shoot her.

You don't have the balls.

Really? I don't?

F*** you,

you condescending prick!

Why do you got to be so rude

all the time?

Is that what this is all about?

Huh? My show?

Sh*t.

You must really hate my politics, huh?

Look, you kill me,

you just turn me into a martyr.

I don't hate your politics.

In fact, I agree with you

on some things.

- You do?

- Yeah.

Then, what is this about?

Why do you go to be

so mean all the time?

Are you really willing to die

just because you don't think I'm nice?

Do you have it in you, Fuller?

How long has it been since you

actually had to shoot someone?

Oh, wait.

You never have.

I forgot.

You never served in the military.

You had your parents

help you dodge the draft

just like every other rich blowhard

who makes a living

off of American xenophobes.

It seems like you guys

just exploited some tragedies

to further your agenda.

In fact, it seems like

it's always been about

protecting big oil companies' right

to keep boiling the whole world alive

just because some

court-appointed, hillbilly president

started taking orders

from Jesus or the Easter Bunny

or some other

make-'em-up play-friend of his.

Please!

That is just your typical uneducated,

left-wing, "femonazi" point of view.

Feminazi.

Again, why do you got to be so mean?

He just wishes

everyone would act nice.

I, on the other hand,

think your politics are sh*t.

Well...

You b*tch!

Yep.

Exactly what part of his politics

do you agree with?

Less gun control, of course.

But, Frank...

then every nut will have a gun.

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