Gone Doggy Gone Page #3

Don't!

Forget about the ransom.

You're not going to see one red

cent.

Turn the f*** around and give

them back their dog, or I'll-

Don't!

Just look at the map.

I can't tell which dot is ours.

Ours is the one with the arrow.

It's upside down!

Well, flip it back over.

Which dot!

It's not a dot! Why are you such

a computard?!

Littles, I love you so much...

so F-ing much, that if I ever

lost you, I would shoot myself...

n the head like this. Ruff!

Ruff! Blooood!

Blood and guts and brain

everywhere. Oh, there's that

memory. There's, there's

that time I went with Kent...

to the-to the diner and I had to

buy his food.

And there's that time that I got

made fun of in second grade.

And there's that time that my

mom said I looked like a boy.

Everywhere,

all across the windshield.

Arf! Arf! Arf! Arf! Arf!

Oh, my god! That's an invitation

to pedophiles.

Hey pervert, here's all the info

you need to kidnap my kids.

Now you can address them by name

when you invite them...

into your creepy van.

You can even

invite Doug the cat.

So the cat can get

f***ed. In da back of da van.

Kat! Kat.

Yeah, you shouldn't say stuff like that.

What?

I know Kat said that I

wouldn't pay you anything,

but I'm willing to go halves.

That's fifteen thousand dollars!

I know you need it, so I am

willing to compromise.

What are you doing?

I told you not to call her.

Phone.

It's funny how people

always d-

It's not funny.

Stop the car. Mama needs more

vino.

Jill. Jill, listen. You can have

all the money.

Jus-just tell us where to meet

you...

and you can have all of it,

okay? I gotta go,

but please, please, please

call me back.

Signal's gone. Wonder why, Abby.

She turned her phone off! I told

you not to call her!

It's like I'm not even here

sometimes!

Jesus Christ, you know

I do know some things!

F***! Goddamnit!

I'm sorry! I am sorry!

What if we never find her?

I'll buy you another Yorkie!

Vino!

Here!

Put your seat belt on!

I was going to!

Oh, stop it!

What's the game plan here?

We'll keep checking the phone...

and hopefully she'll show up

again.

I'm exhausted. Nap and then

dinner?

Nap!

Okay. Us too.

Oh, my god.

It's not that bad.

Ah. Oh, my God get it off. Get

it off. Get it off!

Help! Help me!

Don't be a helpless victim.

With the Medical alert belt

clip, help is only a beep away.

Did Jill turn her phone on?

No.

I'm going to get us some water.

Grab a hard piece of

wood. Cherry-

Getting to first base in

baseball-

I got us fried chicken!

My favorite part of road trips

is being forced to eat

fat-ass food.

Too bad I couldn't find the

Creamy Cone.

Ah! Have I told you how much I

missed you?

That's so sweet.

What is that?

You smell so good.

What is that? Biscuit flour?

Okay. We already tried that at

Lilith Fair.

I'm not being sexual, it's just

that you smell really...

that my Grandma used to make for

me and I really miss her-

Okay, you're a freak.

No! No!

Who wants some

Chick-Chick-Chicken?

Is that your Mom?

I'll be in the bar.

How can this place not

have a bar?

Hey if you want to talk...

okay...

Stan and Dan Janson...

Private Investigators at your

service.

Is your spouse cheating on you?

You need Real Professionals.

Is your employee embezzling

funds?

You need Real Professionals.

Are you searching...

for a long lost parent?

You need Real Professionals.

If you answered yes-

Yes!

To any of those questions.

Then you need to call-

Us! Real Professionals!

Reeeaal Professionals.

How much longer are we

going to hang out here?

What do you mean? As long as it

takes.

The movers are coming tomorrow.

We need to figure this out, make

some calls...

start cancelling stuff,

something. She may never turn

her phone back on again. That's

totally possible, you know.

We have no leads, nothing to go

on. The ransom's...

not even an option anymore.

She's too scared to claim it.

How do you know?

You can't get inside her head

any more than I can.

What-the-what the hell am I

supposed to tell my new boss,

huh? Sorry, I can't move to San

Francisco...

cause my dog was kidnapped?

Tell him someone died.

Tell him your Mom died. I don't

care.

Laila and I would never

move without you.

I need candy.

Go get your candy.

Come on, Littles. Come on.

What's the plan?

Shhhhh!

You go that way.

- You go that way.

- I'll go this way.

Just do what I say!

I don't know what I'm supposed

to do.

Gimme that!

Oh god!

My eyes!

Oh, crap! Oh crap!

Oh, my god it burns!

Oh, my god it burns. Oh, my god!

Oh, please let them be okay.

Don't look at me like that. It

was dark.

I thought they were rapists.

Where is my purse?

Oh, I need water.

You two need Real Professionals.

Yeah, she's adorable. I'm sorry

for your loss guys.

Thank you.

Anyways, uh...

let's get the necessities out of

the way.

The fee is gonna be

$10,000 upon recovery.

No problem.

Oh, my god. Ahhh, yeah, okay.

Laila, she have any, ah, friends

that are a little more...

unsavoury, maybe someone with a

criminal...

record, a background, somethin'

like that?

Oh, we know who did it. It was

our dog sitter, Jill.

She did this.

She did?

She attacked us.

We don't feel comfortable...

approaching her ourselves

anymore...

I mean, you can see why.

She sounds terrible.

Thank you.

She told us that Laila was

kidnapped and then...

we caught her walking her

outside her apartment.

Whaaat? That's crazy.

She's-Yes!

She's a pathological liar.

And she was wasted at our going

away party.

Here's a photo of her. Don't be

fooled by that Holiday smile.

- She's pretty.

- She's really pretty.

Are you sure this is the girl?

I-I don't see how a girl

this pretty could steal a d-

Ah. Uh...

She did this.

She did this.

Yeah. I'll find her.

I promise you guys. Okay?

Why is he eating now? Shouldn't

he be catching up to her?

Ugh.

Thirty seven cents and two

ketchup packets.

That's all we have, Littles.

Wanna meet my Mom?

I guess she's busy, Littles.

Hey! Hey! The blip came back on!

Hold on. Hold on. Let me handle

this.

Okay.

Hey, Dan. Jill's GPS says she's

just west of the 95...

and it looks like there aren't

any towns around there

or anything, so I'm thinkin'

she must be at a... rest stop?

Yeah-oh great!

Perfect! Yeah, I'm just, I'm

drivin' just east of there.

Oh, you are huh?

You-you said the 95, right?

Yeah.

Okay. Not a problem.

I am on the case. Got it.

Have you forgotten what

she did to our eyes?

Why is he taking photos?

We already showed him a picture

of her.

She's going to the B room.

What is he doing in there?!

Why do you think I know what's

he's doing?!

If Laila's only hope is him...

then that pooch is Gone

Doggy Gone.

The Hell she is!

What are you guys doin' here,

huh?! You guys followin' me?!

Someone has to be a detective!

Ah-ha-ha!

I am being a detective!

I-I-took incriminating

photos and I bugged her car!

Why didn't you just grab her

while she was here?

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