Gone Doggy Gone Page #5

for a little bit?

- You always push.

- Fine. The key's in the

armadillo. I'll be back by one

and we'll sort it out.

And don't slam the door. You

have to press in the tongue

and release. No slamming!

Hey! Please stop! Stop.

- I'm sorry. It was just awkward.

- And ah... I wanted to give you

privacy. Oh! Here's your dog

back. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Umm... we're running low

on fuel.

Oh, great!

What are we gonna do now?

Know what? My friend Zelda

lives nearby. Saved the day!

Have fun with The Borings.

What was that supposed to mean?

No idea.

SOUND:

TEXT ON SCREEN Pops.

SOUND:

SOUND:

SOUND:

SOUND:

SOUND:

TEXT ON SCREEN Pops.

Hey, Pops!

Do this. I can't do it. I had

the dog in my hands. I just

- couldn't go through with it.

- I'll find a way to get the

money, but not this way. Okay, I

got a plan. I got a plan. Stan

and Dan gotta plan. Me and you

doing it together.

The Hell we will! You get that

Goddamn dog!

I-I'm not-I'm not cut out for

this job! I'm not you!

Sh*t, Daniel! Danny, I need you

to listen to me very carefully.

You remember your Uncle Morty?

Well, he's not really your Uncle

and if you you don't get that

Goddamn dog in the next

twenty-four hours, you're gonna

be scraping me off the walls!

Sh*t! Come on! You want me to

do that?! I'm not doin' it!

There's no way! No way in Hell

I'm doin' it! Hello? You were on

mute. Okay, I'll do it, but

this-this is the last time,

alright? This is it!

That a boy.

MUSIC ominous Italian music

MUSIC scary shrill flute music

SOUND:

Oh, my God. What is that?

The Heirlooms are ripe!

Ripe! Ripe!

- Ohhhhh!! Ha! Ha! Okay! Okay!

- I'm digging the whole Bacchae

of Euripides theme. Oh!

Hahaha!!! Oh, it's so good to

see you! Oh ho ho!

Oh! And so wonderful to meet

you! Oh!

Sorry!

- Mmmmm. Mmmmm.

- Mmmmm.

This is the kind of

place people get raped.

I don't care. I'm wearing a

pillowcase. I'm hungry and

I'm tired and I need to get

high.

I am not stayin' here.

Come inside! I've got

some clothes that might work.

SOUND:

SOUND:

Laila.

What's that.

Oh!

SOUND:

Waited all day for you/Hope

you're having fun/

I'm at Bar None/Jill

Alright.

Oh, my God. When I see her,

I'm going to give her so many

caramel kisses.

Oops.

Now, Where were we?

They were talking about

their dog.

So, how did you two come

together?

I asked her out after yoga class

and she told me she was a lesbian.

I had to. It's like,

all the other guys I went out

None of them were

right! Especially Robert. Pfft.

What did you tell her about

Robert?

Nothing. She's in tune.

SOUND:

Yeah, right.

You have a really nice place.

I have to get real here. I'm

vibing in some very dangerous

fear between you two and it's

poison. It's toxic! I'm sorry

but that's it. No more

bullshit stories. Yoga didn't

bring you together.

That's how we met.

No! What brought you

together really?!

I don't know what?

Oh ho ho! Have you thought about

why you're crossing your arms? Hmm?

Because it's comfortable?

Because it's freezing in here?

Because you're closing yourself

off. Because you're afraid!

Afraid of what?

You tell me.

No, you tell me.

Is "no" your favorite word?

No.

Don't.

Let these-

Stop it.

Go.

No.

Push the reset button!

No.

Is it so hard to say yes?

- I'll never understand that.

- It's so easy. Yes!

No.

Yes!!

No!

Yeeeeeeeeeees!

No! Okay! Yes! Yes! Mother

f***ing yes! Are you all happy?

Is this happiness?

You're together because your

souls are working to rectify an

imbalance.

She knows the Dalai Lama.

MUSIC country bar music

SOUND:

Highway Hero! Well the

universe never stops, does she?

Look at that smile! It lights

up the room!

Look...

Mhmm?

I know who you are.

Well, I know who you are Highway 10.

Barkeep, two more pretty, please.

Actually, ah... I guess ah... one

won't hurt. Pixies.

SOUND:

Mhmm.

The Beatles, Stones, Petty

Uh, Black Eyed Keys of course.

Ween. Dave Brubeck. A. A. Bondy-

I love A. A. Bondy! I didn't

think anyone knew about him!

No!

Okay. How about

Herb Alpert and

the Tijuana Brass?

Ah. Hell's yeah, like I cook to

that!

No, I-I love Pops and all ya

know, but like there's no room

for my input in his vision of

us. You know, like he's

always talking over me and

he's like, he's beating me

down until I'm like i-it's just

too exhausting to fight back.

Ugh. Ya know, I wish my Mom

would take the time to talk to

me. It'd be easier to pin

down a hummingbird.

She like never, like, told

anyone we were dating.

Out every night. Like, we hung

out every night.

You know, Kent didn't like

to cuddle. He couldn't

stand being touched unless

he instigated it.

Ugh.

All I wanted was for him

to commit.

Kent is a, he's an ass clown.

Your ex-boyfriend is an ass clown.

He is.

You know, the old me would

be begging for your phone

number, planning our wedding,

and naming our children.

323-638-9676, December

07, Bing, Chad, and Everly.

So... what are you doing in

Santa Fe anyway? Is this

your business drinking in Townie

bars, or are you a professor on

sabbatical looking to get

his rocks off, or a Mormon

on a mission? Kiss me on

my mouth hole.

I'm on a case. I'm a P.I.

Come here Mr. P.I.

Dang!

You're so weird. Ya know that?

I gotta be honest with you.

Mhmm.

I've been following you.

Mmm. You're so bad,

you dirty P.I.

No, no. I really am a Private

Investigator.

I've been following you since

the rest stop near the 95.

The Harmons hired me to recover

Laila and then have you arrested.

Wait, you're here to arrest me!?

Yeah. No, I mean I was, but

J-Jill look I'm on your side

right now. I-I can make this

go easy!

SOUND:

Come on! Don't leave! Jill,

don't go!

SOUND:

Jill, I have no way of getting

out of here!

This is where I will die!

SOUND:

Hey.

SOUND:

Um. No, come on.

SOUND:

SOUND:

Ahhhhh.

Oh, man. I-I gotta go to

bed.

- Finish your glass with me.

- Come on.

No-no. I'm wasted. I

really need to go to bed!

Like an hour ago...

- Come on. I just wanna talk.

- You're so fun to talk to.

SOUND:

Oh, God.

Abby!

I'm so sorry.

I-I didn't kiss her.

I-

I'm sorry. Oh, God.

I kissed him. He didn't

do anything.

Abby; How long has this been going on?

Wait a minute when-

when I-when the robbers came in

and you two were in your

underwear were you-were

y-were you?

No! No! No way! No. No.

I did-I didn't do sh*t!

They were just some hoodlums

I bought weed from.

What?!

I knew you did that!

I'm sorry, I f***ed up I didn't

know they were-

- Wait a minute.

- Wait, wait. You're sorry that

you got us robbed, or

you're sorry that you

kissed my husband. It's not

enough that your life has

gone to sh*t,

you have to ruin mine?

You don't need me to f***

up your life!

Who goes on a cross country

crusade to find a dog?!!!

Yeah, I said it. A dog! You

could have a real baby, but

noooo, it's easier

to treat your dog like a baby!

- Hmm-mm, hmm-mm.

- Laila is our baby.

- A human baby! It's embarrassing!

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