Gone with the Bullets Page #3

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Got the best Italian chef.

- Just for you.

- Thanks.

On my 8th birthday, I made a wish.

If one day a man would fight for me,

I'd marry him.

Just 8 years old?

I waited until my 18th birthday.

And then my 28th.

I lost hope.

Will I be waiting at 38?

Finally...

...when I least expected it...

...he appeared.

He's you.

Impossible.

You beat up Joseph for me,

out of jealousy.

Me, jealous of him?

Because you love me.

You and I have been friends

for 30 years.

That long?

- And we've been intimate.

- Exactly.

And you got so jealous,

you beat up Joseph...

...your good friend. That's love.

I beat him up because he's an ass.

He's a copycat.

He copies everything I do.

- If I date a plump girl--

- Excuse me.

Thank you.

Have you ever said, "I love you"?

Baby, I love you.

Speak Chinese.

- Love you. I.

- Who loves?

- Who do you love? Say the whole thing.

- You.

- I lovest thee.

- "Thee"? So formal.

Because I respect you.

I don't want you to respect me,

I want you to love me!

Off-the-shoulder!

- Sweetheart neckline.

- Oh, my!

- Strapless, high waist!

- Look at that!

Mermaid tail.

Look at the leggings!

Looks like pants to me.

How many times do you plan

to be married?

Whenever I see a gown I like...

...I buy it.

I've been collecting for years.

- Pretty, right?

- You're prettier the other way.

- What do you mean? Pig!

- Naked.

Can't get married without a dress.

- Just who will you marry?

- You.

Shuwan Gou! Shuwan Gou!

Shuwan Gou!

- What do you want with her?

- I want her to save me.

Why save you?

My assistant saves only me.

Just ignore him!

You're acting strange today.

Accusing me of being jealous.

Telling me to say "I love you."

Now ordering me to marry you.

That's three giant steps in one day.

- Let's make love.

- We just did.

My mother comes in two days.

We'll marry then. A Western wedding.

Why Western?

I love it when the couple stands there

and says:

- "I do."

- You even know what "I do" means?

I love thee.

Wrong. That's not what it means.

You know how the English say,

"How do you do"?

What does the "do" mean?

It means to force it, to push,

to doo-doo.

When an Englishman wakes up...

...he trots to the bathroom

and takes care of business.

It makes him feel noble.

When a friend asks him,

"How do you do?"...

...what does "do" mean? It means,

"Did you take a noble dump?"

- It's all about poo-poo.

- Yes...

...it's about making doo-doo!

Don't laugh. If you don't do it regularly,

your brain will explode.

It killed Caesar, Nero and George II.

So.... Why would you say "do"

at a wedding?

"We are gathered here to do...."

Everybody'll sh*t themselves.

I see.

But I still want a Western wedding.

I'm going to say "I do"

and so will you.

- Stop pinching me!

- Say it!

No!

- I can pinch you back. Cry out.

- Say "I do."

- I'm going to hurt you.

- Just say it!

- This doesn't hurt?

- Say "I do."

Why aren't you crying? You're bruised.

You can hurt me all you want...

- ...but you'll marry me.

- But I don't want either.

What do you have against marriage?

It's a serious business.

You don't want to marry

someone like me.

- Why not?

- Well, I'm still a child.

You are too old to be a child,

and too hung.

I'm too hung up to settle down.

Afraid of responsibility?

Fine. I'll take charge.

I proposed, didn't I?

I'll arrange everything.

I'm just begging you to say "I do"!

Since we're old friends,

I'll do you this favour.

We've pulled many scams before.

Is that what this is to you?

- I thought you wanted to fool your mom?

- No!

- So whose mother are we fooling?

- Yours!

You fraud!

Wait, is that a gun?

I was just kidding.

What's with the gun?

Do you even know how to use it?

I'll shoot you and then I'll shoot myself.

Then I'll marry you in hell.

Why are you still

acting like a princess?

- China's now a republic.

- Couldn't care less.

- Have I ever begged?

- No.

- Have I ever grovelled?

- Definitely not.

I was elected president

because I played my part perfectly.

Indeed you did. You were perfect.

Now I just want you to love me

and marry me.

- But you turned me down.

- No, I didn't.

I care for you.

I think you're wonderful.

You don't need to marry me.

I am already yours.

If you don't marry me,

I don't want to live.

Our hearts should be as one.

That's not where the heart is.

It's here.

Pull the trigger!

What if the gun was loaded?

You'd be dead.

Come on!

Don't threaten me again

with a fake gun.

It's loaded.

In my previous life...

...I must have owed you bigtime.

Otherwise, why would I...

...put up with you?

In our previous lives,

we must have been...

...two eyeballs on the same face.

We were born as a pair.

But destined never to see each other.

So which one of us was the left eye?

Take your pick.

You can be the left, I'll be the right.

- I was the right.

- Then I was the left.

So close, but never to meet...

...that's sad.

What if we were cross-eyed?

You must have a really flat nose...

...for the right to see the left!

No way.

One could never see the other.

So sad.

I know how they could meet.

Pluck one eyeball out...

...then they can see eye-to-eye.

- No!

- Then what?

- A snail! Eyes on a snail!

- A snail?

- A snail has eyes like this.

- About this high!

It can even see behind itself.

We're eye-crossed lovers!

- Or we could be two waves.

- Waves?

I'll forever be chasing after you.

- Do you want to steer our boat?

- I do.

- Where are we going now?

- Wherever you say.

- I don't want to go anywhere.

- I do.

We don't want to go anywhere!

Why so fast

if we're not going anywhere?

We have to go fast to be nowhere.

- Take me home.

- I do.

We are home!

- Is this home?

- It is.

Home is wherever you are.

- Lights!

- I do. Lights!

Too bright.

I'll turn them off.

Aim! Fire!

Look at that!

Are you singing?

I'll bring down the brightest lantern

for you.

Stop! You'll scare my friends!

The man in the moon?

No, the rabbit!

I can see his ears.

If you see his ears, then he's close by.

Too close.

Look at him! Making a mess.

- He's making medicine.

- He's a dirty rabbit.

- A dust bunny!

- Let's go sweep the dust!

Then the moon will shine bright

in the day.

Let's go!

- So, what's this medicine for?

- Immortality.

Perfect. Let's go.

Let's live forever!

Who else is up there?

- The woman in the moon.

- What about her man?

- He couldn't commit.

- Then kick him out!

It'll just be her, the rabbit, me and you.

- You'll marry me, then?

- I'll marry you all.

- No, just me.

- "I do."

Never smoke opium.

Never!

It's what killed Wanyan.

If I knew...

...that love would have kept you alive!

Why didn't I confess sooner?

What should I do now?

I run.

No one will believe

what happened here.

I don't remember myself.

Who can I turn to?

Wu-Six.

Her dad is a warlord.

And her mom

was my beloved grade-school teacher.

- Name?

- Ma Zouri.

Business?

- Looking for Wu-Six. Seven.

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