Goods Page #7

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You remember? Cops gave you a ticket

for inciting a riot. You old goat.

This is horrible. Let's face it. It's over.

It's not over. Over?

When is the last time that there were

that many cameras on this lot?

We got five hours left in this day, okay?

Now, I intend to sell some cars,

all right?

Now, get in here. Let's go over

some talking points. Come on.

Baby, if you are true

I'll keep doing it

Doing it, right there, to you

Doing it

Doing it

Doing it

Doing it to you

Julio, pick up line nine. Julio, line nine.

You know, look, guys,

the big problem here?

We need a bigger rehearsal space.

Not a problem. Here's why.

Huge riot down at Selleck Motors.

The place is going down in flames.

We're taking it over.

It is the new Big Ups rehearsal space.

- Are you serious?

- Yeah.

We're gonna...

We're gonna take it over.

Pardon me, boys.

Some bad news from Selleck Motors.

Look at this.

Listen, people get excited

over used cars,

and, occasionally,

they'll punch and burn things.

Now, some call that a riot.

Me? I call it excitement

over the low, low prices

down here at Ben Selleck Motors.

The police are the real heroes.

And because of that, we're offering

20% off and 0% financing

to any police officer that comes down,

anyone with a police hat,

anyone that says the word "police."

This Don Ready is like the rash

between my balls and thigh.

And if you find an alligator in your car,

$500 off!

Congratulations, Officer.

You see that, Ben?

Just like that, we're back in business.

Motherf***er, I ring the bell.

The reason that the Japanese outsell us

is because they make

more fuel-efficient vehicles

while Detroit insists on

pushing gas-guzzling SUVs.

God damn, girl, you turning me on.

Would it be improper of me

to ask you out for a drink tonight?

I don't know, Jibby.

I've been hurt before.

Well, my problem is

I ain't never allowed myself to be hurt.

I'm trying to be more vulnerable.

Well, you're an honest man, Jibby,

and honesty is the first step

to being vulnerable.

You can pick me up at 9:00.

- Hey, Don.

- Hey, Jibs.

What's with the sh*t-eating grin?

For the first time in my life,

I have a chance

to make love to a woman.

Love.

I'm glad we found the right car for you.

Hey, Blake, you ready?

For what?

A little catch.

You know, I'm starting to think

that maybe lvy was right,

maybe it's time for old Don Ready

to settle down and plant some roots

in this crazy old world.

Great.

I mean, I've been on the move for

so long that I've never taken time to stop

and to hug the people

that are important in my life.

And, Blake, don't ever think that

you're not important. All right?

Great.

You ever think about your daddy?

No.

I mean, who wants to think about

some piece of sh*t that gets

a woman pregnant and then takes off?

You know, I'm not bitter.

I did fine without him.

He's probably out there with no family,

nothing real to hold onto.

Can you imagine how meaningless

life must be for a prick like that?

What a douche.

- Hey.

- Hey.

I cannot believe this riot actually helped.

You are insane.

You know,

I'm gonna be sorry to see you go.

Well, lvy,

goodbyes are an occupational hazard.

Okay, wow.

I don't know what's going on with you.

You are hot, you are cold.

One minute you're happy,

then you're snapping at me.

I mean...

What happened in Albuquerque?

You don't want to know what happened

in 'Querque.

Actually, I do.

Come on, what? You can trust me.

Just let your guard down.

McDermott was my best friend

and the greatest car-sale DJ

anyone's ever seen.

Damn it, it shouldn't have

gone down like that!

I was all wrapped up with this woman.

It wasn't gonna work.

I knew that. Blah, blah, blah.

I was trying to impress her.

We had already sold a bunch of cars

that weekend,

but I wanted to take it over the top.

So, I thought, hey,

let's put a few bucks into it, you know?

Get a good crowd in there. We'd airdrop

McDermott in, dressed as Abe Lincoln.

He would float in and say...

I freed the slaves, now I'm gonna free

those cars from the slavery

of high prices!

We had a bunch of great lines

for him to say.

Hey, just like John Wilkes Booth,

our prices are gonna sneak up

behind you and blow your brains out!

When I asked him, he didn't even blink.

He just did it.

Thanks, buddy.

This is the thrill of a lifetime!

Drop zone! Drop zone!

Me, I was on the ground

with Mrs. Talero.

We planned to meet

in the back of a Taurus.

That is so good. My husband never

does that to me anymore. Oh, yes.

She had me pack a bag

of sexual accoutrements.

Basic sh*t, you know,

rubbers, lube, d*ldos.

Weirder stuff.

Executioners' masks, French ticklers.

Yeah! Take me away!

The only problem was

I took the wrong bag.

F***! Don gave me the wrong bag!

I can only imagine

what was going through

McDermott's head

as he fell to his death.

Got to try to get away from this dildo!

The regrets he must've had.

Most people who are in this situation,

their life flashes before their eyes

and they go through a list of regrets!

For the next 45 seconds, I want to go

through the list of things I've done right!

Number one, full-length back tattoo

of the Hawaiian Punch guy!

He had a huge heart,

but, my God, was he stupid.

Number three, had my wisdom teeth

put back into my skull!

Christ, the dildo's back!

I'm gonna get into an aerodynamic tuck

and use the dildo to cushion my fall!

I killed my best friend.

I wish I could say

I didn't think it would end this way!

But I got to tell you,

I always knew it would!

Falling to my death, dressed as

Abe Lincoln, holding a big, purple dildo!

This is how I drew it up.

Next thing I know, it's raining d*ldos.

Had I just been focused on the sale,

it wouldn't have gone down like that.

Now it's all happening again,

with you and Blake.

I'm losing who I am and my focus.

You think that riot was an accident?

No, no, no.

It happened because I lost my focus.

That was damn good Seger.

And now I'm falling for you. Yeah, no,

not again. I'm not gonna do that.

Wait, Don, come on, don't go.

I'm gonna go sell some cars,

Mrs. Harding.

"Z."

Seven.

- Hey, guys.

- Brent.

I have to say something.

I think Don might think I'm his son.

Now, I've met my dad. He lives in

Louisiana. I just wasn't raised by him.

Don's going through

a lot of big changes in his life,

and right now you might be

the rock he's holding onto.

Are you saying

I should pretend to be his son?

Because, Brent, that's f***ed up.

Is it? Or is it f***ed down?

Look, Don Ready would make

a damn good father to you,

and right now, I don't see a lot of guys

lining up for the job.

Think about that. And while you're at it,

you think about why your dad left you.

Come in here and blame Don.

That's pathetic.

It's about 20 minutes on the down side

of 9:
00 here at Selleck Motors.

I hope you're curled up with

your best girl, making music together

in between the sheets.

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