Gray Matters Page #8

Come on. Her name is Charlie.

You've got a shot.

But you won't know that

until you talk to her.

What if I made it up? What if she

doesn't even remember the kiss?

What if you go through

your entire life saying, "What if?"

What happens if she does

feel the same way?

What about Sam?

He'll never talk to me again.

- He doesn't talk to you now.

- That's just 'cause he hates me.

And do you foresee that

ever changing?

- He can't hate me forever.

- Mm-hmm. Just drink your tea.

This is so good.

Are you sure this is just tea,

nutmeg and honey?

Wee bit of whiskey.

- Would you like some shortbread?

- Mmm!

What kind of shortbread is this?

Mmm, short.

God, they're so beautiful

and magical and peaceful.

Will they have babies here?

I don't think so.

That's Lucy, and she's Ethel.

- They're an item?

- Mm-hmm.

They never spend a moment apart.

It's very common.

I'm actually doing a study on

homosexuality among mammals.

- You are?

- I'm concentrating on whales...

but did you know

that over 50% of elephants are gay?

- How do they test that?

- They pipe in the Village People...

over loudspeakers

and watch their feet.

I'm kidding.

So where've you been hiding?

I've left three messages and no answer,

and Sam won't say a word.

I'm sorry.

I've just been a little preoccupied.

Anything you want to talk about?

Do you remember that night we spent together

in Las Vegas before you got married to Sam?

Barely. I mean, I remember

having a great time...

but I think you got me too drunk

to remember anything else.

Why? Did I say something

really stupid?

- It's not what you said.

- God. What did I do?

I don't know if you did anything.

It might have just been me.

- Oh, my God. I remember.

- You do?

- Yes. I'm such an idiot.

- No, you're not.

How could you let

your brother marry me?

I didn't know if you were conscious

of what was going on.

Of course I was conscious.

I'm so embarrassed.

Don't be.

I'm so relieved we're talking about it.

- Was I completely off-key?

- What?

I sounded like a cat in heat,

didn't I?

Is that what you think

we're talking about?

Oh, God.

Did I do something else?

- No. That was it.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah.

- Tell the truth.

Did you try to convince Sam

not to marry me?

There was no convincing him.

Trust me. If I could have, I would have.

You know, every morning

I wake up before Sam does...

and I just watch him.

I just lie there and stare.

And I love the way his nose wrinkles

when he's dreaming...

and the little purring sound that he makes

when he's about to wake up.

And the way that he keeps his hand

on my thigh the whole night...

just to let me know that he's there.

And I know it may seem crazy...

but love is crazy, isn't it?

It sure is.

- Hey.

- Hey.

I was cleaning out the closet.

I found Dad's old projector.

Is that you?

Yeah.

Cute little surgeon, wasn't I?

You're so lucky.

I never had a brother or sister.

Oh!

I don't know what's going on

between the two of you...

but you have to work it out, Sam.

Just talk to her.

- You wanted to see me?

- Oh, yeah. Gray.

Seems Julia wasn't thrilled with the way

our last presentation went.

Why don't you go ahead and fire me?

I don't need to be embarrassed or

humiliated or patronized anymore.

- Actually, I was gonna give

you a promotion, but- - What?

I asked Jordan to make you the executive

creative director on my account...

and to give you free rein

to do whatever you want.

Carrie told me that the cheerleader idea

was yours.

I think you have great ideas.

You just haven't been given the freedom

to explore them fully.

I like your energy,

your spunk, your candidness...

and I think

with the right support...

you're gonna give me

exactly what I'm looking for.

Wow!

- I don't know what to say.

- Sorry to interrupt, Gray...

but your 12:
:00 meeting with Brother

Electronics is in the small conference room.

Oh, I don't have a 12:00 meeting

with Brother Electronics.

They said they confirmed it

with your office.

Please, go ahead.

I don't want to hold you up.

Thank you so much.

You will not be sorry.

Thank you, Mr. Phillips.

I will not let you down.

Isn't she adorable?

Hi! Sorry I'm late.

I didn't have you in my book.

Hey.

See, you forgot your toothbrush...

and I figured a toothbrush that

is part hard, part soft bristles...

must be hard to come by.

Is that all?

You just came to give me my toothbrush?

And to say I'm sorry.

I overreacted-

Little bit. Not a lot. Little bit.

After all, you have to admit...

it's a pretty exceptional situation, right?

- Uh-huh.

- On the other hand...

I'm not quite sure

why I got so surprised...

'cause if you think about it...

it's almost inevitable that you and I

would end up liking the same girl, isn't it?

You're acting

- You're acting very rational. It's too rational.

You used to do this

when we were kids.

Then I'd turn around

and you'd tackle me.

I should be getting my knees

in the lock-down position.

You know, Gray-

Gray, you're not just my sister.

You're my best friend.

You know that, right?

Being without you

I feel like one half of me is missing.

Lately I've been feeling

very lopsided.

- Oh, Sam.

- Just 'cause you're totally gay...

and in love with my wife doesn't mean

we can't work things out.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God!

- Ooh. Now, this is good.

I knew it wasn't me.

I knew it wasn't me!

- Oh, my-

- Gray!

Gray! Gray!

How ya doin'? How ya doin'?

Nothin' to see here, folks.

Put your eyes back in your heads.

Hey, what-

- What are you doing?

- I wanna die right now, in this elevator.

- I never wanna see another human being ever again.

- No. Look.

Gray, listen to me.

This is not as bad-

Who cares what those people think?

I care. They're probably calling

Jerry Springer right now as we speak.

No. No, they're not.

I don't think he has a show anymore.

- I'm sorry.

- Sorry for what?

For having to be related to me.

- Gray, don't be ridiculous.

- Oh, I just feel-

Gray, look. You're just-

You're just coming out, okay?

- I am never coming out of this elevator.

- This is probably...

the biggest revelation

of your entire life.

It's normal to be going nuts.

- It's normal.

- I don't feel normal.

I'm sick and tired of everyone saying

it's normal, it's typical, it's ordinary.

I don't feel any of those things.

Well, how do you feel?

- Lonely.

- Why?

Because I'm never gonna be able

to walk down the street...

holding hands with my partner...

without the rest of the world

giving us a look.

I may never have the wedding

that I once dreamed of...

and I may never have children...

and one day, when I die...

people will never give

as much respect to my grieving lover...

as if she were my husband.

Gray...

it's not as if you made a choice.

That's what terrifies me.

It's so much easier

to be someone else.

Do you remember

when we were kids-

you would have been

about six-

and Dad came home to tell Mom

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