Group Sex Page #5

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Man of 1,000 Faces]

So ...

First, there was Heidi. Rar-rarr.

Getting all tubular and gnarly with Zoey.

I think she dumped you two weeks after

I took this photo if my memory serves.

Throwin' down mad rhymes with Tisha.

Aww, My. Earthy Poet Man.

See, I.. I can't even find you in this photo.

Come one, where the f*** are ya'?

Imagine that.

Whoops, wait a second. That's not

supposed to be in there.

And finally, Cynthia.

Or as I'd like to call her, Medusa ...

- The devil woman.

- Stop.

She was so much more deceptive than the others ...

because with her, see you looked like Andy ...

but you were'nt Andy.

It was like "Invasion body snatching p*ssy"

Okay, thank you. You made your point.

Andy, what happened to your credo?

Huh, no more bullshit? What happen to that?

I mean, we've got a f***in' three legged dog.

Named Andy.

I love you.

Come on, pinky swear me right now..

that you are finished with these perverts.

I'm not gonna pinky anything with you.

I'm making real progress with Vanessa.

In case you haven't noticed, that's important to me.

I promise you this:

I will not lose sight of who I really am. Okay?

I just got obsessed by little men.

I'm addicted to hand jobs... from men.

My cock understands me.

I got really into mail order brides.

I don't know what ...

that old man wanted.

It was hard to hear through the

oxygen mask.

I started caressing his

penis, I couldn't help it.

I kept going to see them

little midget at them circus.

I'm not gay.

Just lazy.

The next thing I know, I was just being..

escorted out of the funeral parlor.

The smell of tapioca just..

it made my dick hard.

When it gets angry, it kinda look like..

Karl Malden's nose, you know, kinda' bulbous.

I can not stop. I have to have it.

He said "Hey man, I'm not gay."

And I'm like, "Sh*t, that's..

that's just good business." You know.

I had two of them f***ed me in that little midget car.

I mean, little people.

People look at you funny if

you pull your cock out in public.

Thanks. Thanks alot. It was awesome.

Oh my god. She lived in this dump

with that animal for 2 years.

Where's this animal now?

He's at work. We're good.

So where's.. where's the demo..

where did she say it was?

She said there, in the bedroom.

There are weapons on the table, fellas.

I don't feel good about this.

This is not our places.

Okay. Let's go.

It smells like old socks.

I think I'm havin' a panic attack.

I have it.

Let's get out of here before the animal gets back.

Oh sh*t.

So, which one of you called me an animal?

Too ugly. Too fat.

So, you. You must the one doin' her.

Sweet piece of ass, huh?

Hey, animal, watch your mouth.

Yea, that's not necessary, man.

" Not necessary ?"

Check out the white knight

protecting his lady's honor.

You care to duel, "Sir Puss Alot"?

Yea, duel him.

I'm talking to you, ass hat.

Yea, I heard you. No, no I don't care to duel.

Besides, there's three of us..

So we can kick your ass.

Donny, get back here right now.

What do you got there?

Those happen to be my demos, that I produced..

spent six grand on.

F*** it. She can have 'em.

That girl got no talent.

Tell her I'm keeping the mattress tho'...

as a souvenir.

It's the only place she was ever any use to me.

Okay, we'll tell her.

If I ever see you fella again it won't go so friendly.

- You got that, "Puss"?

- We got it.

No, no, no. He was talking to Andy.

He was calling Andy a p*ssy.

I don't think you understand or appreciate

the urgency of the situation.

We fly to Phoenix in two days

to pitch the campaign.

- Two days. So just tell me that we're still a team.

- Yeah, Jerry. Yes, of course we're a team.

You're the talent, and I'm the salesman.

If you don't do your job,

I have nothing to sell.

Your priorities are way out of whack.

You're spending every second with

these t-baggers and chicken chokers and..

- They're taking over our lives.

-That is not true.

- It is not true.

- Okay, well, show...

What? We needed an office guy.

- What are you doing?

- Come here.

I wrote a song for you.

You're kidding me.

You rescued my demo tape. It's the least I could do.

Oh, I heard you were very gallant by the way..

"Sir Puss-Alot"?

Yea..

But I really.. I really didn't do anything.

Actually, you kinda' did.

I sent it to a couple of producers

and this guy want me to showcase

at a party tomorrow night.

Tomorrow? That's incredible.

Alright, alright.

Just shut up and listen to my song.

I can't believe you wrote

a song for me.

"THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT YOU"

"THAT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND"

"SOMETHING IN THE WAY YOU FEEL"

"WHEN I HOLD YOU IN MY HAND"

"SOMEDAY SOON

SURE AS YOUR GLAZE"

"THAT SHINES FOR ALL TO SEE"

"WE'LL BE TOGETHER"

"MY DINKI DONUTS"

"DINKI DONUTS"

"AND I.."

Wow.

It's not good, I know that.

Donny just.. he told me

that you guys are struggling..

so I came up with something as a joke. Really.

No, no, I don't think you were joking.

You hated it, right?

Actually, urm..

I kinda' loved it.

No way.

Yes way.

Andy, why do you seduce

all those women?

Multiple partners is not what turns me on.

It gets in the way with what

really matters..

intimacy, romances, commitment.

Yes, yes. I think, that is exactly what ...

I have a friend.. a friend who

believes in all that stuff you believes in.

He was.. he was supposed to get married

to this woman, Cynthia..

but six weeks before the wedding..

she sleeps with some guy from the gym..

- And dumps him.

- Oh god.

And he was completely destroyed.

But even after all that..

he still believes in true love.

And even love at first sight.

- Oh, he sounds like a great guy.

- He's a great guy.

He just gave his heart to

the wrong girl, that's all.

A great guy.

So you tell me, Mr. G-Spot..

What makes you such a good lover?

I.. pay attention.

That's the secret.

I mean, every woman has at least..

one thing.. that, you know,

makes her highly excitable. So..

I just.. I find out what that

one thing is and work it until..

ecstasy is the inevitable result.

You know what gets me highly excitable?

Red wine, Merlot.

A guy all sweaty after work out,

smelling like a man.

Red wine, sweaty, that's good stuff. Interesting.

My feet.

If you give me a foot massage..

And I will lose all control.

Feet.

Why don't you show me one of your secret.

Okay.

Oh my god.

I bet you make girls crazy just by doing this.

- I'm being a bad girl, right now?

- Ya, me too.

I.. gotta go.

- Am I going somewhere with you.. or..?

- No..

We both have big days tomorrow.

- Good luck with your pitchy, Andy.

- Wait.

Why she just turn me off like that?

You know, she tells me all this

things that gets her off..

Like a Merlot..

a guy all sweaty after a work out..

a foot massage..

Why would she tell me if she wasn't into me?

I don't know.

This is only the most important day

of our professional lives.

Let's get our head in the game, okay?

Vitamins. Vitamins.

Lets get real.

I was wrong. Alright?

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