Growing Up and Other Lies Page #5

Right.

So I am telling him

that the rash

has spread to my legs

and I'm having trouble walking.

Ah. Oh.

Ergo, I won't be able

to go to his doctor.

Yeah.

Well...

Sounds medically dubious.

Yeah.

Hey, do you think that

the guys hate me?

Yeah.

No, seriously.

I mean, the whole lawyer

thing, the money,

it just feels different

than when we were all

unemployed and broke.

Yeah, you don't wanna

go back to that, though.

Well, I mean, do I?

Remember how much

you used to give blood?

Yeah...

It's not safe.

Yeah, but it was... It

was sort of exciting.

I guess.

I keep thinking about

what the most important thing

is for my son, what I...

What I want for him the most,

besides, obviously

wanting him to be...

Healthy, easy-going...

Yeah, sure.

I think it's just

for him to be confident

and not worrying all the time,

about what everyone else thinks.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

I like that.

I'm sorry for your loss.

My God...

The thing is, that I can't really talk

to my friends about it, you know.

They're good guys, but...

It's... We're not

really the kind of guys

who can, you know,

open up and...

And really, I'm sorry,

is there meant

to be, like, a booth

or a partition, or wall, or...

That's confession in a

Catholic church, Jacob.

We are Episcopalian.

Sure. Okay.

Just kind of feels weird talking

to someone I can't see.

I feel that way every

time I talk to God.

Zing.

Not really.

No. I guess not.

Well, I may as well

just dive into it, then.

I think I'm still in love

with Tabatha.

There it is.

I am.

And I also know

that my dad needs me.

That's important.

Especially now.

He's sick.

But I just... I can't

shake this feeling

that maybe leaving is

the wrong thing to do.

Let me tell you this.

God very rarely

limits us to two options.

In fact, our choices

are endless, infinite.

But it is up to us to make one.

I would love to be able

to tell you what to do.

But I'm an Episcopalian,

not a Catholic priest.

Right.

I get it. Okay.

You know what, just before I...

I'm not 100% on it.

So, when you say "infinite"

you know, there...

How many is that exactly?

It's like with Jesus.

Okay, hold on.

Accepting we all know how

that turned out for him.

You know.

No, I'm just... It's just...

I'm just saying.

It's probably not the

best example, that's all.

Go on.

I tell you what, maybe it's time

that you convert some of

that analytical energy

into kinetic energy.

Right.

Why is he taking us east?

Maybe he's

gonna go to the bathroom.

I need a cupcake.

I'm out of breath.

What the f*** is this?

It's a birthday

party for children.

Goddamn it!

Hey.

Jake!

Yeah! Hey.

Hey. Hey, Raja, Ankur.

Marty. Wait. Did you

finish your walk?

No, not yet.

We will.

I just wanted to...

Have you got a second?

Could I talk to you

for a second?

Uh, yeah.

Okay.

Of course.

Come on.

No, I'm not cheating!

I'm serious.

I cannot f***ing believe this.

I haven't been... No, I

abandoned work for this

and now, Jake just diverts the

whole thing for his ex-girlfriend?

It's unconscionable!

I wanna fly! I wanna fly!

I wanna fly!

Oh! Hey, there.

Sorry, little fella,

but we're all out of pixie dust.

Oh. Oh my...

Oh, my God!

He just licked me! Yeah!

Get him! Get him!

Why did you lick me,

you little monster?

Hey! I gotcha!

Hands! Stop it!

Stop it!

Ricky, Ricky, Ricky,

go, go over there.

Over there.

Ugh! That kid is awful! Oh.

Kid is my son.

Oh! Hey, friend.

Guys.

Hey, Zeke, how you doing?

Whoa! Blast from

the past...

What are you guys doing here?

Jake came to visit Tabatha.

We're on a bit of a...

Nostalgia tour.

Seriously?

Yeah.

I thought nostalgia was supposed

to be a pleasant thing.

Right. So...

Yeah.

So you have to sh*t

in a bathtub?

Yeah, two weeks, and

you can't tell anyone.

You have to deny it forever.

Yeah...

You know, I forgive that.

Really?

Yeah! For the love of my life, yeah.

Yeah. Wow!

Wow.

Yeah. But that does not

give you permission

to sh*t in Chuck and Joyce's bathtub.

Do not do it.

- Oh, bummer.

- Yeah.

And as far as the second part...

Hey, should I stay in New York?

Do you think?

Am I doing the right thing by...

I gotta get back to the party.

Hmm.

You still got it.

Yeah.

Hey, it's okay.

It's okay.

You got a problem?

You got an issue?

Do you have a problem?

All right, I'm gonna

give it a shot.

Oh. Yeah, sure. She

doesn't like men, so...

Oh. Let's see how this works.

There you go. Yeah.

There you go.

Kids like me.

Yeah.

I don't really like them.

But what are you gonna do?

Don't ruin her life.

Ah.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Okay.

Argh! Go!

Whoo!

Terrible choice.

Gun!

It's Melanie!

Melanie Ortmeyer?

Well, Melanie Macdonald now.

I thought that was you.

Do you remember me?

You're that girl that

doesn't listen, right?

I can't believe it! So

what are you doing here?

Living a personal nightmare.

This is such a coincidence.

You know, I just

had a dream about you.

Who cares!

God! You know, I haven't seen

you since Teach for America.

Yeah. I was a f***ing

disaster, right?

You don't really wanna

have this conversation.

Oh!

Do you?

You're here with Jake.

I saw him, too.

It's just like old times, huh?

Not at all.

I've got my little rugrat

running around here somewhere.

I don't give a sh*t.

You have stupid glasses.

You never would've have

thought I'd be a mom, right?

I thought you'd be dead by now.

I feel so old

just saying it to you...

Yeah, same to you later.

Oh. Bye!

Ahh! Why is this

happening to me?

Help!

You f***ing bit me

Yeah.

Yeah. Get him.

Oh, my God!

It's a nightmare!

Yes...

Oh, God!

Get off. Get off of me!

Um...

Do you have

another second just to...

It'll be quick.

Oh. I can't.

Well, we can. We did.

So we've already

kind of, you know, done.

It's been did. So...

I... I can't...

I'm still in love with you.

So...

Yeah.

I'll you get back to the

pixie dust station.

Okay. Don't say it

unless you mean it.

Okay, then, I'm still

in love with you.

Tabatha...

Look.

My parents are having one of

their pre-show dinner parties

in, like, in an hour and a half?

Why don't you come by?

We'll talk.

Yeah. Done.

All right.

Look, I... I'm just

warning you.

I've been crying for, like,

three days, on and off.

Mostly, on.

So I don't know if this is

nostalgia or... I just...

Come at your own peril,

that's what I'm saying.

Understood.

Okay, no more talking.

We'll talk about it

on the way over.

Okay.

Great.

Oh. Can I

meet you there?

Mmm-hmm.

Okay.

Okay.

F***...

How quickly... What is the

vaginal rejuvenation like?

Good question.

That I don't actually know.

Because Noreen

had a c-section.

Oh, okay.

Right, so it was fine.

Or it would've been fine

if we have had any desire

to have sex afterwards.

Do you remember boys'

breakfast every Saturday?

Yeah.

God.

The only way that a

girl would get invited

was if she'd slept with one

of us the night before.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes