Grown Ups 2 Page #3

Faster, faster, there you go.

Really fast.

Faster, faster.

Too fast.

Do it a little slower.

Now, everybody turn,

face the back of the room,

bend over,

and reach for your toes.

Why do we have to turn around?

If you please.

And bend over as

low as you can go.

Now take the right hand and slap

it against the right cheek.

Relax the wrist and slap

that right butt, slap it.

Good, I want to hear that slap.

Oh, yes, this is wonderful.

Morning, ladies.

You started without me?

Yes, just like you asked me to.

Say it's true even if it isn't.

What?

Oh, you loved it!

You loved it!

Yeah, that's my boy.

All right.

You're all prostitutes!

Anyway. I'm Kyle,

and welcome to the summer

session of Squatrobics 101.

I wish they called

it something else,

but that's what

they told me to say.

Okay,

so, before we start for real,

any questions?

Yes.

Are you married?

No.

Nope, I'm... I'm single.

Um...

Yeah.

I forgot. You're so

gorgeous, my head is spinning.

I'm sorry. God.

Go ahead.

I have a very important question,

and it's a two-parter.

The first part of

the question is,

"Did a scientist

make you in a lab?"

And the second part

of the question is,

"Can I stick my tongue down your

throat, please?"

All right, guys, look,

I'm flattered. Really, lam,

but most of you are married

and I happen to be gay.

Of course he is.

All of 'em.

That sucks!

What a waste!

Stay out of my bag, little man.

Why does she have this?

That's not a jock strap,

that's a G-string.

Well, well, well,

if it isn't Hollywood

and the Squares.

Hey, Malcolm, I didn't

know you worked at Kmart,

and apparently the hair on top of

your head didn't know it, either.

What?

Do me a favor, go like this.

I think I got

something in my teeth.

What?

You know,

next time, you should use that

Chia Pet stuff on your whole head.

What?

Why is Higgins buying

O.J.'s knife right now?

You think you're tough?

Hey, Malcolm,

is that the knife the Indians

used to half-scalp you with?

I don't even get that.

What?

Oh, come on, let's cheer him up

Benny Hill-style.

Here we go.

Come on,

come on, come on, come on...

Does that make you feel better?

Yo, Crocodile Dumb-dee,

how'd it go with the kid?

Good, good. He's in school.

Kid's in school for one day?

I didn't know what else to do.

He's a thug, Lenny.

He cut the head off a teddy bear.

Imagine what he'll do to me.

So you're gonna buy

this to cut his head off?

No, I just want him to think

I'll cut his head off

so then he won't

cut my head off.

You want to scare a relative

without causing permanent injury?

May I suggest this?

Ahhh!

Sir?

Sir? Can you get off the bed?

It's wake-up time.

Yeah, all right, Grandma, I'm up!

Stop yelling at me.

Now, why is... Being mean?

I like sleeping over.

It's just you always yell.

You don't have to yell at me.

I love you.

I don't understand.

Clean-up, aisle nine.

Get out of me!

And bring a shovel.

So, my son Bumpty told me

he's gonna ask your daughter

out on a date at school today.

First of all, my daughter's never

been out on a date before,

and I'm sure she's not gonna start

off with some kid named Bumpty.

He is the only other

black kid in her grade.

Wait, you want her

to date a white guy?

Yeah, Farrakhan.

I'd rather she date the whitest

white guy in the world

than your little

bald-headed boy.

All right, but, you know,

don't worry when she says yes,

'cause I already

had the talk with him.

What talk?

Dating.

I told him how we used to roll

with the ladies in high school.

You know, beep-beep.

What?

I should get some

pepper spray for my kid.

Some moron on the bus

keeps messing with him,

and he refuses to fight back.

You know, that reminds me

of someone I know.

Who?

You.

What are you talking about?

I got in plenty of fights.

Remember ninth grade

when Tommy Cavanaugh

moved here from Texas?

He nonstop abused you,

and you did nothing about it.

Tommy Cavanaugh

was a 'roid freak.

He had back zits

on his back zits.

Plus, he was

joking around with me.

If it was real, I swear to God,

I would've knocked him out.

Hey, isn't that

Cavanaugh right there?

Where?

Gotcha.

That was really funny,

man, really funny.

Hey, you weren't

exactly Captain Courageous

when we were

growing up, now, were you?

Hey, I never backed

out of a fight, though.

Yeah, but did you ever jump

off Suicide 35 at the quarry?

Oh, that's right.

He always came up with a

lame excuse not to do it.

What are you talking about?

"Oh, I can't. "

"I'm on my period.

It'll attract sharks. "

Suicide 35 off the top rock.

35 feet above the water.

My mom did that jump when she was

pregnant with me.

There's a raft in there?

Whoa!

Who did that?

All right, little birds.

Find your nests, man.

Float down.

There we go, and we're in.

All right, guys,

normally we don't have exciting

news this late into the term,

but we have a new student joining

us today, Braden Higgins.

Hey, there's an empty

seat over there, man.

Why don't you go cop a squat?

Or go that way, man.

Take your own path.

No.

I sit here.

Is your dad Marcus Higgins?

Yeah, I've known him since I was a baby.

He's the funniest.

The best. Great, great man.

I want to smash his face.

Yeah, me, too.

Yeah, I hate that guy.

Screw him.

Yo, Charlotte,

hold up, hold up. Question...

How would you like to spend

the first night of summer

with a hardcore up-and-comer?

What does that mean?

I think he's asking you out.

He is?

You are?

I don't make stuff up.

Well, can Donna come?

Three's a crowd, McCloud.

No, he didn't.

Yes, he did.

It's okay, Charlotte.

It's a date, your first date.

Just you two.

All right. I mean,

I'd have to ask my parents,

but I think that would be okay.

Hey, Bumpty.

You think just because

it's the last day of school,

you can sit and

socialize the entire period?

I don't think about stuff

like that, Lady Shorts.

Well, can you think fast?

Ow!

Who wants to

watch me climb a rope?

Yeah!

Ugh.

Oh, you're the man!

Whoo!

Yo, he's got to put those

Easter eggs back in the basket.

Dang!

Kelly, I don't want to hear it!

Oh, I can't take it anymore!

I wish I never had you!

Oh! Stop it! Stop it!

See, that's why I

don't want four kids.

Yeah, people with four just

lose their minds. Yeah.

They're yelling,

they're screaming.

Sometimes they go to jail

just to get some sleep.

Hold up. Hang on.

I got a burpsnart coming.

Uh-oh.

Ho ho!

Come on.

You got to teach

me how you do that.

A burpsnart? It's simple.

Yeah.

You just start with a burp,

then you sniff for a sneeze,

you get that going,

and that

triggers a fart, always.

What's up with this school bus?

Okay. I stole it.

What?

Put your hands in the air.

And wave them like you

just don't care "ho"

Oh!

Say "ho"

Oh!

I heard you're having

a party tonight, Lenny.

What? I'm not

having a party.

Where did you hear that?

He's a cop.

He hears everything.

Oh, God.

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