Grown Ups 2 Page #6

It's fine!

Hey, look at these

giant mooses out there.

You don't want to get

in the middle of all that.

Plus, the kicker,

honestly, is like,

one of the most

important guys on the team

and you don't have

to worry about getting

your head bashed in every play.

I get it, Dad.

I'm a wimp.

You're not a wimp.

It's just common sense.

Avoid big idiots

trying to hurt you.

I was trying to

avoid a big idiot

trying to hurt me on

the bus this morning,

but he wouldn't leave me alone.

Well, sometimes they

won't let you avoid them,

and you just... You can't back

down in those situations.

I'm telling you,

I've backed down a few times,

it's not a good feeling.

All right, look, let's just

kick a few field goals.

It's like soccer,

which you're great at.

All you got to do is put your

foot right through the ball.

Whoo!

What?

Touchdown! Yeah!

Yeah!

That's ridiculous!

Your first try?

All right,

we're backing up, boy.

That was totally awesome, Keithie!

That was so cool!

That was just, like, awesome!

Okay, drive through the ball.

Drive through the ball.

It's up!

Whoo! Yeah!

Whoo! Go, Keithie!

Yes! What did you

eat this morning?

All right, this is starting to

get into, like, college level.

From the 30!

Who the hell is this kid?

Oh, my God!

Stop! Keithie time!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

I'm starting to think

she has a little crush on you.

Really?

Either that or she got bit

by a poisonous spider.

Keithie! Whoo!

All right, let's see how you do

in a real game situation,

though.

Okay? Let's

pretend I'm a linebacker,

and I'm gonna come at you

and try and block it.

Okay.

Set!

Hike! I'm a crazy linebacker!

Give me that football!

Oh, my leg!

Keithie!

Don't tell your mother!

All right, that kid's dead.

Back to work.

Now, you remember how to do

a five-point turn, right?

Yeah.

Parallel park?

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, don't "yeah,

yeah" me, dumb-ass.

You're precious cargo.

Now, if you mess around

and get yourself killed,

I'm gonna have to kill you.

Look, Dad, I'm ready

for this, all right?

You're late.

Hello, McKenzie.

Hey, Wiley, how you feeling?

Oh, just two years of this.

And I still only have

40% feeling in my body.

Otherwise, I'm fine.

No, Rihanna's fine.

You just teach driver's ed.

Get her done, son!

And remember

everything we talked about!

Defensive driving!

Stop at all yellows!

Obey the laws!

You moron!

Look out!

Be safe!

Don't do what I just did!

Hey, officers,

you guys want to stick around

and have a drink with me,

hang out a little bit?

You're afraid of us leaving you

alone with your son,

aren't you?

My son... Are you

kidding me? I don't care...

Boo!

He's got a knife!

That sounds dangerous.

How far was the drop?

Just 35 feet.

Who do you think

you are, Tarzan?

It's no big deal.

Honey?

Hi, Sally.

Hi, honey.

I... No, I just came to see

if Mommy was alive.

And looking now,

she's breathing, she's good.

Hi. What are you doing here?

I was bringing your mother

a new fan for the summer.

That's good.

You said you couldn't

get coffee with

me because you had

a 3:
30 appointment

with a Mr. Renaldo.

Hello, ladies!

You!

Can't be!

We killed you. Last week.

You actually think

two amateurish nitwits

could kill The Great Renaldo?

I told you.

You did. You called it.

So the leg's not

really broken, huh?

No, it is broken, right here.

Just a hairline fracture,

though.

No, it's a clean break.

Slight, though.

Slight? No. It's broken.

Broken-broken or just broken?

It's a broken leg.

What was once one bone

is now two half-bones.

Right.

Is there anything you can do

about my wife staring at me?

No, I'm not a psychiatrist.

So you're saying

my wife is crazy?

No, no. I was joking.

Like you were when you said

his leg is broken.

Look, your son

is going to be wearing

that cast the entire summer.

If you don't mind,

I haven't slept in 68 hours.

So you're a little

loopy from lack of sleep,

and that really

isn't my son's bone.

That's a piece of

celery you snapped.

Lenny!

Yes?

The leg is broken!

You can't undo this,

and you lied to me,

so you're gonna pay for it.

Doctor, wouldn't it be nice

if there was a cure for anger?

There is.

It's called Jack Daniel's.

Another one of your jokes, huh?

I Wish.

Okay, the light is red

now, so just remain stopped.

Scully, is that you?

Scully!

Hey, what's up, fellas?

Are you taking your

driver's test drunk?

Yeah, I'm MC Hammered!

Oh! You're a madman!

Psychopath, man!

Hey, Scully, Scully.

Have you seen those old townies

from the quarry today?

No, I can't say I did. Why?

They

disrespected our frat house!

Man, they disrespected

the crap out of it!

Oh, no, can't have that.

Brewski time, dude!

It's not for you, Scully.

It's for that freak

in the hat next to you.

Looks like he needs it.

Boom!

Yeah!

That just happened!

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Taking your driver's

test while intoxicated?

Minus five points.

This is ridiculous!

I've wasted an entire day waiting

for this idiot to show up.

Did you tell him your son-in-law

works for the cable company?

A fat lot of good being related

to that bozo would do me.

I'm gonna run to the bathroom.

Love to the children.

Yes. Yes.

Damn it, I just sat down.

I'll be right out there!

Hang on!

I'm coming as quick as I can.

I got bunions, damn it!

No! No!

You burn in hell!

You cable-installing mother...

Oh, damn it!

Look, man,

I know deadbeat dads

always have lame excuses

why they don't see their kids,

but "I didn't know you existed

till about a week ago"

is actually a fantastic excuse.

So can you cut me some slack?

Her name's not Hiccups McGee.

Yeah, I know that.

So why do you call her that?

No, that's just...

It's stupid.

It's just kind of

a nickname I give people that,

you know, have a distinct

trait or physical feature.

Like, if someone had big lips,

you'd call them Lippy McGee.

And if they sneezed a lot,

you'd call them Sneezy McGee.

Oh, so you'd be Ugly McGee.

I'd be Ugly McGee.

Exactly.

Shorty McGee.

Shorty McGee, sure.

Viagra McGee.

Right, right.

You get it, you get it.

Listen, man,

I'm willing to give

this a try if you are.

You know what they say... Yesterday's

history, tomorrow's a mystery.

Maybe we go inside

and search the Internet

for funny videos of

squirrels waterskiing.

Okay, we're getting somewhere.

I'm sorry I lied

about the appointment.

The lying's not the worst part.

You hid from me at your

mother's house, Eric.

Who does that?

Look, she's nice to me.

You know,

she always takes my side,

worries if I'm eating enough

and taking my vitamins.

I do all that stuff, too, Eric.

Okay, I don't.

You're right.

You know, there's only

so many hours in a day,

and I'm always

running around the kids,

and I guess I

leave you out a lot,

and I'm really gonna try harder

to make you feel special,

'cause you always make me feel

like the only girl in the world.

I feel bad.

Don't feel bad.

No, I do,

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