Grudge Match Page #3

Now you went to 100?

I was thinking about

the thing at the house.

Don't worry, it ain't gonna happen.

Just give me the 15 grand

you promised for the game.

Hey, jagoff, you

promised him 15 grand?

He did. Give me the money.

They're not gonna pay you.

Lucky if they don't sue

for breaking the equip...

- I needed that money.

- I should be doing this for the 15.

You should get off me

in front of this police station.

I got more money for you.

Nothing you could offer me.

I ain't fighting.

You're still a chickenshit.

- Razor, don't walk away.

- Why don't you wanna do it?

- Please.

- It's a chance of a lifetime, you moron.

Not helping. Razor!

- What are you provoking him for?

- I'm not. I didn't do anything.

Well, I did do something,

but that's a long time ago.

And that's probably what it is.

I banged his girlfriend.

- I'm sorry, what?

- I knocked her up. His girlfriend.

Great segue into information

I needed to know earlier.

Probably wasn't a good idea.

A momentary lapse in judgment.

I'll say.

Putting your thing where it

doesn't belong. That's what you...

I can't... This is white

people sh*t, man.

Son of a b*tch. He ain't

ever gonna fight me.

Can't believe you would.

It's insane.

Oh, yeah? What? Give me one reason.

You're old. You're fat.

You got a bad back.

You got weak knees.

You're fat.

Hey, you know, don't sugarcoat it.

Be honest.

Ah...

It ain't gonna happen anyway.

It's never gonna happen.

Thank God for that.

Walter, where you going?

More layoffs, man. After 30 years,

they let me go just like that.

You're kidding.

Hey, Razor, boss needs to see you.

Least you don't have a family, man.

Okay, Razor.

No, done and done.

Hey, hey, look, get off my phone

before you change your mind.

Okay, man. Bye.

I am done with you! That's right.

It is over, you piece of sh*t.

Hell, yeah!

Yo! Get back in your car!

Ain't my car no more, b*tch! Okay?

I'm getting a new one!

Sorry! I just won a cracker lottery!

Thank you, Jesus!

Thirty years! Thirty goddamn years!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes, yes, yes!

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Yes! Yes!

Phew.

I gotta get in shape.

All right, Pittsburgh.

Who's ready to make history, huh?

I love it.

Okay, without further ado, I'd like

to reintroduce to the world...

...Billy "The Kid" McDonnen

and Henry "Razor" Sharp!

Come on, now!

- Thought you said there'd be a crowd.

- Trust me. Sit.

I want you all to

forget two things:

The Rumble in the Jungle,

the Thrilla in Manila.

But what you will never forget...

Grudgement Day! Questions.

- Uh, is this fight some kind of joke?

- No, it's not. Next question.

If one of you gets knocked down, is it safe to

say that you've fallen and you can't get up?

Okay. Does anybody

have a real question?

Razor, who do you think is in

better shape? You or the Kid?

Depends what kind of shape

you're talking about.

- If it's round, he is.

- Ha, ha.

- So who's gonna train you?

- Who's gonna train me? Frankie Brite.

- Really?

- Mm-hm.

- Isn't he training Geronimo Padilla?

- He is, but he's gonna train me too.

What precautions are you taking? At your age,

this really does seem dangerous, even deadly.

Understand something. This fight will be

cleared as if it was any other bout, okay?

Are either of you worried

that you won't pass?

No, I'm not worried.

I had all my shots.

Johnny Walker, Jack Daniel's.

- Jose Cuervo.

- Ha-ha-ha.

Dante, is there any shot

this would be the first

fight that features

Life Alert necklaces?

You're being very disrespectful.

A man turns 60, all of a sudden he's washed

up and you kick him out of the workplace.

That may have been fine 100 years ago,

when men were dying at the age of 50.

But in this world, it's different.

The elderly are strong.

Their spirit is strong.

And they have a voice.

And that voice is in these two

men and they will be heard.

Respect, b*tches.

Get up, right now.

- That's the way you sell a fight.

- You bet your old grizzly ass it is.

Hey, Razor.

- Whoa, Sally Rose.

- Hey.

I thought I saw you. I wasn't sure.

- Hey.

- You look good. How you been?

So why you here?

- I came to see you.

- You did?

Why would you want

to do something like that?

To talk you out of

this crazy fight.

I know what you mean. It's a little crazy.

You think it's kind of a joke, right?

I just don't want you to get hurt.

That's all.

That's good.

Nice seeing you.

How many alcoholic beverages

do you consume?

Normal. Five, maybe six.

- A week?

- Well, maybe a little more than normal.

Ah! Oh, baby Jesus.

It feels normal.

To you, maybe.

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma.

- There they are.

- Hey! Ha, ha.

Just like I said.

Paragons of health, huh?

Passed with flying colors.

Clean bill of health.

Not quite "with flying colors."

But it's our paintbrushes

that we painting with.

So look, I'm gonna introduce you

to a guy that's making this happen.

Lou Camare, our promoter.

I would've met you at

the press conference...

...but Junior begged me to let him go

in front of the cameras by himself.

This face needs solo exposure.

You know that.

You know, my brother's

the doctor who saw you.

And my other brother,

he's the commissioner.

I can get a dogfight sanctioned if I

needed to. This one was tricky.

Are you saying that I can

bring my dog here too?

That's not what he said. Why do I

feel like there's something coming?

Here's the thing. The

conference didn't go as planned.

We gotta sell 5000 tickets, baby.

Five thousand.

So I'm gonna need

help promoting it.

Not individuals, both of you.

Together. As a group, okay?

I could never spend more than

three minutes with this bum...

- ...unless I was beating the brains out of him.

- He's got it backwards.

He's punch-drunk.

I was smacking him around.

I smacked him from ring

post to ring post.

A little too much of this in

the head. Little too much.

- When's the fight?

- Boom.

Hey, listen. Bottom line is this: if we

don't sell tickets, we don't make money.

- No tickets, no money.

- "No tickets, no money." I'm in.

- That's my guy. No ticket, no money.

- No tickets, no money. No money, no fight.

No ticket, no money.

No fight, no money, no tickets. Either

way you put it, all three ways:

No tickets, no fight, no money.

No money, no fight, no tickets.

No fight, no money, no tickets.

What's the third one?

- All three ways.

- You got it covered.

What's your problem?

You gonna fight, fight.

You're not gonna fight, don't fight.

You fight,

you have to do these things.

The point that I'm making, in

order to do it, we gotta do it together.

Yeah, together. Okay.

It's show time

at the Miroquois Casino.

Slots, entertainment and the best

buffet on the Monongahela River!

Just ask these two.

Whoa, will you get a load

of that hunk of meat?

Hey, watch your mouth, Billy "The Kid"

McDonnen, onetime Light Heavyweight Champ.

I'm right over here. Right over

by the delicious prime rib.

Sorry, Henry "Razor" Sharp,

onetime Light Heavyweight Champ.

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