Grudge Match Page #4

I didn't hear you as I am distracted

by this mouth-watering chicken breast.

If you got a gambling problem,

if you're a degenerate...

...I wouldn't come down here

because gambling is a cancer.

Cut! Please just follow

the script, Razor.

It's not that.

The pictures make this look glamorous

but it could be a problem for people...

...and I'm saying

it should be known.

What is this, improv night at Chuckles?

Come on, say the words.

Well, maybe I just happened

to hit a sore spot, huh?

Didn't you lose 200 grand

betting the Buffalo Bills?

Who loses the Super

Bowl four times in a row?

I don't know. You.

- I thought they'd win once.

- Maybe you got a talent for losing.

- I got a talent for busting your...

- Hey, hey!

- You're getting personal.

- I'm standing here.

I'm gonna put that

sh*t right up your ass!

Heh. No such thing as bad publicity.

Those two ex-fighters

are making news again...

...and are trending on Twitter.

We'll have that...

- What a lot of crap.

- What's the matter?

You gotta fight in 12 weeks, you're doing

stupid publicity stunts. Who's training you?

Well, here's a hint:

Somebody I can trust.

Well, that's easy,

because you don't trust nobody.

- I trust you.

- Ha, ha.

Forget it. I'm a dinosaur.

Come on, we did pretty good

for 13 years together.

In case you haven't noticed, I can hardly

take care of myself. I'm like an infant baby.

Except I got three

white pubic hairs.

Heh. You can do this.

I haven't got time.

I gotta find myself a place to stay.

You can stay with me

until I find you a new place.

No. Don't spend any more money

on me. I'm almost done.

It's like polishing a turd.

Do you remember the first time

I came to the gym?

Do you remember what you

said to me? I do.

I said, "it looks like the garbage man

forgot to take out the trash."

Heh. Yeah. Something

cheerful like that.

Then you said:

"if I take you on, kid,

you're stuck with me."

You said that.

Don't quit on me, Light.

I won't quit on you.

Oh, here we go.

Call it.

It's a quarter.

Come on. Light, I need your help.

It'd be fun. One last time.

You know why I said what

I did about the garbage?

No.

I didn't want your head to get swelled

up. You were so goddamn good.

Thanks, buddy.

- Raze?

- Hmm?

Give me my quarter back.

- Seriously?

- Yeah.

How can you be so cheap?

I haven't got any money.

Give me my damn quarter.

Okay. Fine.

Nice car.

Oh, wow! This is exciting. Look who's

here to meet me. Kid McDonnen.

You know him from the Internet.

"Two old guys fighting."

He used to be Light Heavyweight Champ.

Wow, you put on a couple pounds?

- You're gonna get me in shape.

- Oh, really?

He's gonna get me in shape.

- Give us a couple minutes.

- They can come.

Watch a real reality show.

- Watch us negotiate.

- Okay. Okay! Ha, ha.

Hey! Ho-ho! All right.

- Let's get real, Kid.

- Okay, let's get real.

Me training you,

it ain't happening.

Well, this might be a problem, because

I already made the announcement.

You, my friend,

are embarrassing yourself.

A great performer knows when

it's time to get off the stage.

- What? Foreman fought when he was old.

- He was 15 years younger than you.

Listen, you know what I'm gonna do?

I'll go down there and fight

any one of those fighters, the best one.

And then if you see that I don't

have what you want, I'll walk away.

It's over.

Where's your dignity?

You're in my office, begging me

for a comeback you don't deserve?

- Well, take your best shot now.

- Whoa, Kid.

What are you flexing for?

Don't try it. I'm warning you.

I'll lay you out.

- Don't worry, I won't.

- All right.

Oh. Come on, Kid.

- What?

- I saw your fist clench 10 seconds ago.

I saw your eyes dart at my gut

five seconds ago.

You're an old man.

You're washed up.

- Ooh!

- Did you see that five seconds ago?

Huh? Huh? What?

My eyes darted there first.

I can't believe you. After what I

did for your father, your family...

...how you ever could say no to me.

You wouldn't have all

this if it wasn't for me.

You wouldn't have this gym

if it weren't for me.

I don't understand.

You mention my father. That's a low blow.

I respect what you did for my family.

- What are you gonna do?

- Okay, I'll let you train here.

Good.

I'll even get some of

my guys to help you out.

But you and I both know

I won't be doing jack.

Okay. Thanks.

- Long as we're clear.

- Yeah, all right.

See? You got me moving

faster already.

Hey. You again?

- Think I can talk to you for a second?

- Why do you keep following me around?

My name's BJ. I'm your son, Kid.

We should get some coffee.

Yeah, I'd like that.

Excuse me, can I just

ask you something real quick?

- You're in training, right?

- Uh-huh.

What are you training for?

A pie-eating contest? Heh.

That's all carbs.

That's good. Maple syrup.

It's healthy.

Some Scotch?

- So when did your mother tell you about me?

- Just last week.

Gotta tell you, if you weren't all over

the news, I don't think she would've.

So how is she?

Well, she's, uh...

She's emotional, you know?

My dad. Her husband, the guy who raised

me, he passed away recently so...

- Ah. Sorry to hear that.

- Thank you.

- Was he good to you?

- Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he was the best.

So.

What'd she say about me?

That you were pretty

much the worst.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Anything specific?

More specifically.

All right. All right.

She, um... She said

you turned into an a**hole.

Heh, that's what she said.

She said you became a womanizer

and a drunk. Loudmouth, you know?

- Is that all?

- That's it.

- That's bullshit.

- Ha, ha.

Well, I was all those things

way before I met your mother.

Yeah, she wasn't too happy about

me coming to see you today so...

Yeah. Well...

Well, why did you?

Guess I was curious.

You were never curious about me?

Your mother asked me to not make any

contact with you so I respected that.

You respected that, but...

You did know you had a son, right?

I wasn't ready to be a dad and your

mother got pregnant accidentally.

You had me and I was a mistake

you didn't want to deal with, right?

- I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry.

- No, it's okay, I get it.

- Don't take it like that.

- I'm not taking it any way.

You're not a mistake. You're here.

The situation was a mistake. I don't know.

It's okay. You don't owe me nothing.

Take that.

- Put that towards your double bypass.

- What's all this about?

When I came here today,

I was pissed off at my mom...

...because she kept you a secret from

me, but I think I get why she did it.

Good luck.

Home, sweet home.

It's exactly the

same as it was 20 years ago.

What's that?

It's my hobby. I got a creative side.

Didn't know that, did you?

No.

So where's the TV?

You don't got a TV?

I don't do TV.

- You don't do TV.

- Mm-mm.

You got an iPad?

No, I got a regular couch.

It's not a couch, dummy.

I know what an iPad is.

I'm just jerking your chain.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes