Grumpy Old Men Page #3

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in the tree house...

...you were my knight in shining armor.

And I got a black eye for my effort.

There you go.

I always knew, you know.

Knew what?

That you liked me since sixth grade.

You watched me with

your dad's binoculars.

What?

You never wondered why my curtains

were open just enough?

I thought I was lucky.

I just did it to torture you.

Well you succeeded wonderfully.

How come you never asked me out?

Hey, Mel! Hi, Jakie!

Mel, is the turkey supposed

to be smoking?

Oh, I better run.

Happy Thanksgiving!

How are you?

Good.

They're getting a divorce.

Mel and Mike are divorcing. They

call it a separation but it's a divorce.

I'm sorry to hear that.

So, are you seeing anyone special?

No, I guess not. Nobody serious.

What do you know?

We got a new neighbor, you hear?

Everyone in town is talking about her.

She hasn't been out since 11 :20.

What, are you clocking her?

She keeps odd hours.

Very interesting woman.

Sounds like a wacko to me.

I haven't had sex for 15 years.

Could I have some?

That was plenty.

Give Jakie some leftovers to take home.

He'll have his own.

That pre-cooked stuff his old man gets?

That tastes like cardboard.

Why don't you go and talk to her?

Talk to who?

You spent half the meal

staring out the window.

Squirrels.

The squirrels on her roof.

That's what I was staring at.

You're a handsome guy with a nice house,

a good pension. You got a lot to offer.

Well, I got something to offer her.

I got zip to offer her.

I can't tell if this is done!

Do you know how many minutes

this needs to cook?

Getting hungry.

Sure be nice to have some turkey.

Remember the turkey

your mother used to make?

Damn, she was a good cook.

You remember the stuffing?

The best.

How about those potato latkes?

You said Chuck was at the V.F.W.

He is.

I don't think so.

What are you talking about?

Looks like he's making a house call.

What?

What the--

Hell is he doing there?

He's going to do it.

So?

What?

What is he doing in that crazy....

-Son of a...

-Jealous?

He's in.

He's in. He's in.

Looks like Chuck's taking old one-eye

to the optometrist.

Oh, Jeez, Dad. What?

Chuck, where are you?

Hello, fellas.

Some game last night! Double overtime.

-Blackhawks were killers, weren't they?

-Did you catch the game?

Oh, sure. You were with

the guys at the V.F.W.

Yeah, how was the turkey at the V.F.W.

this year, Chuckie?

The turkey this year...

...was delicious.

Come on!

We saw you!

What'd you do?

-What's it like in there?

-What'd she say?

Fellas!

Some experiences in life are too rich...

...and too beautiful to put into words.

What does that mean exactly?

Could have been either of you

if you just had the guts to ask.

-You and she?

-I'm not talking about sex, dummies.

Of course not.

Oh, I get it.

Your old pal failed you, Chuck?

Couldn't rise to the occasion?

Yes, the spirit was willing--

But the flesh was....

Weak.

If it wasn't sex, what was it?

It was an awakening.

Ariel reminded me that I was alive.

That I was a man full of energy,

love and passion.

It was like being young again.

If only for a moment.

Couldn't get it up, huh?

Get out of here, both of you.

Yeah, I'll see you.

So long.

Hey, boys.

That's not just a woman

living across your street.

She's an angel.

Angel, right.

Take it easy.

See you.

Holy moly!

Look at all the crap you....

Excuse me. The stuff you got here.

Well, it's my inspiration.

You did?

You're an artist?

I try.

I used to teach courses

in Expressionism at Berkeley.

But now I'm back to

the classics of literature.

Berkeley, that explains it.

Oh, my God!

What?!

Your TV. It's got no guts.

I took them out.

How could you do that

to a '54 Super Zenith?

This TV is a classic.

I could fix it for you

if you wanted me to.

That's what I used to do.

I was a TV repairman.

That's so sweet, Max, but...

...I think it works quite well...

...just the way it is.

How the hell does she see any shows?

Holy moly!

You met Ernest.

Who?

The model was my husband.

He sure wasn't pleased about

modeling in the nude.

Took quite a bit of prompting.

I must say.

He's...?

Passed on.

Five years ago.

Would you like some coffee?

Cream and sugar?

You moved around a lot

the last few years.

Yes, I think it's exciting

to experience new things...

...new places, and meet new people.

Like you.

Do you paint?

Paint? Me?

Sure do.

I paint the shed every spring.

-You get it?

-I get it.

I mean, you know...

...pictures, paintings.

What for?

Everyone needs some form of...

...release.

I fish.

Fish?

Fish?

Oh. Yeah. Fish.

I can see the beauty in that.

You can?

Miss Truax...

...would you honor me by accompanying

me to my ice shanty tomorrow?

I'd be honored.

See you tomorrow.

Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

Be careful!

"We're having a heat wave

A tropical heat wave"

"We're having a heat wave"

-I can't hold it!

-Reel him in!

-I can't hold him, Max.

-Work him!

-I am trying! I can't hold it!

-Reel it in!

-I'm trying but I can't!

-Okay, give me the pole.

Hold on! Not on your life!

Pull it! You got to pull it!

No, don't pull too hard! That's it.

Morning, John.

Morning, Punky.

I almost lost him.

Oh, Max, he's just magnificent.

He's a record breaker!

About three feet!

I can see the beauty in this now.

-Can you see it?

-Yes, the lure. No, the fight.

Wait till I show the guys.

The catch!

And then the release.

What? There's no release.

Ah, yes, it's beautiful.

No, what's beautiful is this monster

on my wall stuffed!

There can be no stuffing.

This is a live creature.

Full of courage and life.

Nobody'll believe me. I need a camera.

-I hear the water calling it back.

-Where is it?

-Here we go!

-Wait!

Calling!

Here! Hold it!

Hey! Just finishing breakfast.

So I see.

Colder than a witch's titty out there.

Where did you get this?

I snagged it about an hour ago.

The only damn thing I caught all day.

Chuck, guess what Pop found?!

Chuck, you forgot to unlock

the back door, you dummy.

Isn't it wonderful to have

a little adventure every day?

You're one hell of a fisherman, Ariel.

I learned from the best.

Hope you didn't mind putting them back.

That's okay.

Gustafson does the same thing.

He just keeps the ones he eats.

That's what he says.

I think he never catches them.

I think we're going to be great friends.

Oh, friends. Friends is good.

That's good, isn't it?

How about some supper tonight?

After your class, I mean.

Oh, thank you so much, but I already

have made plans. I'm sorry.

I'll take a rain check.

That's a deal.

Until we meet again, my dear Ariel.

Good-bye.

Watch out! Don't slip!

Well, Gustafson, looks like

the best man won.

Yeah, you always were a lousy loser.

He's dead.

What? Who?

Chuck!

Chuck? How?

Last night in his sleep.

His sleep.

Lucky bastard.

You might have known if you hadn't

been out with that minx.

Hey, it ain't my fault.

Chuck was my friend too!

You call yourself a friend, bastard!

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