Hai-Alarm am Muggelsee Page #4

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the shark alarm is as much a win-win

situation as options b) and c),

but in certain economic

areas such as water sports,

boat rentals and bathing articles,

the shark alarm is toxic,

and we should probably

anticipate claims for damages.

Let's hear what

the fish expert has to say.

It's not necessarily a shark.

In any case

- So what do you propose?

More analysis, statistics

- Ah, a working group!

How many people do you need?

- Really just me.

Because if there are... -A working

group needs at least three people,

otherwise it's not a working group.

Then I'll take...

I'll take Ms Baum.

I'd like her.

- Why me?

Because you're an attractive woman,

and you come from city marketing

and city marketing and marine expertise

complement each other in away that...

In that case I'd like to be in, too;

as a shark hunter.

As a shark hunter you're biased...

- We need a third member,

someone who can look at the position

from a historico-critical perspective.

A historian.

- female historian!

female!

And who are you, Ms...?

Mller. Gabi Mller. female historian.

You're in! From now on we'll

take option b) point 1:

Carry on as before,

but with a working group!

B) point 1:
Carry on as before,

but with a working group

City marketing stands

and falls on the competence

of the people who practise it.

There's a lot of money to be lost and

always competition with other cities.

That's stressful,

and we do it here

just for Friedrichshagen.

Just for Friedrichshagen.

Tourism is a undoubtedly

a double-edged sword.

He who wields it

will always lose in the end.

But poverty's even worse

and no town is valueless.

So close your eyes and set to,

and we do it here

just for Friedrichshagen.

Just for Friedrichshagen

OK, let's put it to a vote.

Vote?

The working group has to report first.

No, the other stuff:

About the cars, the signs

and the Greek restaurant!

Because the concession

for the Greek restaurant

will only be awarded in conjunction with

the provision of three

parking spots, of which

it's well known

that two are full of junk.

Although, in accordance with

Friedrichshagen traffic laws,

there is a No Dumping sign, in contra-

vention of those laws, erected there.

I've got to be going.

I've sorted out the

business with the sign.

What do you want here?

I thought we were done.

Daily point of order number 7:

Report of the working group.

Shark alarm.

Ah, right,

but we shouldn't just sit down again,

we need some action.

OK, listen,

I'm going down BIschestrae

and you give me

a good sequence shot, will you.

Great. A sequence shot.

From the microbiological

fish analysis index,

we have both good news and bad...

- Give me the bad first.

The lake has excessive level of shark

antibodies, which... -How excessive?

Three times.

The normal level for

shark antibodies is 17.

We have 51, but applied

to the official median value,

as defined by the Society

for Inland Water Research...

Thank you. Here!

That's fun, isn't it?

And the bad news?

That was the bad news.

There's a probability of 28 percent...

I just want the results from you.

You can leave the evaluation to me.

How does this look from

the city marketing perspective?

47 percent of the inhabitants of

Friedrichshagen believe in the shark,

28 percent believe in the Alarm,

the rest are undecided.

I'd like to tell you the good news...

Hi there, Chief!

- Hi.

Once more:

what have the people got to say?

Of the 28 percent for the

immediate Alarm,

48 percent are for paid leave, but

only 32 percent for the shark alarm.

That's not enough.

Can you combine them?

It would only be possible

on a historico-critical basis.

That would bring Ms Mller

into it, the stupid pig.

I just wanted to give the good news

- Listen to me, my good man:

Good News is when we have a shark alarm.

We have an election, soon,

and when there's an alarm, the advantage

is always with the incumbent.

That's the way it is!

So, Ms Mller!

We've discovered that in 1974

the Comecon organised a circular

exchange denominated in roubles.

What was the Comecon again?

Council

for Mutual Economic Assistance.

The Czechs had Barkas cars

which they wanted to sell to Bulgaria,

the Bulgarians had sheep's cheese,

which the Czechs didn't want.

The Czechs wanted steel,

which the Russians had,

but Cuba wanted the sheep's cheese,

so the East Germans and the Russians

Soviets!

So the East Germans delivered

birch wood to the Russians,

the Cubans got their sheep's cheese.

and so far so good.

But what do you think the East Germans

got in exchange from the Cubans?

Cigars?

- No.

Sugar?

- No.

Doctors?

- No.

White rum with lime juice and sugar?

- No.

Where have you come from?

I was just at Paul's Batteries.

For batteries.

Ball point pens?

- No.

I give up.

Moments like this are

why I became a historian!

The Cuban Pet Shark!

- What?

The Cuban Pet Shark.

Back in the day

genetic engineering was in its infancy

and test-tubes were still test-

and a sunny future

beckoned for socialism.

When the shark hatches,

it's still quite small

and the ideal size to be a pet:

it's beautiful, healthy and eats

anything; it's good-tempered and

likes to be petted.

The only problem was with its size:

What happened

to the fish-paste sandwiches?

Before there were always

fish-paste sandwiches.

In order to limit the shark's growth,

a variety of things were tried:

Chemotherapy, radiotherapy, diet,

mechanical trauma, occult practices,

gene manipulation,

Himalayan salts, everything.

In the end, a cocktail of these things

led to a certain amount of success,

at least in the case

of the saltwater shark.

The freshwater version,

the notorious series R23PO,

turned out to be a genetic time bomb.

So the deliveries to East Germany were

exclusively the saltwater version,

although the East Germans

had ordered the freshwater fish.

The Cubans hoped

this wouldn't be discovered until

they had eaten the sheep's cheese.

As it turned out..

.. a Cuban seaman, who hoped

to exchange Cuban cigars in Rostock

for an East German Harry Belafonte LP,

but couldn't get hold

of the cigars in time,

happened to be

carrying an example

of the freshwater shark's version R23PO,

which, unlike it's saltwater brethren,

was the only animal to survive,

which he exchanged for a copy of

Frank Schbel's Joyful Family Christmas

at the backdoor of the

Khlungsborn Retail Co-operative.

The fish made its way

through our Republic;

through Schwerin, Leipzig, Dresden,

Lbbenau and then down

the River Spree to Friedrichshagen,

where, as a product in the 'Ho Chi Minh'

animal supply store on BIschestr-,

where Kaiser's stands today,

it was sold by comrade Mller in 1974

to two brothers called Mller.

At that time, the shark was still small.

That's a hell of a long time ago.

Those kids must be adults now.

And called Mller.

- If they're still alive.

Maybe Snake Mller?

After all, he is called Mller.

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