Hai-Alarm am Muggelsee Page #5

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So? I'm called Mller too.

Me, too.

- And me, too.

But you didn't grow up

in Friedrichshagen, Officer Mller.

And me neither,

I'm actually from Kpenick,

although that should remain between us.

I'm from Hirschgarten, damn it!

You!

You're called Mller.

And you're from here.

Yes, but I'm a woman.

Right.

And you're married to Snake Mller,

so I've heard.

Was! Was married!

In any case, she wasn't born Mller.

No, I was born Mller. When I married

Snake, I kept my own name.

Has Snake got a brother?

Yes, but Snake says

he changed his identity.

Very suspicious.

We should ask Snakey.

Tell me, Snake,

do you have a brother?

That's none of your business, Mayor.

You can call me Mr Mller.

- Me too!

OK, enough fooling around.

I'll ask you straight:

Snake Mller, did you, along with your

brother, at some time in the 70s,

buy a shark in a pet shop?

Why do you want to know that?

- So I can finally issue the shark alarm!

And just why would you want

to issue the shark alarm?

The people are restless.

They don't dare go in the water.

The work group is stalled.

It's time for the shark alarm,

it's our first and last possibility,

the Greatest Good,

the Alpha and Omega

of municipal politics!

Then issue it.

I've seen the shark!

Really, where?

Here in the lake.

I went down in the cage. I saw it.

And you didn't tell me about this?

- I'm telling you now.

Hm did it look?

It looked good. Healthy. And the teeth!

Was it a Cuban pet shark?

No idea.

They all look the same to me.

They all taste the same too.

Except for the Hammerhead,

that tastes different.

Then I'll put it here,

that you've seen the shark,

and I'll need your signature.

This is the order for the

shark alarm -Yes.

Sign here and here.

And here.

Then it's all official and perfect!

Yes.

Yup.

Yeah.

Y. Ja.

Yo.

Yah.

Ye-he.

Yee-hah.

So that's it.

Do you have a picture of the shark?

- Yes.

I really can't make it out from this!

- They always look like that.

Anyway, I've got the order-form now!

Photos can be faked. Order-forms not.

A):
We issue the shark alarm

Shark Alarm, Day 1

What now?

First we close Lake Mggel Boulevard.

Shark...

Alarm

on Lake Mggel

Slop!

Shark alarm.

Shark alarm?

What's that?

Is there free beer?

- No.

It's shark alarm.

No free beer.

This is a restricted area here.

- What's that supposed to mean?

No idea. Shark alarm. That's all.

It's like that.

Stop complaining

and just do it.

OK people

Shark alarm.

You're not allowed to be here.

This is a wall.

Hold on! You're a mime,

are you allowed to talk?

Only when there's the shark alarm.

And only when I make this movement.

See! there's a shark alarm!

Does that mean there's a shark in here,

or what? -of course.

What do you think?

Danger of death!

What are doing there?

Nowt.

Also nowt!

- Well go and nowt somewhere else.

You have to leave. Shark alarm,

the area has been evacuated!

What's going on here?

- Shark alarm. It's closed.

The whole Lake Mggel Boulevard?

Sure.

Restricted area.

Shark alarm.

But we live here.

It's closed.

Everyone evacuated.

We need clothes.

Can we go in and get some?

I'll look may for a mo.

But careful!

And be quick about it!

There's fear on the streets of

Friedrichshagen. Shark alarm.

Lake Mggel Blvd. has been evacuated,

and no one knows how this will end.

Here on BIschestrae, I'm talking

to a citizen of Friedrichshagen. Mr

Mller.

I own the lido, the brewery, the barber

all on Lake Mggel Boulevard.

I've got the boat rental,

the tram, all mine.

If it goes on like this,

then Good Night!

The voice of a simple Friedrichshagener.

And here I have the Mayor, Mr

Mller.

Everything's under control.

Here on BIschestrae it's quite safe.

Do you know what's going to happen?

The shark alarm offers opportunities and

learning experiences for the community.

Take BIschestrae:

Look what's going on here!

Its value has increased

after the shark alarm.

So we've decided to hold the

BIsche Festival tomorrow.

The BIsche Festival?

Wasn't that in May?

Then we'll have it again!

Can you do that?

- of course!

They don't have just one

Oktoberfest in Munich!

What are you doing here Ms Baum?

I don't have to justify myself.

I'm entitled to a sex life

like any healthy person.

Not the sick?

Your sex life

means nothing to me, Ms Baum,

but we've now had 12 hours of

shark alarm in Friedrichshagen

without any contribution from

the city marketing department,

you stupid whore!

What do you want with her, Snake?

She's good looking. And she really

knows a lot about city marketing.

Why did you come back, Snake?

- My green card expired.

Since when do green cards expire?

- Mine did. It was home-made.

I didn't want to see any more sharks.

And you.

Didn't want to see me anymore?

No, on the contrary.

If it was me,

why did you start with her?

I'm a shark hunter, Gabi.

Yes. And not a specially good one,

it would appear!

Don't fool yourself. In the end

we always get what we want.

'Don't fool yourself. In the end

we always get what we want. '

'Don't fool yourself. In the end

we always get what we want. '

'Don't fool yourself. In the end

we always get what we want. '

Chief, the Rainbow Warrior has arrived.

Eh? The Rainbow Warrior.

Which Rainbow Warrior?

The one from Greenpeace!

- What do they want with us?

They say it's because of the whales.

The election?

That's not for six weeks.

Not the election, the whales!

Whales?

I thought it was a shark!

Yes, it was a misunderstanding,

they said.

Chief, I've got Wannsee on the phone.

They want their own shark alarm.

Wannsee?

The Wannsee is no lake,

it's the lower intestine of the Havel.

And everyone knows

what's in the lower intestine.

No, no! We've got the exclusive rights.

You can have a carp alarm!

If they call again, send them

the Rainbow Warrior.

Got any plans for tonight, Ms Baum?

Wannsee

Carp Alarm

Mr Mayor, under no circumstances

mention Wannsee.

Not Wannsee, not bathing trunks,

not Grunewald,

not timber auction and not Zehlendorf.

Why the hell should he mention Wannsee?

Not that. Nor Cuba, leave that out.

And apart from that tax reform,

elections, communal fees,

marine mammals,

Schnefeld, Schneberg,

Schneweide, Upper Schneweide,

Karlshorst, Kpenick, Hirschgarten.

Don't mention any of them.

What about Rahnsdorf?

- If you must.

Also bad:
maternity leave,

administrative reform,

er... where to get

the best Currywurst.

The best Currywurst?

Everyone knows that. It's at..

One moment!

It's nothing!

So let's do it!

Give me your name-plate.

Ms Baum. I've got yours.

And I've got yours.

That's funny.

So swap them, you whore!

We'll take questions. Please state

the name of your newspaper.

You, over there,

with the short trousers.

Excuse me, my dear mayor.

- What's your paper, for God's sake!

Excuse me, officer,

I am Jaqueline Oublinski,

and I work for Le Figaro, Paris,

and for Le Nouvel Observateur,

but for the Observateur

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