Hai-Alarm am Muggelsee Page #6

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I work only Saturdays and Sundays.

I'm a freelance journalist,

but in time I hope to...

- Your question, please!

My question is, do you have the

permission of Greater Berlin's mayor...

What's his name, Wowereit? Diepgen?

for the shark alarm?

Not necessary, Madame!

I don't have to get permission

from anyone,

Christ's sake!

It's our shark alarm,

it always was our shark alarm,

and it always will be

our Shark-Alarm.

Buy, buy, and Gnther Jauch,

he sits in the window and is bought,

bought, bought, Gnther Jauch,

Gnter, nice little buy, buy...

Go on, shop, shop, shop!

Waldemar Koslowski,

Gazeta Wyborcza.

My question is,

are Polish waterways affected?

No, it's not a problem.

As I understand it,

the Spree ows downstream from Cottbus

through Lake Mggel, into the Havel,

and on into the Elbe,

from where it ows into the North Sea.

No Polish waterways are affected.

From the North Sea

it's in international...

waters.

And what have you purchased?

- Shark gristle mixture.

And you bought that on the street?

And not in the pharmacy?

We have a shark alarm, and this is

the BIschestr. -Yes, that's just great.

You're all big

friends of Gnther Jauch!

Hans-Peter Boulett,

Friedrichshagen Daily Mulberry.

When will the shark alarm end?

I don't understand the question.

When will it stop, the shark alarm?

What do you mean, stop?

It's only just started.

It's a simple question:

how long will it last?

Well, yes...

to my way of thinking

Shark alarm Protocol,

shark alarm Identity,

shark alarm Confirmation...

shark alarm...

Ah, yes, here it is:

Shark alarm Cancellation:

The cancellation of a shark alarm

is possible only

under the following conditions:

a) the shark is demonstrably killed.

B) the shark is demonstrably removed

from the water,

or c) a false alarm.

And when none of those conditions

are met?

Then the shark alarm will stay in place.

Forever, or what?

- Naturally.

As I read it here, it's forever.

So it would be shark alarm forever?

- Yes.

It would be shark alarm forever.

OK, so now we can all sing the song.

Everyone has the sheets?

Hah! All waiting for me, were you?

Everyone got the lyrics?

All bought something?

Just wait till it comes onto dry land!

And now:
music!

Friedrichshagen, Friedrichshagen

You lovely hooker, you lovely hooker

I love you more,

I love you more than Berlin.

All together now!

Friedrichshagen, Friedrichshagen

You lovely hooker, you lovely hooker

I love you more,

I love you more than Berlin.

They wanted your innocence

and your waterworks

and made you a stepchild

of Kpenick and Treptow

but what do I care, my

Friedrichshagen, Friedrichshagen

You lovely hooker, you lovely hooker

I love you more,

I love you more than Berlin.

They wanted your beauty

and your local brew

and made you a slave of Grnau

and Johannisthal

it's all the same to me, for:

Friedrichshagen, Friedrichshagen

You lovely hooker, you lovely hooker

I love you more,

I love you more than Berlin.

They wanted your beaches

and the Mggelspree

and made you a soggy

yes-man obliged

to Greater Berlin.

But to all this I have to say:

Friedrichshagen, Friedrichshagen

You lovely hooker, you lovely hooker

I love you more,

I love you more than Berlin.

I can walk!

I can walk!

- One more time!

Friedrichshagen, Friedrichshagen

You lovely hooker, you lovely hooker

Shark Alarm, Day 2

Anyone know where the shark alarm is?

- Yes. Where have you come from?

Kreuzberg and Friedrichshain, Everyone's

coming, because the shark alarm is here.

Where is it, anyway?

- It's everywhere, the shark alarm.

It's here and in BIschestrae

and in the station too.

I can't believe it!

Is it here too?

- Here most of all.

This is the restricted area,

you'll get the best

shark alarm of them all!

I'm in Friedrichshagen,

on BIschestrae, where,

for the first time, the BIsche Festival

takes place a second time in one year.

And it's a big success.

But are there dissenting voices?

I'm talking to a normal

bystander here, Ms

Mller, Gabi Mller.

Ms Mller,

what do you think of

the BIsche Festival

taking place for the second

time in one year?

I'd like to issue the

following statement:

The decision to hold BIsche Festival

for the second time in one year

was taken without my knowledge

and without my approval.

I refuse to take responsibility

for this idiocy.

It has probably something to do with the

city-marketing whore on your left!

I'll pass the question over:

Ms Baum, you are responsible

for city marketing,

what is your view

of today's events?

I have the following

statement to make:

Gabi Mller is a stupid c*nt

who deserves no sympathy.

Shark Alarm, Day 3

Snake! Snake!

What's up, sweetie?

- Leave the shark alone!

Do nothing!

The shark alarm is a real winner!

The BIsche Festival

will be indefinitely extended.

People are coming to Friedrichshagen

from all over!

It's the marketing, Snake, this is

how it's done! -Well, well.

Snake, leave the shark in peace.

Say it!

I know it was you, Snake

You were one of the brothers.

You can admit it. I'll never tell

on you because I love you.

Shark Alarm, Day 4

What do you think of

Friedrichshagen's shark alarm?

Crazy.

It's just crazy.

Shark Alarm, Day 5

Can you see anything?

- No.

No. Why should it be right here,

of all places?

Exactly what I've always said:

why should it be right here?

And still they've closed my lido.

What are you doing here?

This is a restricted areal

Restricted area?

Take a look at him.

Are you crazy?

What if something happens to him?

What's going to happen?

And if it does?

Why should it be right here?

I haven't seen anything.

But go away when you're done.

This is a restricted areal

Shark Alarm, Day 7

Be careful now, in spite of everything

you must consider that

such a creature plays

an important role in the

ecosystems of Lake Mggel.

By making a tenor zone

at the center of the lake

it's forcing marine life

to the edges and the coral reefs

Yes, yes, but what does that

mean in practice?

First of all one has to consider

Let me ask a randomly selected

citizen of Friedrichshagen.

What do you think of all this?

- It will come onto land, and

then you'll see what use

shopping was to you!

That'll be the end of

to fucky-fucky and party-party.

Then it'll come

and come over you.

Gnther Jauch won't be any help at all

Gnther Jauch won't

be any help at all!

Shark Alarm, Day 8

So what's today's agenda, Ms Baum?

None, it's shark alarm

What? No agenda?

- No. Because of the alarm.

And what do we do next?

We need an agenda.

Here's the agenda.

If you have nothing more to say,

then just try my new Alarm Beer.

Should you be brewing at all? Lake

Mggel Boulevard is evacuated after all.

Of course! I have a special permit.

Because it's Alarm Beer.

So...

Ah! Well then

Right.

- Well in that case...

Shark Alarm, Day 10

Today's agenda?

- Item 1:
Alarm Beer.

Alarm Beer...

With me are two Kreuzbergers who not

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