Half Magic Page #6

---

I'm attracted to you again,

you know? That's what works.

The plan worked, okay?

So let's just go have sex

in my office.

No.

Everything you have is...

Turn your f***ing head.

What's your... What's your name?

Demarcus.

You're the whitest guy

in the world,

and his name's f***ing Demarcus.

Hey, I'm DeShawn.

Anyway,

every-- everything you have

is because of me.

But I want to be a writer.

Can you just make sure

you supervise

all the nipples, please?

That's what I need from you.

That is, if you want to get

a paycheck, big b*obs.

[SIGHS]

"I want to be a writer."

[MUMBLING]

Mark was down there

for so long.

I wonder

what he was thinking about.

-He was thinking: Yum, yum!

-[LAUGHING]

I feel like guys

who won't go down on you

aren't hetero enough.

I mean, what would

they rather be doing,

sucking a cock?

This guy sounds amazing.

You can totally tell

the difference between a guy

who's into it

and a guy who's not.

I didn't even know

that I liked it that much,

but I haven't had sex

with a lot of people.

It's good if a guy's good at it.

Otherwise, it's like sandpaper

rubbing against your clitoris

while you lay in a pool

of saliva.

-Ah!

-Oh!

Well, this guy was great at it.

I think he could write

an instruction manual

-on tonguemanship.

-Wow!

-Did you have sex?

-I had great sex.

-I had the best sex of my life.

-[BOTH GASP]

You guys both had great sex

and I got nothing.

Are you going out again?

I don't know.

What's the point?

-Getting head!

-The best sex of your life.

I can't. I just look better

with clothes on.

I don't want him

to see me naked.

But you let him lick

your naked vagina.

I know, but that was

just one tiny section

down there.

And-- and I had clothes on.

Plus, I work

with models all day at work,

and they're

in such great shape.

Just-- I look like crap

compared to them.

You are hot!

I don't know.

Maybe he's too nice.

I'd take nice

over mean any day.

Yeah, or commitment-phobic.

Let's make a pact

to be with good guys only.

Guys who treat us great,

like we deserve.

Yeah, good-guy pact.

Mark is so handsome.

There must be

something wrong with him.

Or maybe I just don't know

how to be with someone

who's so sexually giving,

which means I like jerks,

which also means I can't be

in the good-guy pact.

I'm gonna light a candle

for you and Mark.

Me, too. Okay.

-Don't forget the pact.

-[SIGHS]

Good guys only.

-Good guys only.

-Good guys only.

-Maybe sometimes a jerk?

-No.

-No.

-No? Jerk sex?

-No jerk sex.

-Aw.

-[PHONE RINGING]

-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Oh, hey.

Um, thank you

for sending me your script,

The Red Flow.

I-- I thought it was hilarious.

-You read it?

-I loved it.

Yeah, but will it ever be made?

A movie about a girl

getting her period.

Why not?

You know, I really want

to write a script

about my new friends.

They're, like,

these modern-day witches.

They're really inspiring.

Yes, witches, girl power.

Do it.

Have you heard

about this video game

that Peter is doing?

It is so vile.

Yeah, I heard about it.

I wish I could destroy

the computers

or make my own video game

called Sluts Fight Back.

[CHUCKLES]

I love that. "Sluts Fight Back."

If I was technological,

I'd just put a virus

in the whole system

and I would shut it down.

Well...

well, it's funny

that you say that,

'cause I happen to be

technological.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

What are you doing?

-[TYPING]

-Technological stuff.

[SIGHS] We could be fired.

Not if no one finds out.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[LAUGHING]

God. [SIGHS]

-You're a genius.

-Yeah,

you know what?

I am a freaking genius.

-That was awesome.

-[SIGHS]

It was so awesome.

What are you doing now?

You wanna-- you wanna

-grab something to eat?

-Oh, I have plans.

This may or may

not change your mind,

but aside from being a genius

and a technological wizard,

I am also, um...

a really great rapper.

-Really?

-Yeah, I'd love to show you

some of my hip-hop stuff.

-Okay.

-You ready for this?

-Yeah.

-You sure?

-Uh, I think so.

-Mm-hmm.

Um...

You so ambitious

Your soul is sweet

And superstitious

Your eyes your lip

Your heart

They're breakin' records

And the dishes

Mm-mm mm-mm

Mm-mm-mm

Chicka-chicka

Mm-mm mm-mm

This goes on for, like,

four minutes.

[CHUCKLES] Wow.

-Don't give up your day job.

-[LAUGHING] Come on!

-No, it was great. I loved it.

-I just wanted to do it.

-That was brave.

-I had an instinct.

Yeah, anyway, you got

the technology smarts.

-Thanks, yo.

-Word to your mother.

Word to your mother.

Tell your mother I said word.

-[CHUCKLES] See you Monday.

-Bye.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

HONEY:
Thanks for giving me

this dress.

CANDY:
Ditto.

Oh, God. Okay, okay,

I don't know.

Maybe we shouldn't go.

-How do I look?

-CANDY:
You look hot!

You look so hot

I want to have sex with you.

EVA:
Okay, no, I just-- Oh!

Would you guys stop it?

-Stop it!

-I really wanna

-have sex with you.

-Oh, my God,

you guys are weird.

Okay, come on.

I can't do this alone. Come on.

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

-WOMAN:
Great show.

-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

HONEY:
Does Darren have

a daughter?

No, that's his new girlfriend.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Oh.

Oh!

Holy sh*t!

-HONEY:
Is that you?

-EVA:
Holy sh*t!

Is that me?

Oh, my God.

Not entirely accurate, okay?

It's not 1984 down there.

Oh, I prefer a full bush.

-Really?

-Mm-hmm.

-Hey. Hi.

-Hi!

Oh.

-I'm so glad you made it.

-Congratulations.

Thanks. Thanks.

Everybody's here.

-Times is here.

-Oh.

L.A. Weekly. Yeah.

-Wow, well.

-Yeah.

Your new art is really amazing,

-and interesting.

-I know. I know.

EVA:
There's--

there's a lot happening...

-It's powerful stuff.

-...with all of it.

I didn't get your smile

exactly right, But,

-eh, it's still great.

-[CHUCKLES]

Hey. Let's have dinner

on Saturday, huh?

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Okay.

-Great.

-Great.

-Cool. Text you.

-Okay.

-Okay.

Yeah, I got to go

talk to some people.

Oh, okay, sure. You're busy.

Why is he wearing

that weird hat?

I don't know.

[JAZZ PLAYING]

Somebody f***ed

with our system!

I can't get this image

off the screen!

I thought we were

on a closed network!

Someone hacked

into the program!

Someone with a password!

Uh, Peter, not to point fingers

or anything...

Yeah, okay, look,

I'm way ahead of you.

You're not a f***ing detective,

all right?

-Did you do this?

-I can't even figure out

how to download

the software updates

-on my computer.

-That's true.

She can't f***ing download

the software updates

on her computer.

-What's your name? Darrell?

-Demarcus.

-Demarcus, you're fired, dude.

-Come on, man!

You're fired, and I'm gonna get

a new nerd

to make this system

that you can't f*** with it.

Hey, you're the guy

who has "password"

as his password, man.

Well, why don't you f***ing

broadcast it on Twitter, man?

You're not supposed

to tell people my password.

-I have to change it.

-I can do the password.

You don't need to do it.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes