Half Magic Page #7

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I'll do it.

I'm gonna change it. Sh*t!

Oh, come on, man.

That sucks.

See you guys later.

Babe?

You-- you haven't returned

any of my calls.

I've been thinking

about what you said.

Can you please let me in?

-I really need to talk to you.

-What do you want?

Can you--

can you please let me in?

Tell me what you want.

Please?

[SIGHS]

Look, I-- I don't know. I--

This is really hard for me

to say.

What?

I really liked

how you bossed me around.

You know,

I didn't think I would, but...

it...

kind of turned me on.

Are you serious?

Yeah, is that really weird?

Yeah, kinda.

Can you...

boss me around some more?

Really?

Yeah.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Give me ten minutes.

I want you to do my laundry!

Wow.

Now!

And clean my apartment!

And then I want you to lick it!

-All right.

-Crawl!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

MARK:
Eva.

-Hey!

-Hi.

-How are you?

-I'm good.

Welcome to my restaurant.

This place is incredible.

-Thank you. It's true.

-[CHUCKLES]

Um...

Rebecca got sick

and couldn't find a sitter,

so...

I'd like to introduce you

to my daughters.

Mary, Melinda...

-this is Eva.

-Hi.

-I like your outfit.

-Thank you. I make dresses.

I like princess dresses.

I could make you

a princess dress.

-Would you like that?

-Yes!

Can I have a dress?

-Absolutely, sweetie.

-Yes.

What if you guys come back

to my house after dinner?

I have lots of dresses.

We could play dress-up.

'Cause I kind of want to hang

out with these princesses.

They're pretty cool.

Mm!

I'm having...

a food orgasm right now.

-Oh, yeah? Good.

-Oh, yeah. I am.

-[MARK CHUCKLES]

-What's an orgasm?

-Oh, oops. I'm sorry.

-Um, uh, it's, uh...

It's happiness.

-Hey. Right?

-Yeah!

-Yeah.

-How about some music?

-Mm-hmm.

-You guys look beautiful!

Let's do a fashion show.

Oh, now that sounds like fun,

right, girls?

-Yeah.

-We're gonna have

a little catwalk.

What do you say?

-Yes!

-[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MARK CHUCKLING]

Ready? Here we go.

Combination must be

All right

[MARK LAUGHING]

[GIRLS GIGGLING]

I feel it

EVA:
Go, big sister.

I feel it

Yay! Little miss.

Go do your thing!

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, my goodness.

-MELINDA:
Daddy, you got to go!

-Yes, Daddy!

Oh, I don't think I need

to do that, no.

Oh, I think you need to.

What is that? It looks like

a violent shoulder move.

[ALL LAUGHING]

MARY:
Yay!

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

Let's go. Let's do it again.

Meow. Freestyle.

I'm a kitty cat.

Oh! Meow! Meow!

I'm a kitty. Work, work, work!

- I feel it

- Oh, I feel it

- Oh, I feel it

- I feel it

Oh, I feel love

Call me...

[SIGHS]

[CHEERING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Hello?

-Hi. It's me.

Hi.

Hey, what are you doing?

I'm just, uh, having

a few people over, yeah?

Uh, you want to come by?

Feel the music!

Yeah.

-FREEDOM:
Yeah, all right.

-Okay, see you soon.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SNIFFING]

[SIGHS]

FREEDOM:
Hey! [CHUCKLES]

-MAN:
One for everybody!

-FREEDOM:
Oh!

You in for the next round?

Yeah?

You-- I know you want one.

[SIGHS]

-HONEY:
Mm.

-FREEDOM:
Mm-hmm.

Oh, it's so good to see you.

I'm so glad you called.

[CHUCKLES]

-You want a bump?

-Oh, I'm sorry.

I don't do drugs.

I'm a lightweight. [CHUCKLES]

[SNIFFING]

-Do you want to dance, yeah?

-HONEY:
Sure.

Yeah. [CHUCKLES]

Hey. I took too much

of this tonight. You want some?

-Yeah, thank you. Yeah.

-Yeah. Hey!

Mm. Try that?

-No, thanks. [CHUCKLES]

-No?

Ugh! [CHUCKLES]

You know, I've been thinking

about you a lot.

-You have?

-Yeah.

Why haven't you called?

Well, look in my eyes.

Tell me what I'm thinking.

[CHUCKLES] Um, I don't know.

No, no! [CHUCKLES]

Talk to me.

How do you feel?

-I like you.

-You do?

Yeah.

I love you.

[GASPS]

I love you, yeah?

Don't you know that?

Can't you tell?

Sometimes I can't talk

unless I'm wasted.

Yeah, I get scared.

I'm gonna talk to you now,

yeah?

I love you.

Oh, I love you. [CHUCKLES]

Do you see it in my eyes?

Yeah, can you feel it?

I love you.

-[CHUCKLES] I love you.

-I love you. Mm. Mm.

I love you!

-I love you!

-I love--

[HONEY MOANING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, whoa.

My heart's beating really fast.

-Have you got a Valium?

-No.

[PANTING] Xanax?

-NyQuil?

-No.

[PANTING]

No, it's all right. I'll just

talk to my heart, yeah?

I'll make it come down, yeah.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Do you want me

to turn the music off?

No, no, no, it's fine.

No, I can...

I can do it. Yeah,

I can make it.

Make it calm down.

-Do you want to have sex?

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, babe, babe.

Sorry. That hurts, yeah?

Oh. [PANTING]

I've never felt

that way before...

-[PANTING]

-the way you made me feel.

Sex is beautiful.

I didn't have to feel bad

about it.

Okay.

I felt really good

about myself.

No, that's great, babe, but...

I don't think

I can have sex right now.

Oh, God, I hope

I don't have to go

to the emergency room again.

Oh, my God!

CANDY:
And then I made him

lick it!

And he did the whole alphabet

for 45 minutes.

I looked at the clock.

-What?

-Oh, my God!

CANDY:
I know!

And then I made him

do my laundry.

Now I have the power.

Did you ask him

if he's seeing the other girls?

Oh, God! No, I forgot! Ugh!

Well, maybe your power

isn't very powerful,

because you got him off,

and you didn't get

what you wanted.

CANDY:
My power's very powerful.

Why don't you ask

for what you want?

[SIGHS] I try to talk to him,

but it's, like...

Ah! Nothing comes out.

What is wrong with me?

I mean, I can talk to you guys,

but I cannot talk to him.

It's like when I'm around him,

I just...

He makes me so nervous

that I'm not myself.

I'm like a unicorn.

Everyone knows

you can't see a unicorn

unless you believe in them.

[SOBBING]

It's like he can't see how...

magic I really am.

Oh!

Everyone can see it.

It's super obvious.

Yeah.

What if I ask him

for what I want...

and he leaves me?

You should try.

Sometimes I don't even know

what I want.

I think you're being too hard

on yourself.

Okay,

what candle did you bring?

The white candle.

For healing.

We all say...

"I wish

to remove anything negative

from my life."

ALL:
I wish

to remove anything negative

from my life.

And so mote it be.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, and I wish for a unicorn.

[CHUCKLES]

Are you dating other women?

Why are you talking

in that weird voice?

I'm trying to sound powerful.

I thought that's what

turned you on last time.

Yeah, it turned me on

that you asked

for what you wanted.

I just never knew

what you were thinking before

because you just always agreed

with everything I said.

Well, I don't agree

with a lot of things you say!

Maybe listen to me for once!

Okay.

Stop dating other women!

Are you dating other women?

Well, there are two other women

that I sometimes see.

Pick me and only me.

I'll think about it.

And then she uncovers

her true erotic nature

and defeats the killer

inside herself,

which is really

her own self-limiting beliefs.

Wow, that sounds like

a real blockbuster.

Well, actually, I-- I do think

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