Halloweed Page #4

I see what you're

saying Mr. Patch.

Uh, f*** it, yeah, I'll

sell your drugs for you.

Heh, can I get a

sample or something?

I'm jonesin',

it's been a while.

-Hang on.

-Alright.

F***, I'm not gonna sell weed.

I'll tell him I'm selling

weed to smoke it.

How can that

plan backfire?

Oh sh*t, he's

packing heat.

I really do not think

we're going to find

another one like this.

This is the best one.

I agree.

You know, um, why don't

you carve it with me?

I wouldn't feel right

just taking it.

Oh, honestly I would love

nothing more, trust me,

but you mentioned earlier

that you had a boyfriend

and that's not really my...

Oh, no no no no no.

I said that I, I did the

commercial as a favor to

my boyfriend at the time,

but we broke up,

like, a long time ago.

Oh, that's great.

Uh, that's horrible.

Um, here.

-It's my card.

-Oh.

Suicide counselor.

That's, uh, interesting.

Yeah, uh, do you want

to call me tomorrow?

I will definitely

call you tomorrow.

Alright.

Definitely.

[Singing lightly]

F***, man, did you

spend all our money?

Nah, man! I'm selling it!

You got a job?

I'm a go-getter.

Who's the dame?

That's the girl from the

infomercial, Madison.

Oh, the one you

were talking about.

Dude, she's as white

trash as it gets.

Should have no problem

sealing that deal buddy.

-Mm.

-Come on.

Hey, look!

My first customer.

Hey, you want to buy

some weed, kid?

Dude, I'm like fifteen.

He's just kidding, he's off his

Ritalin. Don't listen to him.

I smoked it when

I was thirteen, bro.

-Don't be a p*ssy.

-Subtle! Subtle!

No, what do you mean?

Everyone smokes weed!

Oh, God...

I'll find that kid again.

He looked real familiar.

[eagle screech]

[rock music]

d

[video game music]

What the?

I got the lights,

I got the lights!

-Yeah, cold 487.

-Well, copy that.

[police siren]

[music]

d

It looks like we just got

another a**hole tourist.

You, uh, you want to

handle this one yourself?

Oh yeah, I got it.

Bet your ass.

Go get him killer.

Do you know how fast

you were going?

Even though I'm sure you've

never driven a car

like this before, I assure you

it does have a speedometer.

Huh?

Yes, I know how fast

I was going.

You could've hurt someone.

I could've done

a lot of things.

Get out the car, dipshit.

Mhmm.

Hands on the hood.

Really?

You hiding anything?

When you have as much money as I

do and you look the way I do,

you don't need to hide

anything sweetheart.

Ohoho!

[Voice on Video]

No!

As if you don't think I

will search everywhere.

Go anywhere you like.

Thank you.

Now spread 'em.

Oh, geez.

Uh huh.

What you hiding in there?

Mhm.

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh my god.

Oh, you got it all tight.

I'm gonna get in there.

Uh, you know who

this is, right?

Yeah, some snobby scumbag

who's got drug paraphernalia

He ain't got nothing

in his ass, Thompson!

[plucking sound]

Ah!

Oh, damn.

Well, looks like

you caught me.

-Mhmm.

-Take me in, officers.

Oh, my pleasure.

Knock it off, Thompson.

Do you recognize

this name?

Connor Price. So what?

That's the mayor's son.

Well, you know mine, and I

don't have the pleasure

I'm sure my father would love

to know who's harassing me.

Let me guess:

The Jeffersons!

-That is right.

-That's us!

We got Johnson and Thompson.

Now that I got that, I own you.

How about you get that

door for me, alright?

Thank you so much.

Now get your hands off

the car. Thank you.

It's a pretty color!

Let me help you with

your seatbelt, Connor.

Don't touch the car. Yeah.

You guys have a

great afternoon.

Okay.

Good education...

solid job history...

and this Mr. Lloyd Paxton

can vouch for you?

That's what I pay him for.

[laughing]

Well played.

Well played.

That's what I pay

him for, that's good.

Well...

Well I see know reason why

you can't join the team today.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Well that's great. Thank you.

I won't be hiring you, though.

Now see, I'm running for

mayor of Mooseheart, kid.

And this is not the time for

me to bring outsiders in.

I mean as far as I know

you could be one of

Mayor Price's spies.

-No, no, I'm no spy.

-Yeah?

Please, Mr. Pilm--

Your highness, your honor...

-Um, Judge Pilmington.

-Good.

This is the best place

hiring in town right now.

And the economy around here

really isn't that great.

I know, I know.

That's why I'm running

for office, kid.

Come on! Pay

attention, Troy!

Pay attention!

Nobody's going to hire you

if you don't pay attention.

Alright, go see Rosa in

unemployment. Now. Go.

Thank you for your time.

Mm.

Here, pass some of these

out to your friends.

-Oh, um...

-Here.

Give some to Rosa,

too, alright?

Sure.

Go. Go, go.

Yeah.

He said all that?

That's just crazy.

He has no real chance

to be a mayor.

Vote for me and

get free bail?

You've gotta be kidding me.

He's been a terrible judge.

Pissed off a lot of people

around here, handing out

bogus sentences

for no reason.

He's a shady and corrupt man.

Shady and corrupt.

That would never work

for a politician.

[laughing]

So, where is everybody?

I would think this place

would be packed.

Oh, it would be if we

could help them.

I mean even you, sweetie.

I don't think there's much

here for a sociology major.

At least not for the

money you're looking for.

All I have left

are HR Jobs.

Entry level.

Some farm work.

School admin, grief

and suicide counselor.

Suicide counselor?

Yeah, but it's part time,

and the pay is--

And the suicide rates

around here...

Oh, sky high.

It just adds to our

Mooseheart charm.

Haunted city and all.

High suicide rates.

Very charming.

[laughs]

[door opens]

Here, here we go.

Okay.

Wow. Listen, I want you

to listen to something.

What is that?

What is that noise?

Well, there is no noise.

My goodness, are

we at a library?

Are we in a museum?

I don't know.

No, we are at the Mooseheart

Unemployment Office.

But there is nobody here

because I am the mayor

that leads with

100% efficiency.

Oh, damnit.

Well...

mayor will make a mistake

and so we have one person.

That's not bad, right?

Just one?

That's right. No unemployed

here in Mooseheart.

Come over here, son.

Come here, please.

[thuds]

Okay, son. So you just had your

meeting and I'm wondering,

are you leaving

here with a job?

Uh, actually I got a

number to call for an

interview at the suicide

counseling center so--

I happen to know the man who

runs the counseling center.

I will call on your behalf

and I can guarantee

you got the job.

Thank you so

much, Mr. Mayor.

Thank you.

So there you have it.

I am the active mayor

that Mooseheart needs.

So vote Price because as we

all know, the price is right.

You turn that f***ing

camera off my face again

and I will rip

you a new a**hole.

You're on that f***ing

short bus, aren't you?

You're an idiot and

you're no better either.

Don't be looking at

him like he's stupid.

Well, not like I was

forced into doing the

mayor a favor because he

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