Hamlet 2 Page #3

paralyzed with awe?

I have to go back to work.

Elisabeth Shue.

I feel so connected to you. Yes, I do.

And I thank you for

giving me back my smile.

You're welcome.

Shoo! Shoo, Shue!

Oh, God!

Doctor! Oh, my God!

Okay, gang.

This is the amount

we need to save drama.

6K, a.k.a. $6,000. How do we get it?

Piff? Bake sale.

Not enough dough, pun intended.

Yo. We could knock over a 7-Eleven.

Nice thought,

but 7-Elevens are not as

vulnerable as they used to be.

Don't ask me how I know that.

I saw it on the Discovery Channel.

I've got a little something-something.

Let's hear it.

Toasters. Man, you know,

we just move that skeet.

You know, 10 grands.

Hell, we could do that.

Hey, dumbass!

"Toaster" is street for "gun."

"Toaster" is street for "gun"?

What a colorful expression!

There he goes! The little kangaroo rat!

Hey, Noah Sapperstein.

Oh, hi!

Happy? Huh?

Happy you finally

succeeded in taking me down?

No. I think it's

terrible what's happened

to arts education in this country.

I don't know what to do.

Everything is out of control.

You want to save drama, but you've

produced nothing worth saving.

You know, it's like...

It's like my father got reincarnated

into the body of a freaking

little drama critic.

Look, all I'm saying is,

you need to inspire everyone

to come to your rescue.

You know, I was thinking of working

on a musical version of The Lake House,

you know the wonderful Sandra

Bullock, Keanu Reeves...

Play with space and time.

No? No.

There is one other thing.

It's a piece I've been working on.

I have the first act and reams

of notes in my inspiration box.

It's called Hamlet 2.

A sequel to Hamlet by Shakespeare?

Yes. Yes. Do you think it's a bad idea?

Not necessarily, no.

Sometimes an idea could be so

bad, it starts to turn good again.

But... And so, what about

funding for drama next trimester?

Forget about the money right now.

Put on a play, and make it

the best you've ever done.

Use that as a way of drawing

attention to the funding issue.

What if it sucks?

Isn't that a question every

artist must ask himself?

Yes! I am an artist, aren't I?

Thank you. You've given me the

kick in the pants I needed, kid.

Okay, well, I need to go to recess now.

You're very busy. I understand.

Oh, my God! Writing is so hard.

What is your f***ing problem, man?

Huh?

Dana? Dana? Hey, I need some money.

Hey, it's done.

What is? My original work

that's gonna save drama.

The thing I've been working on

for the last 47 billion hours.

Oh, is that what you were doing?

I thought you were just

having a nervous meltdown.

You're not far off, ladypants.

Any creative person will tell you,

you gotta go a little crazy

to make great f***ing art.

Hamlet 2?

The deuce. Correct.

Doesn't everybody die at

the end of the first one?

I have a device.

"The time machine door opens..."

That's the device.

"...revealing Hamlet,

Gertrude, Polonius,

"and Hillary Clinton having

what appears to be group sex."

It's about my troubled

relationship with my father.

But, you're doing this at

school with the kids, right?

That's the plan, Stan.

What do you think?

I think that your

enthusiasm is remarkable.

I will take that! I will take it!

Hey, Dana.

Hello, Gary.

Hey! Guess what I've got!

Your head out of your ass?

No!

Right. Watch out! This stuff is sharp.

As in cutting edge. All righty!

Are you okay?

Yes!

You're telling me that this

guy traveled through time

from Denmark 400 years ago?

And you call me a drunk?

It's true, Papa. I done saw it.

Come here, boy.

Take it easy on him,

Ray. He's sensitive.

Come closer.

Lay a hand on him, and I

will make you regret it.

You trying to take me

on, you time-travel freak?

Getting drunk and beating

up on a little boy?

That doesn't make you a

man, you piece of sh*t!

I got the mind to put

you through that wall.

Then f***ing do it, b*tch!

Oh, yeah? Do it, motherf***er, come on.

What? Bring it!

Excuse me! Excuse me,

but they're off-book,

and he's definitely not

using Shakespearean language,

and the violence is getting

a little too real for me,

thank you very much.

Okay, let's stop there.

Heywood, that was very powerful.

Yeah, that was.

It was gangster.

Wow. Where were you when I was seven?

Class, thoughts?

I thought Octavio was amazing.

I felt this electric charge!

He's so much more powerful

than any other actor I've...

It's stupid to compare.

I'm just so surprised that

one of you people can act.

"One of you people"?

What does that mean?

Man, that's some

racist sh*t right there.

I heard that, man.

If you don't like this class, get out.

Or what, b*tch?

Don't you call me a

b*tch! Hey, simmer down.

I'm so sick and tired of you, Epiphany.

You're hurting me!

Don't do that to my friend!

That's it, that's it.

Let me give you a piece of my mind.

No, I'm really different.

You've got to do something, Dana.

Time out! Time out!

You've got to do something, Dana.

You want nachos or pizza?

Nacho!

I have access to the activities van.

We can go to the Fun Zone in the mall.

I'll get everyone a snack.

You want nachos or pizza?

I could go for some nachos.

Figures.

I'm not doing carbs, but maybe

they have a salad or something.

Anything is better than this.

All right, we're back on track!

And we cannot be stopped!

Yeah.

I just don't even care.

Hey, Mr. Marschz.

Hey, are you mad at me?

No, no.

I don't know.

You've barely spoken to me all day.

Is it because of my resistance

to these gang-bangers?

Hey, hey, just because they're Latinos

doesn't make them gang-bangers. Got it?

Yeah, I'm sorry. I

just love class so much.

I just don't want anything to change.

Rand, you're teacher's pet.

What more do you want?

Come on, let's go hang with the gang.

You mean Latinos.

Hey, you little thing. Come on.

Hey, guys, I'm Groucho Marx.

I say funny stuff.

Mr. Marschz, these guys are drunk.

Come on, guys. I said no drinking.

Why don't you have one with us, ese?

Maybe you'd stop being

such a pinche joto.

The truth is, Heywood, I haven't

had a drink in seven years.

I got the chip on my

keychain to prove it,

from an organization called AA.

Really?

Yeah. It's a slippery slope.

Beer, liquor, dope, coke, meth,

chicks with d*cks, then jail.

Hey, what would happen

if you have a drink?

My entire life would fall apart.

Okay. Who wants to go? Me.

I would love to go home.

No, no, no, no, no. You can't leave now.

We just coming together

as a class, right?

No.

Heywood, it's late and

my wife is ovulating.

Hey, we got you another mango iced tea.

Mango iced tea is my kryptonite.

It's totally.

Powerless to resist.

Okay, a few more minutes won't hurt.

Yeah, I'd drink to that.

He's about to go through

the center of the Sun.

Sir, I'm gonna need you to wake up

and show me some form of identification.

Time begins and stops now.

We have a 410 with a 6l4 in

the 1100 block of Ocotillo.

What do those numbers mean?

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