Hamlet 2 Page #5

The climax of a modernist dance.

I think when all is said and done,

you will find it quite moving.

Trust me, I won't.

We're 10 days away.

Things are in motion.

Art is happening.

Well, stop it.

You can't stop art.

You're shut down, Marx!

No, you are. You are.

You never believed in

me, Daddy! I hate you!

We're putting this play on, and if

you don't like it, then tough titties,

you ass-turd

monkey-f***er!

Oh, my God!

Let me see.

Oh, Shue.

How do you keep your head held

high when people keep throwing

steaming piles of crap in your face?

I know, I know.

That's why I got out of the business.

Well, f*** you, too.

I have to elevate it.

It's not broken and,

yes, I will still be able

to play any and all musical instruments.

I have to tell you something.

I'm pregnant.

Really?

Are you shitting me?

No, no.

Christ in a basket,

Dana. That's too tight.

And it will always be too tight.

I will never not hug this unborn baby!

It's like he's giving me hope.

Who?

God.

At this point, it felt to Dana

as if the air was

perfumed with possibility.

But just as Icarus flew

high on wings of wax,

oblivious to his impending doom,

so was poor, dear Dana Marschz.

Well, I'm lost.

Is blue the right color

for a controversial piece of

socio-political agit-prop theater?

I think blue makes people sad.

Yes, it does.

There's also orange.

Orange.

The color of fire.

Of ripe tangerines, of

the poet's harvest moon!

Glenn, we've done it!

Stop staring at me.

Okay, all right. Okay.

It's ridiculous. But I love it.

Okay, guys, I am pretty effing excited

to announce that the musical

accompaniment to our play

will be provided by the

Gay Men's Chorus of Tucson!

Just a steel-town girl

on a Saturday night

Looking for the fight of her life

In the real-time world

no one sees her at all

They all say she's crazy

Locking rhythms to the beat of her heart

Changing movement into light

She has danced into the danger zone

When the dancer becomes the dance

It can cut you like a knife

Hey, guys, thanks a lot for

donating your wire-work services.

It really helped out a lot.

When did you guys get started?

We seen them Kill Bill

movies, like, 20 times,

and we said, "Sh*t, we got some wire,

"we got some harnesses."

So we get to work in the backyard,

and next thing you know,

we're in show business.

So this is your first attempt?

Yes, sir.

Now hold on, girl.

Three, two, one.

That's cool.

Okay. So this is the Danish

castlelporno theaterltime machine.

It's fantastic.

I don't know what it means, but I

think it's the best set I've ever seen.

Yeah? Yeah.

Who said shop class was useless?

I don't know.

Wait, somebody said that?

It's a figure of speech.

Hey, M. Hey.

Hey, my buddy's meth lab burned down.

I'm sorry to hear that.

No, it's going to be some pretty

cherry footage for the play.

Well, excellent. Hey, girls.

Hey, Mr. Marschz. What?

I was thinking, what

if me and my whoadies

rolled up in low-riders

on stage in the third act?

That sounds kind of dangerous.

Yeah, maybe so.

Which is why I want to do it.

We are not making safe theater.

I'm in the wrong place.

Jesus Jones! Rocker's changed the locks.

That is the first shot across

the bow, boys and girls.

Just like that wonderful

film Master and Commander,

starring the terrifyingly real

Aussie badboy, Russell Crowe.

Five more seconds.

Okay, Chuy, breaking and entering

is neither cool nor terrific.

But we got sh*t to do.

Hey, you get off school

property in the next 10 seconds

or I'm gonna have the

Tucson police department

so far up your ass you're

gonna wish you were a girl.

"What about Hamlet 2

could possibly offend

"Principal Rocker to such a degree?

"Or is offense the offense at all?

"Truth is a nebulous commodity.

"As Roland Barthes tells us, 'Multiple

perspectives cannot ever coalesce."'

Does anybody know what this means?

Did you see this article in the paper?

We're already reading it, woman.

Not the school paper. The News Press.

I stole it from Starbucks.

You really think you're

street, don't you?

Don't f*** with me, homey! I'll cut you.

I liked you better when you

were an uptight racist b*tch.

Oh, my God.

"Why is the school board

afraid of this man?"

That's a picture of me.

I was an extra in an

Al Jazeera TV movie.

I regret it now, but

what a fun bunch of guys.

Dana Marsha?

Marschz. Yes?

Consider yourself served.

Thank you.

What a nice man. A smile costs nothing.

Oh, sh*t, this is a cease and

desist order from the school board.

What does that mean?

That means you can be arrested

for putting on this play.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey,

mister, un-serve me!

All right, mystery man.

Why have you brought us here?

Yeah.

Yeah, why?

This is Joy Junction.

You know, that positive ionic flow.

Jean-Paul, the crew, Burning

Man, the lunar cycle, yeah.

So?

Yeah, yo.

Yeah, yo.

Okay, you started to say something

and didn't finish your sentence.

You didn't? No, no, you.

No, I know you.

No, N-O, "no."

No, no, more yes. You know, less no.

Okay, I'm a little cuckoo-bananas here.

Look, they throw parties here.

The promoters are at Burning Man.

We can use the space.

Oh!

He does lighting and stuff

like that. See Vitamin J,

he acts like a huge dumbass,

but he really knows what he's doing.

Let there be light.

Ah! My eyes!

Mr. Marashka?

Who? It's Marschz. Yes.

Cricket Feldstein, American

Civil Liberties Union.

We spoke on the phone.

The ACLU.

Oh, I thought you were a

talent agent, like UTA or CAA.

But totally not disappointed.

If you're wondering about the

Feldstein, I married a Jew.

It's my understanding

that there are forces

trying to stop you from

performing Hamlet 2.

You received a cease and desist order

in regards to this performance?

Yes.

I think we have a First Amendment

case on our hands, Mr. Marashka.

It's Marschz. You really think so?

Abso-f***ing-lutely.

No one is shutting down this play.

The Justice Department and

the so-called Supreme Court

can suck my balls.

What do they have to

do with this? My balls?

No, the other thing.

I'm a short blond chick,

but I play to the death.

I pick cases that I can

win because I wanna win big.

Cases with controversy and headlines

and steaming piles of

sh*t flying left and right.

Mostly left. How's that sound?

Fine.

Are you on my side? Yes.

Great, let's do it! Okay then.

Do I need to sign anything?

No, don't sign anything!

I think the play's gonna be really good.

It's irrelevant.

Okay.

Goddamn gravel! The

bane of my existence!

Brights!

Oh, my God!

Shut down that piece of sh*t play.

Bruised, but not broken.

Turns out my play has

divided the community,

but I shall not be deterred.

Dana.

Hang on, I'm going to

run myself a big bath.

Dana. I have had, hands down,

the worst day ever.

Hey, there's no delicate

way of saying this except...

Except Gary and I are

together, and we're a couple,

and we're moving out now.

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