Hamlet 2 Page #6

Yeah, I'm gonna run myself a big Arthur

- style bath with bubbles.

I'm sorry.

And I'm gonna put on my top hat,

and wish all my troubles

into a cornfield.

That's what I'm gonna do.

Didn't you hear what I just said?

Yes, I did, funny bunny.

Dana.

We're packed, we're leaving.

We're moving to San Diego.

God, I almost believe you.

Believe it!

But why? You're my wife.

Your wife is leaving you.

Gary and I have been getting

closer for a while now,

and turns out we are very compatible.

As long as he keeps

his mouth shut. Anyway.

Look, you've been so busy with

your play, and these things happen.

So, don't sweat it. It's...

You'll be much happier without me.

What about the baby?

The doctor told me a while ago

that you've been shooting blanks.

I should have said something.

That must mean...

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Brie, I'm starting to think

you are not a very nice person.

Just wake up, okay?

Left you a protein shake in the fridge.

Gary, let's go.

It's strawberry.

Electric and phone

bills are right there,

and the rent's due on Thursday.

Good luck with the play.

You really will be

better off without me.

Come on.

She's a maniac

Maniac on the floor

And she's dancing like

she's never danced before

Oh, boy.

F***!

Hey, what's cheap and strong?

Grain alcohol.

I feel like I'm in a cage.

And I feel like Nicolas

Cage in Leaving Las Vegas.

Starring my good friend, Elisabeth Shue.

$8.40.

I'm sorry. Sorry about that.

Can I use your bathroom?

No.

Hey, we got the TVs.

There's a hundred sets in there, woman!

Where did you get them all?

Stole them from white folks, dawg.

I have to say something, guys.

I really think Mr. Marschz is bipolar.

Just like my cousin.

But she takes pills.

He's not bipolar. He's a freak.

Do you think he realizes that

every time he wears a dress

he's flashing his balls at us?

You know, where is he anyway?

He was supposed to

be here two hours ago.

Maybe he's out shopping for a dress.

He should buy some underwear.

Who do you think you are

talking like that, white girl?

I heard everything. I heard everything!

I haven't bought an item

of clothing in over 10 years

because I don't get paid for this job.

Did you know that?

I work for gas money,

which is why I skate.

That and the DUI.

My life is a parody of a tragedy!

My wife left me. Baby wasn't mine.

People are trying to run me over.

What are we supposed to do?

It doesn't matter.

We're not gonna get this play on.

We might as well give up now!

What?

He works for gas money?

That is so sad.

Mr. M!

Mr. M!

What happened?

Get away from me, you devil b*tches.

Leave me to the vultures.

P*ssy!

Yolanda.

You come in here and tell

us all to be artistic,

and put on your crazy-ass play,

and when things get a little

rough, you act like a f***ing p*ssy?

Yolanda, you don't say much, but

when you do, it sure packs a wallop.

She's right!

Okay, you've had a pretty

bad day, I'll give you that.

But that doesn't mean you give up.

Why not?

Nobody cares.

Yeah, we do.

I don't want your pity.

Man, you keep talking about

making us extraordinary.

That's from Dead Poets.

Well, you're teaching us

something really important.

I am? What is it?

It doesn't matter how

much talent we lack,

as long as we have enthusiasm.

That's truth. Because I lack talent.

The football team, the wrestling team

and all the seniors are

gonna be like security

and kick the asses of anyone

who tries to stop this play.

Yeah. And I got some friends

to watch the parking lot

just in case we have any

trouble, you know what I'm saying?

And we're also sold out.

What?

Mr. M, you're not getting it.

Like, all the tickets were bought.

Channel 5 is coming.

And I got a call from one

of Elton John's people,

something about permission.

And there was a message from

this guy at the New York Times.

Mr. M,

we don't wanna give up.

I just get scared.

Every time I try to go for something,

my heart gets stomped

on like a baby kitten.

That's no reason to give up.

Maybe it is. No, it's not.

Help him up.

Let's go to work.

Okay, hey, guys, my skate is stuck.

I'm such a dick.

Wait, what are you doing? Let go of me.

I'm not interested in this

monkey-spunk play. Come on!

Ticket holders only.

This event is sold out.

If you don't have a ticket,

get the f*** out of my face.

I am revoking permission

for my son to appear tonight.

I am, too.

And so am I.

But why now?

I heard the play was disgusting.

How can you say that

if you haven't seen it?

What about this Sexy Jesus song?

I mean, that's just disrespectful.

Look, it's about if Jesus

came to Earth in modern times,

he would have to market

himself like a celebrity.

It's very thoughtful.

That's an oversimplification, but...

I don't care to see my son

used as a political pawn!

I'm doing this play for my own reasons.

You know, according to the

Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals,

if you sign a consent form,

that means you're giving consent.

And you can't take that form back,

you can't take your signature off it.

You signed it, you signed consent.

So end of deal, okay. End of story.

Sorry, you guys, but

you totally gave consent.

You don't control our kids!

Wake up call! You

don't control your kids!

Now get out of my performance space,

before I have security,

a.k.a. the 2nd Avenue Angels,

remove your sorry asses.

How did you get the balls to do that?

I'm still a little drunk.

What if I have to go to the bathroom?

Okay, I'll just piss on

your pretty little gym shoes.

Welcome to West Mesa High

Drama's final performance.

If you are moved by tonight's work,

please go forward and

support arts education...

Eat sh*t and die, you tramp.

Let go of me! Hey, hands off!

And please take this opportunity

to turn off all cell phones.

It's the celestial message.

The portal to infinity is wide open.

Yeah! F*** yeah!

Look. I studied French at Vassar.

I'm not getting any of this.

Well, can you give us an update?

Free speech is alive and well in Tucson,

so go and tell the mundo.

I think it's going terrific.

Are people still walking out?

Mr. Marschz,

this is the most important theatrical

event in the history of Tucson.

I have to be a part of it.

Rand, that is a very brave

and generous thing to...

Piff took the fries.

I've been going to a

shrink five days a week

and I started on anti-depressants

and I'm much more

comfortable with my sexuality.

I'd be happy to play

Laertes as bi-curious.

That's wonderful!

And I forgive you.

Okay. Stop it. Go get changed.

Okay.

Sometimes I feel like

I'm drifting in space

I think my heart-soul

is falling from grace

Therapy's taken me to a better place

So why do I feel, why do I feel

Why do I feel like I've

been raped in the face?

Raped in the face?

Maybe it's buried emotions

Or maybe the wrong medication

I simply go through the motions

They say I need a vacation

I really do feel like a sexual victim

With dark memories of a rigid dictum

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