Hangover Part 2, The Page #4

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They'll release him to you, no questions

asked. No one here has to know.

He's at the, uh...

"Ratchawang Police Station."

Okay. Okay,

I'll call you when we get there.

- Teddy's in jail, but fine. We gotta get a cab.

- Okay. All right.

OFFICER:
Yes, I have his paperwork here.

PHIL:
Okay.

OFFICER:
He has been cleared.

PHIL:
Sounds good.

OFFICER:
Of course.

PHIL:
Thank you.

We're good, we're good.

They're processing for release.

Yeah, they threw him in the drunk tank.

He's fine.

Sixteen years old, spent a night in jail.

Can you imagine?

We love to party.

Here we go.

- Wait, who's this f***ing guy?

- Teddy Srisai.

What...? No, no, no. I'm so...

It's the wrong guy. Sir.

Excuse me. I'm sorry.

Uh, there's been a mistake.

He brought the wrong guy.

That's not Teddy.

Of course it is.

We have his IDs and everything.

These were in his pockets

when we made the arrest.

They were in his pocket?

Excuse me, sir.

How did you get this stuff?

Hello?

OFFICER:

Teddy doesn't speak.

We tried English, Thai, Chinese.

Nothing.

Let me ask you something.

Does he look like he works out at

Bally Total Fitness in Palo Alto, California?

Look, we arrest a lot of people.

We cannot analyze everything. All right?

Well, what do you expect us to do

with this guy?

Not my problem.

Hey, guys?

I think he knows us.

Hi. Hello.

Do you know where our friend is?!

Teddy! He's missing!

Stu, forget it. The guy's worthless.

He knows something.

He's wearing Teddy's sweatshirt.

What if he just doesn't understand?

Uh, I'll act it out.

Yeah, like charades. Watch.

- Two words.

- Is it a movie?

This is not for you, Alan.

American teenager in Asia.

Karate Kid with Jaden Smith.

It's easy because

you were talking through it.

Stu, it's a waste of time.

Just leave this f***ing guy here.

Oh, here's something. "There are

500,000 monks living in Thailand.

It is not uncommon for some monks

to take a vow of silence...

at the age of 8."

- There you go.

- Is there anything else in that envelope?

- No, it's empty.

Whoa, hang on.

A drink card from White Lion Bar,

Bangkok?

Worth a shot.

PHIL:

Jesus Christ. ls this the right street?

STU:

That's what it says.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

This is the White Lion.

What the f*** happened here?

Holy sh*t.

PHIL:
Oh, okay. Just keep walking. Yeah.

STU:
Okay. Yeah, we should probably...

STU:
Ah!

- All right. it's okay.

STU:

What the f*** is going on here?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Guys, check it out.

Holy sh*t. Stu, look.

That's my face.

Go, go, go.

Nice work, Alan.

PHIL:
Hello?

- Be with you in a minute.

Excuse me.

Oh, look who it is.

So, what do you think?

What? I'm sorry?

The tattoo? You love it?

Uh, no. Actually, I hate it.

No refunds. Get the f*** out.

- Wait a second.

- Read the sign.

We don't want a refund.

We just have a couple of questions.

Trying to figure out

what went down last night.

"What went down"?

Look what you did outside.

Half the neighborhood went down.

We did that?

You don't remember getting into a bar fight

at the White Lion?

Starting a full-on f***ing riot?

No, sir. We don't remember anything.

Hold this. Oh, boy.

Check this out.

[PEOPLE SHOUTING AND

SIRENS WAILING ON PHONE]

Holy sh*t.

F*** the police!

F*** the police!

There's Teddy. He was with us.

PHIL:

Jesus Christ.

That's when the cops arrived,

started cracking skulls.

I took you guys

and hid you in the shop here.

Then you decided to get a tattoo.

Cried like a little b*tch.

This kid's f***ing 9 years old.

He's got balls twice your size.

- Show him your balls, man.

PHIL:
No, no, no. That's okay.

Listen, we're looking for our friend Teddy.

Have you seen him?

Not since last night. What happened?

Yeah, I'm supposed to marry his sister

tomorrow and we kind of lost him.

Oh, well. Then f*** it.

What do you mean, "f*** it"?

Bangkok has him now

and she'll never let him go.

You hear that? Huh?

- Is this what you wanted? Happy now?

ALAN:
Phil.

You're wasting your time.

These monks take their vow sh*t seriously.

Look at this.

That's the sign of the Chiang Mei

monastery just outside of town.

Maybe somebody over there

can get him to talk.

Can we just go over this one more time?

You got the beer from...?

The hotel bar.

They gave me a sealed case.

- Right. But who gave it to you?

- The bartender.

Right. Okay.

And then you brought them out

and I opened them.

Yeah, and Doug had one and he was fine,

so it's not the beer.

STU:
So, what the hell happened?

PHIL:
I have no idea.

Hey, guys. Check it out,

he's got a Chinese boner.

Alan, come on. Cut it out.

ALAN:

The monkey is a pervert.

Come on, that is so wrong.

Hey, don't stop, monkey, keep doing it.

When a monkey nibbles on a penis,

it's funny in any language.

Oh, keep doing it!

All right. Thank you.

We good?

ALAN:

Bye, Shannon. Bye, Lil Wayne.

PHIL:

Wow.

So beautiful.

What is this, a P.F. Chang's?

STU:

Ah, they're meditating.

- Such a peaceful people.

PHIL:
Yeah.

Knock, knock! Hello?!

PHIL:
Alan, Alan, show some respect.

Don't get up, guys.

We brought one of your guys back.

He's really funny.

He's really nice and cool.

Hi, how you doing?

Uh, are you the one in charge?

- Hey! Aah!

- Excuse me. Ow!

- Wait! Ah!

ALAN:
stop in

PHIL:

Just calm down! Aah!

Hold on! Ah!

It's because" Ow! We're talking! Ah!

Stop talking. Goddamn it!

Don't! Stop!

Wait! it's me!

Stop hitting me!

Oh, I get it.

No talk. No talk.

Shh. Okay. We no talk.

Okay.

Late last night, you climbed the walls

of our monastery...

shouting out question about love,

marriage and the meaning of life.

Poor Brother Han was meditating alone

in the garden and you took him.

Oh, my God.

We kidnapped a monk.

Uh, we live an alternative lifestyle.

And we are so sorry about that,

but we weren't ourselves last night.

Yup, things kind of spun out

of control a little bit.

But there's a boy who's missing

and hurt.

Can you find out if he knows

where our friend is?

Brother Han took a vow of silence

many years ago.

It would be useless to try.

Well, maybe he can write down

what happened on a piece of paper.

Actually, that would be cheating.

Right, Grand Wizard?

- Alan.

- I'm afraid Fatty is right.

See? What?

None us will ever know what

Brother Han knows.

Oh, all right.

So much for holy people.

Bunch of bald a**holes. Come on, let's go.

Hey, you know what? FYI, you may wanna

put some signs up that say "no talking"...

before you unleash your dragon.

STU:
Yeah, that was a little rough.

You're welcome for bringing him back safe.

You know, we found him in a drunk tank.

STU:

We did take him in the first place.

PHIL:

Come on, guys, let's go.

Wait.

The Buddha teach:

Every memory lives somewhere

deep within.

Perhaps you should bring your question

to the garden of meditation.

- Did you understand a word he said?

- About two-thirds.

Something about the garden

of meditation?

No, he said he's farting

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