Hangover Part 2, The Page #5

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because of his medication.

I get that.

I don't remember anything.

Do you?

No. I got nothing.

Alan?

Alan?

LU:
Every memory lives somewhere

deep within.

SID:
Sweetie?

ALAN:
What?

SID:

You have visitors.

- Hey, Alan.

- Hey, guys.

- Hey, Phil.

- Hey, buddy.

- Stu would like to invite you to his wedding.

- Is this true, Stuart?

Yeah, why not? it'll be fun.

- What the f***?

PHIL:
To Lauren and Stu.

ALL:

Cheers.

PHIL:
Chow?

CHOW:
We had a sick night, b*tches!

PHIL:
Yeah!

DOUG:
Alan, what the f***?

ALAN:

Ls that person coming to the wedding?

STU:

There is no wolf pack.

PHIL:
Alan, don't do that!

ALAN:
"The population in Thailand is ..."

And we're the three best friends

That anybody could have

MAN:

Hey!

STU:

Yeah! F*** the police! F*** the police!

I know where to go.

What do you think, Alan?

Uh, this is the place.

Come on, let's go.

I don't remember any of this.

Yeah, Alan,

are you sure this is the place?

Yeah, pretty sure.

Bros, finally!

Is he coming or what?

I've been waiting all day for him.

Uh, I'm sorry. Waiting for who?

Chow, that dick-ass f***.

- Why, what's wrong?

- Nothing. Nothing's wrong.

Okay, good. Look at this.

Look what I bring for him.

Check it out, huh? Huh?

- No, no, no.

- $6000, American.

Wow, it looks so real.

Sorry. Ahem. Sorry.

Alan! What the f***?!

It's okay! it's okay.

The gun, very sensitive. Very sensitive.

- Everybody okay?

DANCER:
Yeah, okay.

Okay? Then get the f*** back to work!

Come on! Music, please!

Who has my $6000?

No, no, no. That's Chow's deal.

We got nothing to do with that.

Un-f***ing-believable, man.

This guy, if he backs out again,

this sh*t is gonna catch up to him, okay?

He's made a lot of enemies in this town

and now they're your enemies.

That's not fair!

Okay, listen.

We're just looking for a little kid.

- Two thousand dollars.

- What?!

I don't know. Maybe more.

How young you want this kid to be?

No! No, no, no. Sorry.

You misunderstood.

We're looking for our friend,

16 years old, Teddy?

Teddy?

Yeah, he was here with you guys last night.

He was?

You remember if he left with us?

You were in the corner all night

with Kimmy. I didn't see you leave.

Kimmy? Kimmy? Is she here?

Yeah, she's in the back.

She just came for her shift. Go talk to her.

Listen, I'm sorry about everything

that happened.

Pay attention what

I'm gonna talk to you now.

When you see Chow,

you tell him Samir says hello.

- Okay.

- But do it like that, okay?

Hello. Like threatening.

Like ironic.

- Hello.

- Okay.

- Hello.

- Hello.

- Hello.

- More O. Hello.

Hello.

Go away, go away.

F***ing make me crazy.

Of course I remember him.

He was buying shots for everyone.

Nice kid. His parents must be so proud.

Yeah. You have no idea.

Okay, so do you remember

if he left with us?

Yeah, you all were leaving together,

but you almost forgot this one right here.

- Right, superstar?

- Hmm.

This one was following me around

like a little puppy dog all night.

Saying how he fall in love with me

and ask me to marry him.

Classic Stu.

- We didn't get married, did we?

- Of course not.

We just had some fun

in the Chardonnay Room.

What, uh... What happens

in the Chardonnay Room?

Let's just stay on task here.

Oh, you know. Dance for him.

He tickle me. We had sex.

- I massage his shoulders.

- F***!

It's okay. You're not married yet.

It's no big deal.

It's cheating, okay?

No offense to you. You're a lovely woman.

It's a violation of my moral code.

Don't be sad. Stu, you love it.

You were crying,

saying how special it was.

Wait. Ha, ha. I'm sorry, he was crying?

What a baby. He was crying.

You should have seen him.

He was so sexy, the way he move around.

I had to ask him slow down

so I don't drop my load too quick.

Load? What load?

Oh, you know. My sperms.

Eh, I think your English is off.

You're talking about my sperms.

Where would your sperm come from?

From my balls.

Hold on. Back up.

Wait, wait. Are you...?

Hey. You in Bangkok, sweetie.

There's a reason

they don't call it Bangcunt.

STU:

Oh!

Oh, my God.

PHIL:

Wow.

I don't get it. Is this a magic show?

Come on, Stu. It was beautiful.

We climaxed at the same time.

How's that work?

Shoot my load into you,

you shoot your load on the floor.

- Okay.

In my bottom?

Oh, God.

Stu, it's not the end of the world.

I'm sorry, but I am so confused.

I made love to a man with boobies.

Listen, I promise you no one's ever

gonna find out about this.

But we just found out about it.

And then we forget. That's what we do.

I've done so much f***ed up sh*t,

and I just forget about it.

- You have?

- Yeah. You just forget. It goes away.

That might be harder to go away,

but in time it'll happen.

That's what I'm gonna do.

I'm just gonna forget about it.

- Never happened.

- Right.

Phone. Phone. Who is it? Answer.

Lauren's dad.

It just reminded me.

- Answer it.

- I can't.

He might know something about Teddy.

We still have a shot.

- Get your head back into the f***ing game.

- Hello?

FOHN:
Who takes an all-day fishing trip...

the day before a wedding?

Yeah, ha, ha.

I guess it was kind of stupid.

Put Teddy on the phone.

- Uh, Teddy's seasick, actually.

FOHN:
Seasick?

Teddy's been a maritime deck cadet

since he was 9.

Well, that's weird,

because he's puking everywhere.

I'm gonna tell you something

that you did not know.

I don't like you.

- Yeah, I knew that already.

FOHN:
My daughter chooses you...

that's her problem.

- Hey, it's Phil Winnick.

Listen, I apologize. We've been reeling in

some crazy marlin, and I just want...

ALAN:
Phil!

STU:
Phil!

PHIL:

Jesus.

STU:
Phil? You're okay.

PHIL:
F*** me.

Give us back our monkey.

What monkey? Get your own monkey!

Come on, you a**hole.

The f***ing monkey.

Come on.

Any time, Alan. He's pointing a gun at us.

This is our monkey.

Alan, no one's getting shot over

a f***ing monkey. Hand him over now.

Oh, God, I never get to keep no monkeys.

Hey, check it out.

He's got a banana on his helmet.

- These guys are the real deal.

PHIL:
What's happening?

Hold on. How did this happen?

Do you know where our friend is?

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Yeah, 16 years old, Asian kid?

No, I don't understand what he said.

What did he say? What did he say?!

He said, "F*** you and your question."

PHIL:

Oh, my arm!

Poor Phil! Phil, are you okay?

PHIL:

Oh, I got shot. F***! F***, guys.

It's all right, Phil. We'll figure this all out

and get the monkey back. I promise.

No one gives a f***

about the monkey, Alan!

Oh, sh*t, look at my arm.

What the f*** is going on?!

Stu, am I gonna be okay?

You're a doctor.

I don't know. Let me look, let me look.

What? What?

Stu, come here. No, look at it.

Stuart Price, get your ass back over here!

STU:
You got shot!

PHIL:
I know!

PHIL:
Hey.

- Yo. You all right?

Yeah, I'm okay. I'm okay.

Actually, bullet just grazed my arm.

Eight stitches.

Only cost $6. How's that even possible?

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