Hangover Part 2, The Page #8

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Come on! Come on, Alan! Come on!

PHIL:
Hey, you mind filling us in?

STU:
Okay.

- Now, when we woke up, the power was out.

- Yeah.

And you found Teddy's finger in what?

- In a bowl of water.

- But it didn't start out as water.

- It was ice.

- Exactly. Teddy got ice from the machine...

came back to the room,

put his finger on ice, fell asleep.

What do you do if you wake up

and your finger's in a bowl of melted ice?

I'd get more ice, Stu,

on the 15th f***ing floor!

Yes!

Teddy goes up, the power goes out ...

Holy sh*t. Of course.

Of course, he's in the ice machine.

STU:

Alan, no!

It's on 10!

Sir, is the elevator stuck?

- Come on.

STU:
Go. Go, go, go.

Ten! This is it! Teddy!

STU:

Teddy! Teddy!

PHIL:

Look out, look out.

- Oh, my God! Teddy!

- He's okay! He's okay!

Hey, you okay?

You okay, man?

Where am I?

You're in an elevator in the middle

of Bangkok.

But we're gonna get you out of here.

It's gonna be fine.

TEDDY:

Hey, Stu...

nice tattoo.

STU:
Thanks, man.

- All right, let's do this.

Come on. Come on, come on.

PHIL:

Doug, we found him. Yeah!

I know, I know, but we're on our way.

Okay, bye.

All right, guests are arriving,

people are starting to ask questions...

but we can still pull this off.

- How?

- I don't know. Like, a taxi?

- Chow's speedboat.

- What?

Last thing I remember was getting

off Chow's speedboat.

Chow has a speedboat?

The Perfect Life.

Come on.

Stu, get that back line.

ALAN:

Good jump, Phil!

- You all right?

ALAN:
Yeah.

You sure you know how

to drive this thing?

Please. I was raised in yacht clubs.

I know what I'm doing.

You know where we're going?

Please address me as "captain."

Oh, f*** you, Alan.

Do you know where We're going,

captain?

Affirmative, cadet. We're going south,

through the Gulf of Thailand. Ha, ha.

Good.

Hey. You okay?

- Feeling a little better.

- All right.

Listen, Teddy, I'm really sorry.

We didn't mean for any of this to happen.

It's funny. I can't remember anything...

but when I woke up...

I was kind of happy.

Yeah!

By the way, you have any idea

where my finger is?

Yeah, we gave it

to a drug-dealing monkey.

Bangkok.

Yeah, right?

F***ing Bangkok.

He's on his way, I'm telling you.

Dad's always doing this.

No, it's just ...

I apologize! There will be no wedding!

No, he is on his way. He will be here.

Please, if you will all move to the bar.

We are going to clear this area. Please.

LAUREN:

Daddy, how can you do this?

I'm telling you, I spoke to him.

He's coming.

LAUREN:

You don't understand.

Look. There they are.

Stu!

Alan, there's no dock.

ALAN:

Just hang on.

- Alan, it's not funny. Turn the boat.

- Hang on.

Is that Alan driving the boat?

DOUG:

What? Uh ...

We should probably move back a little bit.

Come on.

PHIL:
Alan, slow down!

STU:
Please!

Turn the boat! Turn the boat, Alan!

Turn the f***ing boat!

Everyone, back up a little bit here.

Sir, it's gonna get worse

before it gets better. Come on, sir.

PHIL:

Hold on! Hold on!

PHIL:

F***!

Hi.

Hi, everybody.

We came in a little hotter

than we planned.

And sorry we trenched the lawn here.

Totally fixable. A bit of sod, we'll be fine.

- Baby!

- Oh, my God.

- Hi.

- Ah, I'm so happy to see you.

FOHN:

Teddy.

Teddy, here.

- Hi, Dad.

- Oh, Teddy.

- Are you all right?

- Yeah, I'm okay.

No! Your hand!

I know. We had an accident. I'm okay.

- This is your fault.

- No, Dad.

He's right. Mr. Srisai, Lauren.

- I haven't been completely honest with you.

- Stu?

- Yeah?

- Don't do this.

Thanks, Phil, but gonna do it.

You said I'm chok.

Well, I'm not.

I'm not some weird milky, ricey,

watery goop...

that you feed to infants

and old people, okay?

Maybe I would be

if you added some cayenne pepper.

I wish I was a boring dentist

who had a boring life and boring friends...

but I don't, I'm not.

I'm actually part of this weird wolf pack.

Hey, it's not weird. it's pretty cool, actually.

No membership fee...

I have heard enough of this.

You come here.

Whoa.

Here's the deal, man.

I got a dark side.

There's a demon in me.

It's true, he has semen in him.

I said "demon."

But you also have semen in you.

Remember?

That's not relevant, but thank you, Alan.

Point is...

this demon takes me

to some pretty weird places.

And we lost Teddy

for two days in Bangkok.

But that same demon took us to hell

and back to find him.

We took on Bangkok and we won.

And that's pretty f***ing cool

if you ask me. Right?

I love your daughter

and I'm gonna marry her...

unless you have any problem with that.

- I'm good.

- All right.

But all that said...

it would actually mean a great deal

to both of us...

if we could just get

your motherfucking blessing.

Hey, Alan.

Your head looks pretty cool shaved.

ALAN:

Thanks, Phil.

You should shave your head too.

Why would I do that?

Well, that way,

we would look exactly alike.

Take good care of my daughter, Stu.

- I will.

- Thank you.

killed everyone with the boat.

Just happy you're here.

Don't worry about the tattoo. I'll have it

lasered as soon as we're home in L.A.

It's okay. I can get used to it.

Really?

- But for now, let's switch sides?

- Yeah, okay.

Thank you.

Much better.

Dear family and friends...

on behalf of Stu and Lauren...

I welcome all of you

for this marriage celebration.

We are here today to encourage,

celebrate ...

[SINGING A FLOCK

OF SEAGULLS' "I RAN"]

I walk along the avenue

I never thought I'd meet a girl like you

Meet a girl like you

And I ran

Iran so far away

I couldn't get away

Thanks, buddy.

Can you hold on for a second?

Thank you. Ahem.

Hello? Hi, everyone.

I'm, uh... My name's Alan Garner.

Um, I want to thank the Asiatic people

for allowing us in your land.

I wanted to, um, say that, um,

I'm really happy to be here...

and I have a wedding gift

to present to Lauren and Stu.

Um, and a lot of thought have gone

into this...

and I hope that you appreciate it

as much I di... Are going to.

Okay. Guys.

[SINGING MURRAY HEAD'S

"ONE NIGHT IN BANGKOK"]

Bangkok, Oriental setting, and the city

Don't know what the city is getting

Oh, f***!

In a show with everything

But Yul Brynner, ya know?

One night in Bangkok

And the world's your oyster

The bars are temples

But the pearls, they ain't free

You'll find a god in every golden cloister

And if you're lucky, then the god's a she

Alan!

I can feel the devil walking next to me

What the f***, man?

- So, what do you think?

- It's insane! How did you do that?

My dad had to make a lot of calls,

and then I told Mike, I said:

"You gotta do it.

It's for my third best friend."

STU:

Alan, it's amazing. I love it.

Thank you so much.

We only have him for the night.

We don't own him permanently.

Understood.

One night in Bangkok

Makes the hard man humble

Not much between despair and ecstasy

I can feel the devil walking next to me

PHIL:

You do a lot of public speaking, Alan?

Mike, you were great.

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