Hannah Montana: One in a Million Page #8

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Roger Bucks:

lntergalactic Bounty Hunter.

Ooh! You better

set your phasers on fun! (laughs)

Tell us all about it. Right?

Tell us. Tell us!

- (audience) Tell us. Tell us.

- OK. All right. Well...

First, l'm really glad

to have a few days in LA

before we go to Antarctica

to do the rt of the movie.

- Oh.

- lt giv me a chance to spend time

- with some really good friends.

- You hear that? Great friends.

(chuckl) That's me.

There is no way you

and Heartbreak Jake can be friends.

Y, we can.

You know what? Being friends is the

bt thing that's ever happened to us.

We can finally hang out

without any of that relationship junk.

lt's so simple.

No more insecurity or anger or jealousy.

Uh-huh.

And l'm so excited to introduce

the intergalactic alien babe

that l'll be kissing

for the next eight weeks.

Put your hands together

for my beautiful co-star, Mikayla!

- (Wendy screams)

- What?

# Yeah, yeah #

Well, that's our show for today.

We're gonna see you tomorrow when your

alarm clocks will ring and say...

- (all) ''Wake up, it's Wendy!''

- Buh-bye.

And we're out.

- Thank you so much for having us.

- Oh, you're welcome.

Y, you are! Oh, y, you are!

Wendy, you don't have to yell,

we're right here.

Oh, l know! lt tak me 20 minut after

every show to stop talking like this!

lt do, it really do!

Hey. So, what did you think?

You were great. That big announcement,

boy, was that...

...great and... and big.

Didn't see that one coming.

l thought about asking, you know,

Hannah Montana to play my love intert,

but l didn't want to do anything

that might risk the new friendship.

Little late for that, buddy boy.

So you went with Mikayla

instead of asking me

because you didn't want

to risk our friendship?

Exactly. l mean,

you know, how awkward would that be?

The alien babe and l kiss from one end

of the universe to the other.

l mean, it's like every single scene

is kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss...

l got it.

Miley, you're not jealous, are you?

Are you kidding? (scoffs)

l'm happy for you!

Friend. (chuckl)

Pal.

- Amigo!

- Ow. Ow.

You get any happier

you're gonna break my arm.

Hey, Jake. And l know who you are.

- You do?

- Of course.

- You're Jake's ex-girlfriend.

- Right.

- We've never met or anything.

- Or worked together or anything.

- Lilly!

- Well, you haven't.

Excuse me, Mr. Ryan.

A couple of guys

from the crew were wondering

if they could get a picture with you.

Well, l'm not gonna say no to that.

l just want you to know

how amazing l think you are.

- Really?

- Of course.

l could never watch my ex-boyfriend

macking on a girl and stay friends.

Well, it's true, l am amazing.

And it's just a movie, right?

Oh, l sure hope not.

l mean, come on, he's beyond cute.

l can't believe you dumped him.

Yep. She's just a little dumpster.

So you're really into him?

Are you kidding? l'm working

on our celebrity couple nam.

Right now, it's between

''Jakayla'' and ''Mikake.'' (chuckl)

Too bad you're not old enough

for, uh, Donald Trump.

You could be ''Old MikDonald.'' (laughs)

(laughter)

Hey, you're funny! Man,

it's too bad you're not famous too.

We could've been good friends.

(whispers) No!

lt had to be Mikayla?

Relax, so what if she's into him.

He may not even like her.

Are you kidding?

Two months in Antarctica.

You're cold. You're lonely.

And your snuggle options are between

a penguin and her. Do the math.

- So go warn him.

- l can't.

lf l tell him that l hate Mikayla, he'll

just think it's because l'm jealous.

But you do hate her and you are jealous.

- l am not jealous!

- Oh!

l am his friend.

And as his friend,

it's my job

to get Mikayla fired off that set

before they start

sharing mukluks in Antarctica.

Please tell me your plan

don't involve me. Oh, boy!

Come on.

(TVplays)

Here's your lunch, boy.

Come on, this is stupid.

Can't l come back in the house now?

No way. You smell worse than that

week-old sardine Uncle Earl found

in his fat fold

when he was looking for the remote.

Oh, come on. lt's just a little

man funk! What are you afraid of?

Poor little guy,

flew right through the stank zone.

# Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh #

Oh, hey, guys.

Hey, thanks for coming by.

No problem. We wanted

to wish you luck on your first day,

'cause, you know,

that is what friends do.

They're there for each other,

they support each other...

- So where's Mikayla?

- Uh, in makeup. Why?

Oh, we just wanted to wish her luck.

Not like we're here

to get her fired or anything.

That's... That's crazy talk 'cause...

Well, good luck. Break a leg.

Got to go. Bye. (chuckl)

- You stink under prsure.

- Then stop putting me under prsure.

Listen, you flunky, Mikayla demanded

extra cashews in her trail mix.

And if there isn't a boatload of curvy

nuts in her drsing room pronto,

you're gonna be looking

for a new alien babe, OK?

- l don't like cashews.

- (whispers) l know, but l do.

- Mikayla, hi.

- Oh, great. Little fans. (chuckl)

Security

l thought this was a closed set!

Uh, it's OK, Margot.

The are Jake's friends.

Oh, hi!

- lt's so nice to meet you! Oh!

- (grunts)

- (phone rings)

- Oh. What?

Listen, mister, we had a contract

and it is legally binding.

lf l get home and your bedroom is not

clean, you can forget about allowance.

(mak kissing sounds) OK, bye-bye.

So guys, what do you think of my

costume? Don't l look fabulous?

Ooh, and check this out.

(distorted) Kiss me, Roger Bucks, as if

the fate of the galaxy depends on it.

Because it do. (chuckl)

That is so cool. You know

who would like that? Johnny Depp.

- Yeah, and he's right outside.

- What?

We were just talking to him and

he said he really wanted to meet you.

- He did?

- He did!

- He did?

- He did! Come on, let's go!

Say hi to Johnny for me.

Johnny?

- Wait, he's not out here.

- Huh. Too bad.

- See you, sucker.

- (laughs)

Phase one complete.

(in robot voice) Commencing phase two.

(coughing)

Hey, consider yourselv lucky.

At least you can run away from it.

That's close enough!

- Hey, you showered!

- You're clean!

- We won! Yeah!

- Yeah, baby! Whoo! No!

Congratulations! Have a hot dog.

Ah, the first of many.

So, Rico,

when did your water go back on?

- lt was never off.

- What?

And now, thanks to your man stink,

l'm the only sweet-smelling guy

within mil of this place.

And you're happy about that because...

Excuse me.

l'm looking for the photo shoot.

Oh, the one for the...

...swimsuit calendar?

- Let me walk you over.

- Oh, girls, it's this way.

- (mumbl indistinctly)

- Thanks. You are so cute.

Oh, you set us up.

lt was like taking candy

from two stanky babi.

Shall we?

- Hey, ladi. Come back. l'm a Taurus.

- Oliver.

Very good to meet you. (grunts)

# Ooh, yeah

Whoa, whoa #

- Are you sure this is gonna work?

- lt will.

As soon as l'm done being Mikayla,

she's gonna be Mik-fired.

Ooh, so evil.

lt's like you really are Mikayla.

(distorted) Thank you. (laughs)

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