Harte Jungs Page #3

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What?

I've got a bad feeling about this.

Hello, I'll take this copy

of the Karma Sutra please.

Excuse me young man,

but you're not old enough to buy this book.

Red, let's just forget about it.

How are we supposed to learn about

making love if you won't allow us

to buy a book on it.

Sex is dangerous dammit

if you don't know much about it.

We could contract a serious disease

and pass out of the picture.

Imagine the guilt.

Could you bear it?

How will you sleep knowing

two young boys are rotting

in the ground six feet under?

Alright! Alright! Go ahead.

What?

That'll be $24.50.

Ok.

Hey man, no matter what they say

sex is all about technique.

This is supposed to be fun?

Look at that one?

"The Blow of the Lumberjack".

Leone knows all these positions?

You worry too much.

There are only about...

To try to learn 69 positions

in 4 days was impossible.

Florian.

Yeah?

Homework hell? How's it going?

Good.

We'll be back in a few hours.

Don't stay up too late.

190-566-566.

190-566-566.

What are you waiting for?

Give her a buzz.

Welcome to the 'Sex-line'.

MasterCard or Visa?

Hello,

MasterCard.

Cardholder's name?

Patrick Thomas.

Thank you Miss Thomas. Enjoy.

Press a number now to select

a qualified teacher for your needs.

For Professor Pamela, press one...

for Professor Candy, press two...

for Professor Lolita, press three...

for Doctor Andreas, press four.

Andreas?

No, don't pick her

Go for the sugary one, number two.

Hello sweetie,

I'm Professor Candy.

What's your name?

Um... Florian.

What can I do for you Florian

I've got a question about safety.

How safe is

'The Blow of the Lumberjack'?

Blow a lumberjack?

A friend of mine was in an exercise

class last week, he was only

trying to touch his toes and he...

Listen, Florian

I have a better idea.

Why don't we talk about you?

You know you have

a very sexy voice.

Yeah?

Y'know what?

Just hearing your

sensual voice has already

got my little p*ssy starting to purr.

Really?

Y'know, my own cat got run

over last summer on the

freeway by a truck.

Your father forgot

something... typical.

Is your homework completed?

Well, just about.

C'mon, give my little tiger a bone.

Is one of your friends on the phone?

It's Lisa.

Oh, good.

Good heavens Florian.

She sounds like she's very sick.

It's just a little cold.

Let me say hello...

Lisa.

Oh, my god!

I'll call you back.

I had a nice chat with

candy and her cat

but I still don't know what was up with that.

Sex and romance don't seem to drive

but the Karma Sutra says

I've got to keep them both alive.

I wonder how they're related.

Beats me. I think it's

something adults invented.

Hey, romance is

overrated anyway.

Look at that!

There's nothing better

a double-dip on a hot day.

It looks more difficult than it is.

Do you think so?

Yeah. C'mere...

...alright, you stand on one leg

while I lift the other.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Didn't mean to disturb you guys.

Just carry on.

My chatty little buddy said to forget about

romance but I had a feeling he was lying.

Hey pal, why would I lie to you?

Trust me.

These lines shift according to

the politics of the day.

Sometimes...

What would Leone find romantic?

I knew I couldn't just

go up to her and ask.

Lisa.

Do you want to have sex?

No way Red Bull.

No way Red Bull.

Red

Come up front.

Sorry Mrs. Mueller

what was the question?

Indicate to the class where

the Flatlands of Europe

can be found.

Um... they're right... here.

I don't know what to do. They're

just not getting very big yet.

I keep checking in the mirror

but nothing's happening.

I don't have big breasts

that flop around.

Does it bother you?

You better believe it, toots.

No problem at all.

I mean, on the bright side

you save money.

You don't need a bra.

I mean... b*obs,

They're overrated.

Liar.

Liar.

Let's go back inside.

Red Bull organized

a field-trip for the two of us.

Knowing him, I didn't expect much

but it turned out to be pretty cool.

Mother!

Mommy!

Get out!

Are you demented?

Mom?

Just looking for my mother.

Mom?

Occupied!

Do I know you?

Florian!

You're not my mother!

And you're not my son.

The first thing to learn is

opening the bra... brasiers.

Next you need to learn the various bra sizes.

It's considered a basic requirement.

They start in A, which is

the smallest... and they

go up to a D

How big is Leone?

I think she'd be a solid C.

Unless, of course

she wears a wonderbra.

Then you can't tell.

Yeah, but how do you know

what you'll be getting.

They don't want you to know.

That's why they wear them

in the first place.

How sneaky.

Can I help you with something?

Yes. My friend needs

a bra for... his mother.

Very well. What size is your mother?

He's forgotten. But if you show him

some he'll remember.

Don't forget to watch how they open.

Because some unfasten in the front

others unfasten at the back.

Some un-snap

some have catches.

Well, how do you know

which is which?

You don't. That's the problem.

Opening a bra is like playing poker.

You need some skill to pull it off

and a whole bunch of luck.

Ok, there's this brasier

and another style

and there are these two choices.

You see

this one opens at the front.

Does your mother wear

that type of bra?

Sure.

Now try to open it with one hand.

Are you serious?

Yeah. And hooks can really be a b*tch.

Snaps are a lot easier.

You've got to keep

the other hand free.

Ok, that's it. Out! Now!

Wait a minute.

You misunderstand

what's going on.

My friend's mother over there was

in a serious automobile accident.

You poor thing.

His father wasn't so lucky.

They're still looking for

the top of him.

So young Florian here...

he's all she has left.

Oh... you boys practice

as long as you need to.

Take the time to get it right.

My family thanks you.

Lesson two is the lower half.

How to get a woman out of her pants.

A lot of women wear skin-tight jeans.

You need a crowbar to remove them.

It's almost an impossible task to do

even, if the girl helps you.

Try taking them off without

her noticing it's happening.

I think I'm lost.

You can't be crude and say

"Hey babe, drop 'em".

If she's turned off, it's over.

She wants to get naked too... only

you know the way girls are.

She'd never admit it.

You have to peel them off

her from the front.

But how?

Make up a story, something amazing

and wild as you're waving one hand

right in front of her face.

This will distract her so

you can pull down her pants

with your other free hand.

I've never heard of that technique.

Only have sex after they get married?

I don't know.

The answers are

right in front of you.

Italians speak with both hands.

Did you ever see an Italian guy

who spoke with just one hand?

I guess not.

That's right.

With no hands free

he's forced to marry her just so

she'll undress for him.

That sucks.

That's why the Catholic Church has

so much power in Italy.

If a grown man wants to undress

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