Harte Jungs Page #4

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a woman he has to marry her first.

Have you seen the phone anywhere?

Florian took it to his room to call Lisa.

They're doing homework on it.

Amazing. He just keeps surprising me.

Dig your claws into my back...

Scratch me!

Deeper! Harder!

Give my p*ssy a wild ride, cowboy.

Alright

let's rehearse this like a movie.

Here we go...

places everyone and...

Action!

Come cruel...

Stop!

What the hell are you doing?

Professor, you said 'action'.

Kye, you're playing a musician.

Yeah, so?

Musicians don't carry weapons.

They carry guitars... hey!

George!

What's up?

I was more and more convinced

there was something wrong with me.

I mean, everywhere I looked,

I saw Leones.

Big Leones...

Little Leones...

Thin Leones...

Fat Leones

They were everywhere.

I was so worried about Friday

and time was running out fast.

Florian, what's going on?

Well, I like this one person but

I'm so nervous around her

that I haven't been able to tell her yet.

She won't want to know anyway.

Don't be so negative.

So I thought it would be nice to

buy her a present.

Yeah, a flavored condom.

Oh, really? What for?

Just so she'd notice me.

I'd get her attention.

How about a ring?

You mean it?

To remember me

when I'm not around.

I hope you know her finger size.

I'd say she's just about your size.

Then I guess I should keep you company

when you go to get the ring.

Does Friday work?

That'd be great.

Ok, that's perfect.

Red Bull's next lesson concerned

other people's privacy and how to

effectively invade it.

It looks like

we're about to hit paydirt...

...ah, false alarm.

Do you always spyin' on your neighbors?

Not constantly.

No more than a couple of times a day.

Observation is one of the basic

building blocks of education.

I still don't see anything.

Patience, my friend

is very important.

Especially if you get stuck.

Stuck'... what are you talking about?

When dogs are breeding they

often get stuck together and

you can't pull them apart.

The lady dog gets freaked out and

tries to run off down the road

and the poor male dog gets

dragged behind on his butt.

What's that got to do with me?

Well, basically the same thing can

happen to men and women.

When the woman is done

she usually wants to get up and

brush her hair... or whatever.

Women are always

doing something.

The guy is stuck, trapped in there.

If you don't find a way to hold

her down she's going to

drag your skinny ass all over

the house. And your dick could

sustain permanent injuries.

No way.

Yeah. Why do you think men

sometimes tie women to the bed?

Whoah! Look at that...

Down there.

That looks like a whip.

Why does she have a whip?

Obviously the guy didn't

perform well.

I don't know...

I don't think I'm ready for this.

It seems the more I learn about sex

the more confused I am.

I'm really lost.

You're way too naive for your age.

You need some professional help.

Go to an expert first.

Get it solved now.

It wouldn't be right.

Get real!

Sign me up!

What you need is an emergency

training program now.

Otherwise Leone is going to

eat you alive. Or even worse

whip you like a horse.

Hello?

You've selected

'Dominating Darlings', Mistress

Vanya will be right with you.

Mistress Vanya speaking.

Who the hell are you?

Ah... Florian.

Alright Florian

Are you sitting all nice and comfy?

Yeah.

Well, get your ass up!

Vanya doesn't tolerate any sitting

sissies. I'm into pain and more pain

understood?

Stand up, slave! Now!

Whatever you say.

Wrong! The correct response is

"Yes Mistress Vanya!".

Yes. Mistress Vanya!

Kneel down, you stinky

good-for-nothing dog and

bark for your mistress.

Bark, Fido!

I really don't think that

would be such a good idea.

On your knees

you maggot-ridden flea-hound!

Ok ok ok...

Repeat after me, and get it right

word for word...

Mistress Vanya, I am so unworthy!

Mistress Vanya, I am so unworthy!

Louder, you filthy scum!

Mistress Vanya, I am so unworthy!

Oh, yeah? Well, show me

you mean it and kiss the carpet.

The carpet?

It looks pretty dirty.

Do I have to?

You whip!

Get down on all fours and

bark like a dog and make it loud.

I said make it loud...

or I'm going to whip you!

Florian...

Why are you barking on the carpet?

I was looking for my book.

Bark again!

Put more bite into it you...

It's a school project.

Talking to Mistress Vanya hadn't

made anything clearer.

I mean, what do barking dogs and

carpet-kissing have to do with sex?

Red Bull was right

I needed professional help.

The thing I like about

Red Bull is that

when he makes up his mind

to do something he does it well.

You see, there was a small

sum of $200 involved.

And where can two kids

get that kind of money?

This next issue is something special.

It's one of my personal favorites.

Farrah Fawcett was

the Pamela Anderson of her day.

Ok, here's my final

rock-bottom price...

5 bucks.

Hey, I'll give you three.

Wait a minute. Give me four and I'll

throw in this extra strength

water-balloon, alright?

This balloon is not sold in stores.

It can hold over a gallon of

water without exploding.

Electronically tested

it's guaranteed to perform.

And best of all

it holds its shape

even thrown off the fourth floor.

4, 5 bucks

5, 6, 7, 8 bucks

Anyway, Mistress Vanya kept

telling me to kiss the carpet.

I don't know how often

you clean your carpet but...

No no no...

kissing carpet is when...

well, you know...

when you kiss a girl 'down there'.

Why would I want to do that?

It drives them wild.

It's the warm-up, called foreplay.

You'll want to remember it

when you get in there.

What's it like?

Like... it's like...

I can't describe it.

It smells like...

rabbit.

You're kidding.

Like dead rabbit.

How long dead?

Well, think of a rabbit hit

by a gigantic truck

and left by the side of the road

for a few days. It smells like

mayonnaise in a sauna.

Man!

What?

I don't know if I can do it.

I've got a weak stomach.

Women get angry

If you don't do this foreplay first.

But maybe, since we're paying for it

she'll make an exception for you.

This is it, buddy.

You know, maybe this isn't such

a good idea. Let's just go home.

What do you want?

We're here to see Mona.

For what?

For my friend here.

Tell her I'll do anything...

but foreplay.

Foreplay? I can't believe it.

You blew the gig. He was about

to let you in, Fly.

You wait right here, Ok?

And let me arrange it. Uh?

All this because of you.

Hey, I'm worth it, buddy.

Listen, I really appreciate you setting

this up. It's very nice of you.

Have a good one.

Well, what did he say?

The guy was nice.

He even took our cash

so we're paid in advance.

They were all booked up for today.

But tomorrow, at 12:00 noon

you have a date with Anita.

Women are just like cars

you know what I mean?

No. How do you figure?

I read somewhere that a healthy

relationship shouldn't last more

than about 4 years or so.

Yeah, but my parents have been

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