Harte Jungs Page #5

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together for...

Yeah yeah yeah, I know.

But your folks aren't normal.

Biologically it takes a couple

about 4 years to have a child

and when it walks

the man goes on the hunt

for the next woman.

It's scientifically proven.

Really? But what...

Hey, no 'buts'.

That's why mankind has

existed for so long.

That's why you hear

a little voice, telling you what to do

"Boy, look at that babe... and that!"

Alright, even if it's true

what's it got to do with cars?

I'm coming to it.

Y'see, most people keep their car

for four years and then

hey trade it in.

The ignition breaks, the tires wear out

and on and on and on...

With women the same thing happens.

They start to fall apart.

Then it's time for all kinds of

plastic surgery...

silicone implants, liposuction,

everything under the hood.

Before you know it they're

nickle and diming you to death.

A woman wears down just

like car's transmission.

That's why so many men

marry secretaries.

All these secretaries are

20 years old, fresh and new, like

the parts in an auto-assembly line.

They wait for the bosses wife

to crumble and rust.

Not all marriages end up like that.

Tell me, whose folks are

still together?

Mine are.

I told you're parents are not

exactly normal. They're like

a disaster waiting to happen.

Aunt Zelda...

Are my dad and mom really

happy together?

What kind of a question is that?

It's just that all of my friend's

parents are divorced or split up.

Or having affairs.

Yet my dad and mom seem so content

and happy with each other.

Is that normal?

Oh, Florian.

Don't worry about your folks.

Your mom and dad are good together.

They get along very well

and are happy.

And tonight they're having a romantic

evening to celebrate their love.

Phone sex.

What?

Don't pretend you didn't hear me.

Telephone sex!

Please keep your voice down

everyone can hear.

I'll speak as loud as I please.

I repeat, telephone sex!

How are you able to have sex

with a telephone?

You've been calling up girls

for sex on the phone.

/That's disgusting.

What are you talking about, Petra?

You can't recall?

Well then, perhaps this girl Candy

or maybe Mistress Vanya will

refresh your memory.

What is this?

How disrespectful to call them

from our home!

Where our innocent boy could overhear.

What example are you setting

for our son?

And to have the nerve to put

these filthy calls on my credit card!

She can grease me up like that

any time she wants. Do you

think we can get a good-night kiss?

Time to turn off your light

young man. It's late.

Tomorrow will be another long

hard day. You'll need a good sleep.

Who needs a good sleep?

Introduce me!

I had less than 24 hours

to prep for Leone

and I hadn't even kissed a girl yet.

Now, rest well, Florian.

Sweet dreams.

/Here comes that kiss.

Here's our chance pal...

slip in the tongue.

You idiot!

Hey! A little tongue is

better than nothing.

Rabbits...

Cute little white bunny rabbits.

A carpet of them.

Foreplay on the carpet...

girls love it.

Carpet tastes like dead rabbit.

C'mon, let's go.

My father discovered

his Playboys were missing.

I'm grounded until I'm thirty.

Sh*t, man!

Go and see Anita on your own.

C'mon, can't we change

the appointment or something?

Are you nuts?

Are you nuts?

I already gave the guy all the money

we made from selling the magazines.

C'mon, if you don't go I'll have

gotten into trouble for nothing.

I don't know...

You owe me this one. You and I both

know you need experience for tonight.

Understand?

I'm shrinking by the minute here.

This is the most important moment

of your life.

Go back!

No!

Yes!

No!

Yes! I don't know the meaning of

the word 'no'.

No is no and that's final!

Who are you talking to?

I'm looking for Anita.

Who are you?

I'm Florian.

Aren't you a little bit young

to be coming here?

I don't know.

I had an appointment at 12:00.

But at your age

you must have a girl friend.

There is this girl... who really

seems to want me... I hope.

And the problem is

I've never done it before.

I'm afraid I'll disappoint her.

Is that stupid?

No, it isn't. It's cute in fact.

It feels kind of cold.

How about we go get a hot chocolate?

Yeah...

It's difficult being a young guy.

Up to now I was only interested

in sports and things.

Then out of the blue, bang, a voice

begins telling me that

I'm supposed to have sex.

It's driving me crazy.

It doesn't stop bugging me for a minute.

I don't know what to do.

It won't stop.

You mean it will get worse?

No. One day you'll begin to realize

that a person's life isn't just about sex.

When that happens the voice

you're hearing will no longer be a problem.

That's a lot of blah blah, pal.

I'm your biggest asset.

Come... sit next to me.

I'll show you something.

Ok, ever feel that before?

It feels pretty good, huh?

Do the same to your girl friend.

She'll really love it.

Red, you lied about the smell.

It's not at all like dead rabbit.

Yeah, I know...

once more.

Hey!

Don't hurt my hand.

Watch this...

It's my turn...

Hey! You're using up the smell.

Ok, this is the last round.

Stop it!

I thought you were rehearsing.

What does it cost?

Let me see...

DM 2,000

I was thinking about... DM 50.

That's going to be very difficult.

Let me see...

This one's quite lovely.

You know what, this one's even better.

It's beautiful.

Should we get it?

Do you think Leone will like it?

Excuse me?

Leone.

The ring is for Leone?

Yeah, what did you think?

Hey, Lisa, wait!

I didn't understand what had gotten

into Lisa. But then I was preoccupied

with some other important stuff.

The big night had finally arrived

and I felt confident that I was ready.

I had the ring

and I'd memorized every position

in the Karma Sutra.

Although one or two of them still

gave me a few problems.

Hi, Leone. I hope my technique

is as good as Kyle's.

Here Leone, take this ring

as a sign of my... affection.

Just introduce me and I'll do the rest.

Now or never.

Hello!

Florian, what are you doing here?

I was invited... remember?

Oh, yeah, but...

Oh, 'Whiffy'...

Whiff-whiff back away.

Get down 'whiffy'.

Whiffy'! Stop!

Are those for me?

Yeah.

Well, since you're here

you might as well come in.

It's a nice house.

Sit!

I'll put the flowers in that corner

over there. Right next to mom's

priceless porcelain figurine collection.

Whiffy'!

Now, stop!

He becomes so jealous when

I mention mom's porcelain figurines.

Let's tend to business before

I become tenderloin for that mutt!

I'll be right back.

I'll get some water for the flowers.

I got this to show...

Sorry, but I totally forgot

I invited you here.

I'd like to offer you something to

drink but Kyle will be here any minute

and you know weird he gets when

a guy even looks at me.

Remember what

happened to poor Kevin?

What are you waiting for, a full moon?

Don't let her out of your sight.

Here's to my love.

O true apocothery

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