Heartbreakers Page #3

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We go with Tensy.

Stupid jerk!

He doesn't look so bad-

in this light.

Yeah, his liver spots

are positively glowing.

All right, let's run

through it one more time.

I know what to do.

Got a light?

Yeah.

Your trash is on fire.

Holy sh*t!

Set.

Good. Now stay by the phone.

Timing on this is crucial.

Duh!

Always treating me like a child.

Child!

Excuse me, sir,

but smoking is not permitted.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Nazi.

Oh!

Pardon me.

Is no crime.

OK, Dr. Davis, let's see

where you're going tonight.

Good start, Page.

Crap!

Davis residence.

Yeah, Arnold Davis, please.

I'm sorry, he's just left.

Oh, no. This is-

He left me a message.

I'm supposed

to meet him tonight-

I can't read

my maid's handwriting-

Who is this?

This is-

Stupid cell phone.

Mrs. Whiler?

Right. Right.

This is Mrs. Whiler.

I believe he said the Glades.

Right. And that's on?

I think it's on

the far end of Ocean.

Great. Cutting out. Thank-

Hi. Can I get you a drink?

Wow. I've never heard

that one before.

You really blow me away

with your creativity.

- Well, I-

- Well, I...

Your recovery is even better.

Do you even care

at all who I am?

I mean, I could be

the Antichrist or have...

the intelligence of a thermos,

but unfortunately...

those are not the matters

the male penis ponders.

So, please, tell me...

why did you walk

all the way over here...

to ask to get me a drink?

Well, because I'm the bartender.

Oh.

Martini, very dry.

Sure.

Our next item is

an exquisite piece...

from the Kerner estate...

a stunning work

by Feodor Tergeniev...

entitled Form in Repose.

I'm looking for

an opening bid of 130, 000.

Very good. I have 130.

Do I hear 140?

Thank you.

Do I hear 150?

150, 000.

I am offer 170.

Was that 175, sir?

I'll take that.

175, 000.

I have 180.

Do I hear 190?

Do I hear 190?

I really must hear a number

or see a paddle, sir.

I think he-

Yes, ma'am,

I have your bid.

It's to you

at $180, 000.

Going once...

twice...

sold-

to the persistent

woman on my right.

Thanks.

You did good.

Bye.

Uh, that's $3.50.

I'll flip you for it.

Call it.

- No, we don't really-

- Call it!

Tails.

Heads. Oh, too bad.

Thanks.

Well, Jack, looks like

she got a free drink...

and one of your balls.

Nah, I just think she's

nervous being on her own.

Oh, yeah.

She's a delicate flower.

Oh, wait!

I think I see crack.

- That's just his butt, lady.

- Let me see.

Hmm.

Hmm. Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Ooh.

Looks good.

From where I'm standing...

hmm.

Oh!

Oh, my God!

Oh!

What, what?

What is the matter?

My-my beautiful man.

He ruined.

Ruined!

I'm sure we can have

this expertly repaired.

No. Man thing off,

deal off.

What good is to me now?

He has no "pipiska."

Mother, did you have any

trouble finding the place?

This is beyond civilization.

It was impossible

to find.

Son of a b*tch!

Ow!

Ow! Ow!

Oh!

I'm so sorry.

Get away from him!

Get away!

I told you it was dangerous to

come to these low-class bars.

It stings, Mama.

It stings so bad.

Oh, mother will help you.

The retina is detached.

I know it! Ow!

Are you OK now?

Yes. You idi-

"Idi" what?

Yeah.

Subject is en route.

He'll pass the checkpoint

in 10 minutes.

Everything set?

Yeah. Of course.

What's wrong, Page?

Mother can tell

something's wrong.

Mother knows nothing.

I'm following

right behind him...

so be sure

to remove the spikes.

And he mustn't see you.

He must think no one else

is around so we can bond.

I know, I know.

You're driving me crazy.

Well, you're driving me crazy.

Well, that answers

the question of whether...

you're already

in a relationship.

Since you can't seem

to read my subtle signals...

I'll help you out.

Piss off!

Everyone is a little

irritable after they choke.

Two headlights.

That's not him. Crap.

That was wrong

on so many levels.

- You!

- What happened?

What are you doing here?

- I followed you.

- More like stalked me.

Listen, mouth breather,

I am fully capable...

and really in the mood

to kick the sh*t out of...

your psychotic, skulking ass.

Does this look familiar?

Might be mine.

Well, if you're not sure...

Thanks! Now go.

Look, my car doesn't drive

so good with a tree in it.

What a baby!

It's a flat. I'll fix it.

Wait, first we better go clear

that stuff out of the road.

Another car could-

No! I'll do it.

Just get the spare.

Now!

Look, I'm willing to explore...

the whole being

dominated thing, OK?

But let's just take it slow.

- Uh-oh!

- Watch out!

Oh!

Oh!

What did you push me for?

I saved you, you moron.

That can't be good.

I'd better check it out.

Oh, wait, wait!

I'm hurt.

No, you're not.

Nothing could hurt you.

Are you calling me a liar?

All right,

where are you hurt, then?

My ankle.

See?

What the hell?

Perfect.

Oh!

No!

Jeez, they're really

piling up... up there.

My ankle.

Your ankle is fine.

I'm going.

Are you mixing medications?

You're ruining the magic, idiot.

I'm much sorry.

Must be glass in road.

Ah, the statue stealer.

Why is it whenever I see you...

things seem to be

going into the crapper?

You have head injury.

I rush you to hospital.

No, no, no.

I don't. No. No.

The police will

be along shortly...

and they'll sort this out.

Ooh!

See?

Delayed shooting head pains.

Come. To hospital we go.

What about your car?

You have flat tires.

Oh, is nothing.

Ooh.

What the hell are you doing?

Get off me!

What?

- You were the one who...

- I got to go.

How do I look?

If I were a guy, I'd do you.

You're sweet.

I'm going back to the hospital

to see if I can fix...

the mess you made last night.

With that on,

he'll forgive anything.

He better...

for your sake.

Be nice or I won't tell you

which eye looks bigger.

Which?

- Are you going to be nice?

- I'm always nice.

The left.

Here, use my eyeliner.

Sh*t.

I want my purse, jerk-off.

That's not very friendly.

Now, I want you

to go back out...

and this time,

when you kick the door open...

say something nice.

You stole my purse, dipshit...

and you stole it so I'd have to

see your ugly-ass face again.

No, you forgot your purse

for the second time...

because you were in such

a hurry to strand me...

- in the middle of nowhere.

- Look, just give it to me.

Or would you rather have

my heel up your ass?

Who told you I'm into that?

Pretty rough on

the boss, weren't you?

You know, he's not

really into ass play.

That's just, like,

his sense of humor.

He owns this place?

Yeah, his dad left it to him.

Of course, all these

development creeps...

are trying to give him,

like, 3 mil for the place.

Whole world's going to be

Gaps and Starbucks, right?

He's loaded.

Good, Page.

Greetings.

Oh, it's you.

Doctors don't want me to smoke.

It's ridiculous.

They depend on cigarettes.

A perfect scapegoat

for their incompetence.

I assume you're here

about the insurance.

My attorneys will

take care of it.

That won't be necessary.

I have no want to sue you.

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