Heartbreakers Page #5

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What is inconceivablish?

Well, your housekeep

did much admire...

and when she give me purse

to leave yesterday, was open.

Sir, I swear to you...

I would never take so much as

a hairpin from this household.

Is this not clothing

you wear yesterday...

when you see me out?

Hello.

She set me up.

She could have slipped that

into my pocket any time.

You doubt me?

Oh, William.

Oh, how you can sleep

on so lumpy a...

My wife's old jewelry.

Why you are stealing from

loyal, kind employer man?

No! It's her.

Can't you see?

You b*tch!

My cigarettes?

I feel like vomiting.

Oh, please, Mr. Tensy.

I have been a dedicated

and trust worthy servant...

for over 7 years.

Look into my eyes.

You must believe in my complete

and total innocence.

If it's at all possible...

could you slap her around

a little bit?

That's very good, Darling.

You're doing better.

Come on, let's hear

a little pain.

I've set you up with

an interview...

for Tensy's housekeeper

position tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

That's Saturday.

Well, there are no weekends

in conning, dear.

I'll go the first thing Monday.

No, you'll go tomorrow.

We can't take the chance of

someone else getting that job.

You have to start

getting close to him now.

My god, he's days away

from popping the question.

No way.

You couldn't have gotten

him that far this fast.

Have you really

learned so little?

One month flat.

That's a new record.

Mom's still got it.

Jack, I'm still

coming to the game.

I just may be a little late,

that's all.

Well, hey, I'm sure

the van can wait...

for, like, 5 minutes.

Look, I-I'll probably

make it on time anyway.

I gotta go.

Bye.

Sorry I'm running late,

Miss Breckenhall, but...

I've been losing consciousness

more frequently lately.

Allergy season, I think.

Well, it's no problem at all...

But please, call me Allison.

Oh, well...

Allison, I-

I just have a few

questions to ask you.

Do you smoke, Allison?

- No.

- No.

Well, uh...

we gotta go!

She said she'd be

a little late.

20 minutes

is not a little.

We've entered

stood-up territory.

Then I worked for

the English Ambassador...

to Turkey for 41/2 years,

until they shot him.

Oh, they shot him?

But I kept cleaning...

right up until they

burned the embassy down.

Well, that was very loyal.

So, when should I start?

If you could just...

fill out

this application form...

then I can, uh...

verify your employment.

Oh, certainly.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Oh...

I'll get towel.

Y- You seem very dedicated

to your work, Allison.

Something inside me-

this need to please my employer

in any way possible.

Here is towel.

And I find other

employment form.

Oh, well...

I- I don't think

that'll be necessary.

Allison seems...

more than qualified.

Hmm, it's still wet.

Not bad, huh?

Oh, what?

It's just a little hacky...

to go right for

the member massage.

What are you doing

the rest of today?

Oh, um, I don't know.

Beach, nap, nothing.

See ya.

Sh*t!

Sh*t! Sh*t! Sh*t!

You really are

a delicate flower.

Jack!

You missed the game.

Why didn't you go?

I don't know.

My friends have

this theory that...

I'm in love with you.

Hello, Daughter.

What are you doing here?

I thought you'd be

out with Tensy.

Sometimes people aren't where

they say they're going to be.

Oh, well, I got bored

hanging around here...

so I took myself out for a walk.

Bullshit.

I saw you with your boy friend.

You spied on me?

So, this is why you've been

being so nice to me.

I have not been nice to you.

You betray me

for some bartender.

That bartender

happens to own the bar...

and has a firm offer

to sell for 3 million.

You're not ready, Page.

Yeah, so not ready

that I already got him...

to say he loves me.

I mean you're not

ready to con a guy...

without falling

in love yourself.

Give me a break.

I am in complete control.

I saw the kiss.

Your eyes were closed.

That was the sun.

Last time the sun

got in my eyes...

I wound up

with a daughter.

Yeah, and that's just

about the worst thing...

that ever happened

to you, isn't it?

I'm a pro, Mother,

and I'll prove it.

There, nothing...

but the best from you.

Well, give me a chance

to make it even better.

Crap!

- What's wrong?

- I got ta go.

- Why?

- Because I'm no good for you.

I'll be the judge

of that.

No, I just-

you have to trust me.

I am not a good person.

No, you are good.

You may not know it,

but I do.

You come on tough,

but it's all just an act.

I mean, you

don't even believe...

in sleeping together

before marriage.

You're like a Brady

or an Osmond or something.

Look, you don't get it, OK?

I haven't been

completely honest with you.

Look, I know you're not

really an environmentalist.

Who cares?

The important thing is...

I love you

and I want to be with you.

I got ta go.

You win.

I drop the con.

- It's for the best, Dear.

- Shut up, Mother.

Barbara!

You are a lifesaver.

To pull that job off

on such short notice-

I was taught by the best.

I had a blast.

I've been out of

the game for so long...

I've forgotten how much

fun it could be-

even though we were

conning your own daughter...

who I haven't seen

since she was what, 4?

But we weren't conning her.

We were protecting her.

She wanted to run

off on her own...

and this was the only

way to stop her.

You know, you won't be

able to stop her forever.

I know that.

You know, Page is an amazing,

brilliant, talented girl.

But she's still green.

When she's ready...

I'll be the first

one to tell her.

And you're sure

she's not ready now?

I just caught her

kissing some loser...

with her eyes closed.

Really?

I'll get this.

Classy.

I'm still learning from you.

Sweetie, I'm home.

Sounds like a good day.

Yeah, it was fantastic.

Yech, what is Tensy...

Like, the largest

producer of phlegm...

on the East Coast?

I just officially quit smoking.

Well, the good news

keeps on coming.

Hey, I got a killer

dress for tonight.

That, plus the official

letter cannot fail.

- You want to see?

- No. I'm going out for a walk.

Ok, well, uh...

I'm already late.

Jane, Jane!

Don't hang up!

You gotta give up

on that girl, man.

Yeah, there's something

weird about her.

Yeah, but that's what I liked.

Me, too.

What are you doing here?

I was coming to you.

Let me in.

I have a surprise.

Uh, moment.

I'm, uh...naked.

I don't see a problem there.

Here I come!

- Oh, my.

- Completely restored.

Only 7,000 for a new willy.

It's so nice.

But, uh...

William, you know

how the Lord feels...

about having men in hotel room.

even a man who has ordered...

champagne and oysters

from room service?

It's OK. I didn't

charge it to your room.

I cannot anymore see you.

Why on earth not?

Oh, let us leave at that.

Make pain less.

Good-bye forever.

No, no. What is

this all about?

"We regret to in form you

that your application...

"for permanent residence

has been denied.

"you must leave the country

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