Heathers Page #12

J.D.

Mute!

VERONICA:

Next channel, darling.

The silent image of HEATHER DUKE on a staircase talking into a

microphone is on the screen.

VERONICA (O.S.)

Heather, how many networks did

you run to!

Country Club Courtney appears wearing a T-shirt reading BIGFUN.

VERONICA takes the remote and turns the sound on.

VERONICA:

Oh, I have to hear this.

COURTNEY (T.V.)

In my heart, Heather's still alive.

VERONICA:

(muting Courtney)

What are you talking about? She

hated you! You hated her!

(to J.D.)

What are you smiling at?

J.D.

Heather Chandler is more popular

than ever now.

VERONICA:

Yeah. Scary stuff.

J.D. suddenly looks away from VERONICA with a mischievous

half-smile. He inexplicably calls out.

J.D.

Why son, I didn't hear you come in.

J.D.'s father BIG BUD DEAN, stands before them, handsome and

threatening in a shirt and tie. He is rather malevolently

holding a rowing machine.

BIG BUD DEAN:

Hey Dad, how was work today?

BIG BUD slams down his rowing machine and straddles it before

answering his own question. He rows as he speaks. The Brady

Bunch sputters on the T.V. screen before him.

BIG BUD DEAN:

It was miserable. Some damn tribe of

withered old b*tches doesn't want us

to terminate that fleabag hotel. All

because Glenn Miller and his band once

took a sh*t there. It's just like

Kansas. Do you remember f***ing Kansas?

J.D.

That was the one with wheat right?

BIG BUD DEAN:

The Save the Memorial Oak Tree

Society. Showed those fucks.

J.D. turns to VERONICA with a bemused smile.

J.D.

Thirty Fourth of July fireworks

attached to the trunk. Arraigned

but Acquitted.

BIG BUD DEAN:

F***ing Kansas. Gosh Pop, I almost

forgot to introduce my girlfriend.

J.D.

Veronica, Dad. Dad, Veronica.

VERONICA:

Hello.

VERONICA, with a forced smile, reaches to shaked BUD's hand.

He extends his hand but makes no effort to stop rowing

hence his hand pulls away from VERONICA. Pop and son laugh.

J.D.

Jason, why don't you ask your

little friend to stay for dinner.

VERONICA:

(awkwardly standing)

My Mom's making my favorite meal

tonight. Spaghetti. Lots of oregano.

J.D.

Nice. The last time I saw my Mom,

she was waving out the window of a

library in Texas. Right, Dad?

BIG BUD DEAN stops rowing to grin a You-Think-You're-

Tougher-Than-Me-But-You're-Not smile to J.D.

BIG BUD DEAD:

Right, son.

VERONICA:

(weakly)

Right.

EXT. THE SAWYER PATIO--DUSK

Just as in the earlier patio scene, DAD and MOM SAWYER are

seated at a patio table with an empty chair between them. Pate

is on the table. DAD smokes a cigarette.

DAD:

Take a break Veronica, sit down.

VERONICA walks into view and sits down.

VERONICA:

All right.

DAD:

So what was the first day after

Heather's suicide like?

VERONICA:

I don't know, it was okay, I guess.

MOM:

Terrible thing. So will we get to

meet this dark horse prom contender?

VERONICA:

Maybe.

DAD:

(looking at his cigarette)

Goddamn. Will somebody please tell

me why I smoke these damn things?

VERONICA:

(smiling)

Because you're an idiot.

DAD:

Oh yeah, that's it.

DAD immediately takes another drag with a wide grin.

MOM:

(shaking her head)

You two....

VERONICA:

Greate pate, but I'm going to have

to motor if I want to be ready for

the funeral tomorrow.

INT. HEATHER MCNAMARA'S BEDROOM--DAY

A montage commences showing the HEATHERS preparing for the

funeral. HEATHER MCNAMARA models an all-black outfit in front

of a dressing table mirror. She storms away, pouting.

INT. HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM--DAY

Bobbing up from a fashion magazine whose cover story is

FUNERAL CHIC, HEATHER DUKE finishes applying black lipstick. A

look of horror passes over her face and she savagely scrubs

her lips.

INT. CHURCH--DAY

A MORTICIAN puts the finishing touches on HEATHER CHANDLER,

smoothing out her clothes and buffing her face. He gently

kisses her forehead then quickly rebuffs the spot.

INT. HEATHER MCNAMARA'S BEDROOM--DAY

HEATHER MCNAMARA models another black outfit. She responds

this time with a satisfied smile.

INT. HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM--DAY

Traditionally made up, a smiling HEATHER DUKE brings a

crucifix earring to her ear and attaches it.

INT. CHURCH--DAY

HEATHER CHANDLER serenely lies in a coffin as FATHER RIPPER

bellows off-screen. A panorama of ADULTS and STUDENTS is

revealed at this more social than spiritual event. VERONICA

and J.D. watch from the back pew.

FATHER RIPPER (O.S.)

I blame not Heather but rather a

society that tells its youth that

the answers are on the MTV video

games. We must pray the other

teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio, know

the name of that "righteous dude"

who can solve their problems....

The bald FATHER RIPPER finally comes into view.

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