Heathers Page #3

COURTNEY:

If I got that money, I'd give it

all to the Homeless. Every cent.

VERONICA:

You're beautiful.

THE FOODLESS FUND STAND

PETER reaches into the Foodless Fund Box and takes some bills.

PETER:

Dennis, my man, run over to Mickey

D.'s and get me a Big Mac and some fries.

DENNIS:

But that's the Foodless Fund money.

PETER:

Hey, even Bob Geldof's got to eat.

If it makes you feel better, bag the

fries, and nab yourself an Apple Pie.

CAFETERIA THOROUGHFARE

HEATHER CHANDLER drags VERONICA down a cafeteria lane.

HEATHER CHANDLER

If you're going to openly be a b*tch....

VERONICA:

(submissive)

I'm sorry, it's just why can't we

talk to different kinds of people?

HEATHER CHANDLER

F*** me gently with a chainsaw. Do I

look like Mother Theresa? If I did,

I probably wouldn't mind talking to

the Geek Squad.

She points to a table of unfashionably dressed and coiffed

students. Some wear glasses, some wear braces, some wear

both.

THE GEEKS' TABLE

The GEEKS react to being pointed at. Their boney leader RODNEY

splatters milk over himself.

RODNEY:

Did you see that? Heather Number

One looked right at us.

BIG CYNIC:

It must be love.

CAFETERIA THOROUGHFARE

VERONICA confronts HEATHER CHANDLER.

VERONICA:

Doesn't it bother you that everyone in

the school thinks you're a piranha?

HEATHER CHANDLER

Like I give a sh*t. They all want me,

as a friend or a f***. I'm worshipped

at Westerburg and I'm only a Junior.

VERONICA:

Pretend you're a missionary saving

a colony of cootie victims.

HEATHER CHANDLER

(giving in)

Whatever. I don't believe this. We're

going to a party at Remington University

tonight and we're brushing up our

conversation skills with the

scum of the school.

MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK'S TABLE

Her sweaty lips moving rapidly, MARTHA anxiously reads the

note.

THE GEEKS' TABLE

The nervous GEEKS fidget and roughhouse each other in an

involuntarily immature reaction to their beautiful

interviewers.

GEEK WITH BRACES

No seriously, I'd probably go to

Egypt. With a girl.

BIG CYNIC:

Taking a hooker to the Pyramids on

the last day of Mankind. You

sentimental old fart.

BRACES:

Geez, forget it.

VERONICA:

What about you Rodney?

RODNEY:

(quietly to the others)

I told you she knew my name.

(beat of contemplation)

I'd change my life. New clothes.

New haircut. New house. New home.

HEATHER CHANDLER

How sad! Blowing all your cash on

two days of trying to be hip.

ANOTHER ANGLE:

VERONICA tugs HEATHER CHANDLER away from the table.

VERONICA:

If you're going to openly be a b*tch....

As HEATHER CHANDLER continues to guffaw, VERONICA again

catches sight of the JAMES DEANESQUE GUY. He wraps his fingers

around an egg and unfolds them back. The egg is gone. He

smiles. VERONICA smiles back.

Her trance is broken by a boisterous HEATHER MCNAMARA and

HEATHER DUKE who careen into the two pollsters.

HEATHER MCNAMARA

God, scan on Martha Dumptruck.

POV ON MARTHA:

MARTHA looks up from the note to the JOCKS' table and KURT

KELLY, then flustered, back down at the note.

HEATHER CHANDLER

This is the part I hate. The waiting.

I'd say we're like twenty minutes from

major humiliation. Come on, Veronica.

HEATHER CHANDLER floats off. A disturbed VERONICA takes a

moment to react.

HEATHER CHANDLER

Veronica?

VERONICA follows the leader. She calls out.

VERONICA:

Damn..

EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT--DAY

VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER march into the school parking

lot toward four HEAVY METALERS (one female) hanging out on a

car hood. The girls' conversation is heard in voice-over.

VERONICA (V.O.)

..you Heather. Deep down all teenagers

are the same. Didn't you see The

Breakfast Club?

INT. CAFETERIA--BETTY FINN'S TABLE--DAY

VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER set themselves down with BETTY

FINN and her LOOK-ALIKE FRIENDS.

HEATHER CHANDLER (V.O.)

Look at me. I look great. I'm the girl

in the commercials and the videos.

JOCKS' TABLE

VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER warily stand at the outskirts of

the JOCKS' bastion of vulgarity.

HEATHER CHANDLER (V.O.)

I'm the blonde in the bikini on the

horse holding a Pepsi can.

INT. STONERS' HALLWAY--DAY

In a dark, smoky hallway, VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER cough

toward a batch of STONERS in tattered forms of dress.

HEATHER CHANDLER (V.O.)

I'm the princess being spanked on the

throne by Billy Idol's guitarist's guitar.

INT. THE FOODLESS FUND STAND--DAY

VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER accost PETER DAWSON at the

Foodless Fund stand.

HEATHER CHANDLER (V.O.)

What do I get out of being friends

with losers. I give them a piece of

a winner and they stain me with loserness.

EXT. PARKING LOT--DAY

Heavy Metaler MATT grins.

MATT:

You get five million dollars but

some Martians are going to zap you

in two days. You hear that, Clyde?

That's got to be the most spooky-ass

question I've ever heard.

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