Hedwig and the Angry Inch Page #3

But I gotta

marry you here,

in East Berlin.

And that means a full

physical examination.

They'd see right away

that I have a--

No, baby.

To walk away...

you gotta...

Ieave something

behind.

Am I right,

Mrs Schmidt?

I've always thought so,

Luther.

To be free,

one must give up

a little part of oneself.

And I know just

the doctor to take it.

My sex change operation

got botched

My guardian angel

fell asleep on the watch

Now all I've got

is a Barbie doll crotch

I've got an angry inch

Six inches forward,

five inches back

I got a--

I got an angry inch

Six inches forward

and five inches back

I got a--

I got an angry inch

I'm from the land where you

still hear the cries

I had to get out,

had to sever all ties

I changed my name

and assumed a disguise

I got an angry inch

Six inches forward,

five inches back

I got a--

I got an angry inch

Six inches forward,

five inches back

I got a--

I got an angry inch

Six inches forward,

five inches back

The train is coming

and I'm tied to the track

I try to get up,

I can't get no slack

I got an angry inch,

angry inch

My mother made my tits

out of clay

My boyfriend told me

that he'd take me away

He dragged me

to the doctor one day

I've got an angry inch

Six inches forward,

five inches back

I got a motherfucking

angry inch

Six inches forward,

five inches back

I got a--

I got an angry inch

Long story short.

Yeah, long story short--

when I woke up

from the operation,

I was bleeding

down there.

I was bleeding from the gash

between my legs.

It's my first day

as a woman,

already it's that time

of the month.

But two days later,

the hole closed up.

The wound healed

and I was left...

With a one-inch

mound of flesh

Where my penis used to be,

where my vagina never was

It was a one-inch

mound of flesh

With a scar running down it

like a sideways grimace

On an eyeless face

df

- It was just a little bulge.

- F*ggot!

It was an angry inch

Six inches forward,

five inches back

The train is coming

and I'm tied to the track

I try to get up,

I can't get no slack

I got an angry inch,

angry--

Six inches forward,

five inches back

Stay undercover till

the night turns to black

I got my inch,

I'm set to attack

I got an angry inch,

angry inch

Six inches forward,

five inches back

Stay undercover till

the night turns to black

I got my inch,

I'm set to attack

I got an angry inch,

angry inch

Six inches forward

and five inches back

The train is coming

and I'm tied to the track

I try to get up,

I can't get no slack

I got an angry inch,

angry inch

e

s

f

...champagne

flowing freely...

...all border crossings

are reported to be wide open, and thousands are flooding

into the western half

of the city

to celebrate

their newfound freedom.

The Berlin Wall

has fallen,

and the world

will never be the same.

The Germans

are a patient people,

and good things come

to those who wait.

s

On nights

Like this

When the world's

a bit amiss

d

And the lights go down

across the trailer park

c

I get down

I feel had

Feel on the verge

of going mad

d

Then it's time

to punch the clock

d

I put on some makeup

Turn on the tape deck

And put the wig

back on my head

Suddenly I'm Miss Midwest

Midnight checkout queen

d

Until I head home

And I put myself

to bed

I look back

on where I'm from

d

Look at the woman

I've become

And the strangest things

seem suddenly routine

I look up from my vermouth

on the rocks

A gift-wrapped wig

still in the box

Of towering Velveteen

I put on some makeup

Some Lavern Baker

I'm pulling the wig

down from the shelf

Suddenly I'm

Miss Beehive 1963

d

Until I wake up

and I turn back to myself

d

Some girls

they got natural ease

They wear it

any way they please

With their

French flip curls

And perfumed

magazines

Wear it up

Let it down

This is the best way

that I've found

To be the best

you've ever seen

I put on

some makeup

Turn on

the eight-track

I'm pulling the wig

down from the shelf

Suddenly I'm

Miss Farrah Fawcett from TV

e

Until I wake up

And I turn back

to myself

Shag, bi-level, bob,

Dorothy Hamill do

Sausage curls,

chicken wings

It's all because

of you

With your blow-dried

feather back

Toni Home Wave, too

Flip, 'fro, frizz, flop

It's all because

of you

It's all because

of you

It's all because

of you

Okay, everybody!

d

z

g

Suddenly I'm

this punk rock star

Of stage and screen

And I ain't never

I'm never turning back

When the Earth

was still flat

And clouds

made of fire

The mountains

stretched

Up to the sky,

sometimes higher...

I am so sorry.

I was waiting

for the phone company.

God, is that

his new single?

Don't do it, sweetie!

Please don't say

anything to him today.

If you do,

he's got the power,

know what I mean?

He's got the power!

All we need is a snapshot,

then they'll know that you were responsible

for some of the biggest hits of the millennium,

and you will be

so f***ing rich!

Damn it, looks like

the photographer's already inside.

Everybody,

stay right here.

Hedwig, Hedwig,

Hedwig...

f

please don't

say anything.

Let me handle it.

- Phyllis Stein party.

- Who are you with?

We're A&R from A&M.

Actually, this is

a private event.

I'm sorry.

- Private event?

- Mm-hmm.

As in, "You're not

on the list."

As in,

"Find it."

I'm looking,

and you know what?

It's not here.

- Justin!

- Get out of my f***ing way!

Settle down.

- I could have your job!

- I don't think you could.

- B*tches!

- Where's my f***ing brooch?

We're going to continue

to shadow Tommy's tour.

We're going to squeeze

the local press.

I do not want to blow our wad

on my E! channel contact

until we get to New York.

It's all about

New York.

Honey, I've thought

about it,

I think it's a bad idea,

this photo-op.

It was your idea.

I'm second-guessing

myself now. I think...

I don't think

you should have

any personal contact

with Tommy.

- I guess we disagree.

- Honey, we do disagree,

- but please listen.

- Did you--

excuse me, did you put

a bra in a dryer?

What?

Did you put a bra

in a dryer?!

Yes.

How many times

do I have to tell you?

You don't put a bra

in a dryer!

It warps!

Hedwig, please,

it's a bra.

You can have

one of mine. Please!

s

f

You know,

ladies and gentlemen,

the road is my home.

- My home, the road.

- Hear, hear.

And when I think

about all the people I have come upon

in my travels,

I have to think

about the people

who have come

upon me.

Tommy, can you

hear me?

From this milkless tit,

you sucked

the very business

we call show!

Okay.

You wanna know

about Tommy Gnosis?

Yeah!

Okay, I'll tell you

about Tommy Gnosis.

After my divorce,

I scraped by

with babysitting gigs

and odd jobs--

mostly the jobs

we call "blow."

I had lost my job

at the base PX,

and I had lost

my gag reflex.

You do the math.

I sat for the baby

of General Speck.

He was the commander

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