Hello Ladies: The Movie Page #3

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but organized religion, man, not for me.

But I am very spiritual.

- I just feel like everything happens

for a reason. - Oh.

- Yeah.

- Even this party happened for a reason?

- Yeah.

- Well, what about something like 9/11?

No. No, not 9/11.

9/11 didn't even happen

the way they said it did.

There's a whole YouTube

video on it. It's amazing.

Speaking of YouTube, have you seen the

video of the pig waking up from a dream?

- No, I don't think so.

- Amazing.

Glenn, sorry to interrupt.

I broke the touch barrier, what was next?

Sexualize the conversation.

How do I do that exactly?

Just find a subtle way to

bring sex into the equation.

Pardon me.

Oh, yeah.

Don't you just love the ocean?

Yes, I do.

Very much.

Did you know that Bryan Adams can

make a woman come in 30 seconds?

- What?

- Sorry, it's just something I heard.

- How? - It's all to do with

the fingers, apparently.

Tell me more.

- I love your hair.

- Hmm.

- May I touch it?

- Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

It's beautiful.

These layers are so smooth and silky.

Okay. Thank you.

- So... so nice talking with you.

- You, too.

- Yeah.

- Hey, let me get your digis.

- Um...

- Yeah, we should keep conversing.

- This is amazing.

- Ooh.

You know what? Why don't you

just pop it right in here?

Sure.

- There you go.

- Thank you.

And I'll call you right now

just so you have my number.

- Oh, no. That's not necessary.

- It's easier.

Eh, you don't need to do that.

And then this one's sort of

doing a come-hither motion.

And then you sort of combine...

sorry, excuse me one sec.

- Hello?

- Well, that's weird.

Just called England.

Ugh, Verizon, right?

Well, you have my number,

- so, yeah.

- Okay.

If I ever meet the person

who invented high heels,

I'm taking them outside and shooting them.

Oh, yeah, definitely. F***ing fascist.

Yup, gotta stay hydrated.

Cheers to that.

Super.

Ugh.

- You know, if you want to kiss me, you can.

- Pardon?

If you want to kiss me, you can.

I would like to. Please.

- Let me finish this e-mail.

- Oh, yeah, sure.

- Ready now?

- Yes.

I need somebody

Somebody like you

Everybody needs somebody

Oh, yeah

I need somebody

Hey, what about you?

We all need somebody...

We made out for 20 minutes.

Oh, just a little FYI...

Russian models kiss just like you and I.

You know your kids are gonna be bilingual?

She was probably feeling seasick.

There's no way that you

see this girl on dry land.

Wrong again because I asked her,

"Would you like to double-date

when Mike and Trudy come into town?"

- And she said, "Da."

- Yeah.

- Wait, what does that mean?

- It means yes in Russian.

Whoa, yes.

You found your

model. This is great.

Thanks, yeah.

By the way, on the subject of dating,

why do I keep getting calls

from a bloke asking you out?

Oh, yeah. Pig dream. Oh, he was cute.

I don't have time to waste on the

wrong guy who's not gonna be the one.

- I think we would've been happier

in the Middle Ages. -

'Cause in those days, you didn't go on

multiple dates looking for the one, you know?

You just married the only person

in the village who was single

and hadn't died of plague yet.

- You know?

- Yeah.

Impressive combat report, Lieutenant.

No wonder Cutter depends on you.

How much are they paying you

to betray your country, McAdams?

Oh, my God. Well, I can't believe my luck.

Is this that film you did?

What's it called, "White Venom"?

No, it's "White Venom 2: Cutter's Revenge."

Oh, yeah. Of course.

Where is Frank Cutter?

He's somewhere in between

f*** you and go f*** yourself.

- I don't want to watch this.

- Oh, no, come on. It's good.

- Turn it off. No, it's stupid. Turn it off.

- No, it's good.

- Is this the scene where you get

your b*obs out? - No, stop it.

- It is, isn't it?

- Just turn it off. Turn it off.

- Come on, stop it.

- I can't believe it.

- I can't believe it.

- Come on.

Stop. Please.

- No.

- No.

Ah!

Well done, madam.

I can see why Lieutenant

Cutter admires you so much.

Shut up.

I told Carol you were

thinking about making a career switch

and it might be a good

idea for you two to sit down

and talk about some potential

openings that we have here.

Thank you so much for seeing me.

- Yeah, Wade's been singing your praises.

- Aww.

Well, first off, your previous employment.

Yes, um, actress.

And before that?

Uh, for a while,

I worked in information distribution.

- Mm.

- And what is information distribution?

It is...

the delivery...

of news...

in paper form

to consumers of all ages.

- You delivered newspapers?

- Yes, I did.

And I could ride my

bike faster than anyone.

Um, what about any special skills?

Uh, well, fencing.

Um, tap dancing.

Pretty good at that one.

And juggling...

I'm great at.

Uh, our most likely position

is in the call center.

So I'm not sure any of those

skills would really apply.

Well, I'm sure I would be juggling calls.

Right?

Put down "sense of humor" on that.

- Good energy.

- Yeah.

Um, can you talk about your,

um, educational background?

The usual.

High school diploma, et cetera.

Okay.

High school diploma.

Bachelor's degree in what?

Hmm?

I can't believe that I am

renting to a college dropout.

A lot of really successful

people dropped out of college.

Yeah, did they? Name three.

- Bill Gates.

- Right, yeah, Gates, yeah.

- The Facebook guy.

- The Facebook guy, right.

- What's his name?

- Jesse Eisenberg.

Sure.

And the Olsen twins, so that's four.

- I stand corrected.

- Mm-hmm.

All right, well, we'll deal with

your career crisis another time, okay?

'Cause I've got my guests

arriving any second,

so if you don't mind skedaddling

back to the guesthouse.

Well, I hope it goes well.

I might have a little trouble paying the

rent this month, but have a fun night.

- What's that? Pardon me?

- Hmm?

- What did you say?

- Oh, I said have a fun night.

No, before that.

I might be a little behind on

the rent while I'm finding myself.

- This is not over.

- Okay.

- Where should I hide? Where should I go?

- What?

- Where should I hide?

- You don't need to hide. It's fine.

Just do that little thing

that we talked about.

Oh, I got you.

- Welcome to Hollywood.

- Hi.

- Hey.

- It's been such a long time.

- I know. Great to see you. You look

wonderful. - Thank you.

There he is. Bloody

hell, you're still tall.

- I am, I am.

- F*** me.

Hey.

- How are you?

- Me, I'm great.

- Yeah?

- I'm great, thank you, yeah.

What can I say? Living the dream, you know?

Wake up every day, the sun's shining.

See, I think I'd get bored of that.

I'd miss the seasons too much.

And I'd be worried about the skin cancer.

Uh, glass of champagne?

- Oh, please.

- There we are.

Actually, I'd prefer a beer,

mate, if you've got one.

Okay, um, Budweiser okay?

Have you got any British beers?

Newcastle Brown Ale?

Nah, I'd love that Budweiser.

Okay.

- Here we go.

- Cheers.

Hi, I'm Rory, Stuart's

assistant. Sorry to interrupt.

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