Hello Ladies: The Movie Page #5

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But all of my granddaughter's

friends are super hot.

- Here we are. Champagne.

- Thank you.

- All free of charge.

- Ooh, yeah.

Hey, I was just saying to Jessica

that this party must have

cost more than our wedding.

Yeah, but only because we got a discount.

My brother's a catering manager

at a Holiday Inn Express.

- Oh.

- Oh, my God.

Is that Nicole Kidman?

- It's Nicole Kidman.

She's so talented. - Yes.

Yes, she is. Yes, she is. And, you

know, just charming and down-to-earth.

Wait, you know Nicole Kidman?

Oh, you know, we're in the same circles.

She's more my friend than yours.

- Well, we're always arguing about that.

- Yeah.

I love her films.

Is there any way that

you could introduce us?

I would literally die if I met her.

- No, I don't want to bother her.

- Stuart, could you?

I'm worried that she'll feel

like an animal in a zoo, you know?

- Yeah.

- Showing her off.

I'm sorry, mate, what's the point

of being friends with someone

if you can't introduce

them to other people?

Fair point. Yeah.

I'll go and say hi.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Hey. Hey, Nicole.

Hi. Don't be alarmed, you're not in danger.

This is weird. When I was a kid,

I really wasn't very good with girls

and I could certainly never get with

girls, you know, as beautiful as you.

And then when I was older, I managed

to get this great girlfriend Trudy

and she got stolen away

by this complete ball bag,

um, Mike, and both of them are

here now tonight over there.

I'm trying to impress them.

Just wondering if there's any

chance you could do me a favor?

Mm, what's the favor?

What about if you just

pretend that you knew me

and, you know, pretend we're having a

conversation and maybe you're laughing.

- All right, sure.

- Okay.

I don't know what that was.

I know you're an actress, but

that seemed a bit, kind of, eh.

Maybe a bit more lively? And we're

laughing, Nicole, we're laughing.

Don't overdo it. Don't overdo it.

And is there any chance that I

could just bring them over here

- and just say hi?

- Sure.

- Is that okay?

- Yeah.

- Are you doing an Australian accent?

- No, this is how I speak.

That's how you speak. Okay, I've

never seen any of your films.

- Oh.

- Guys, over you come.

- Thank you so much. Thank you.

- Yeah.

This is Mike. This is Trudy.

- And, of course, you know Jessica.

- Hey, Nicole.

And I have to say Trudy

is maybe your biggest fan.

- Oh, really?

- It's a pleasure to meet you.

- Oh, that's so nice.

- I'm an even bigger fan.

- Nice to meet you, too.

- Wow.

Handshake bonus.

We are gonna get out of your hair now,

but listen, I think you should give

me a call. I think you owe me lunch.

- And I want that dress back, you.

- Okay.

- All right, see you later. Thank you.

- Bye-bye.

Oh, what about that? What about that?

I'm shaking. I can't

believe that just happened.

- Wow.

- Yeah, yeah.

Sh*t. Mike, we should've got a picture.

Stuart, can you ask her if

we can get a picture with her?

You don't need a picture, do you?

- I think the memories are better.

- Yeah.

Oh, no. It would blow everyone's

mind back home if I had a picture.

Will it?

Nicole.

- Thank you so much for doing it.

Sorry again. - You're welcome.

I just... the only thing is...

Nicole, the only thing is

they're asking for a photograph.

- Oh.

- Yeah.

If I do a photo, then other people

might ask and I just want to be low-key.

I understand. I understand completely.

- Yeah.

- Great.

What if I gave you $30?

I don't think so.

40? $40? And that's tax-free.

I mean, the tax man doesn't

need to know about that.

- That's cash in hand.

- I just...

I'm at a party and I... I

mean, if I do a photograph,

- then maybe... - You can take

one picture and I can just say,

"There's no more pictures." Then they know.

Go get them. Let's do the photo.

- Hey.

- Good.

What a souvenir this

will be to take back home.

- Oh, thank you.

- There we go. All right.

- All right. Good. Thank you.

- Thank you.

- I can't believe you're friends with

Stuart. - I know, it does seem crazy.

- But true.

- How do you guys know each other?

They used to date.

Wow. Really?

- Didn't we?

- Yeah.

- Yup.

- Wow.

We'll never understand

why you chose me over her.

- I mean, you are beautiful.

- Yes.

Well, it all worked out

for everyone in the end.

In the end. In the end. But it was pretty

rough back there for you, wasn't it?

She got pretty emotional.

It was difficult and I

apologize still for that.

- I got over it, though.

- You did. She did.

Eventually, but there was

a lot of tears and, uh...

No, I got over it. And now I look back

and I'm like, "What was I thinking?"

Yeah, we weren't... she's right.

- I mean...

- We weren't really right together.

We weren't really right

together. Except in the bedroom.

Then things were pretty crazy.

- Honestly, the redheaded woman

will go berserk. - No, no, no.

- It never got that far.

- Got the flamed hair.

- No, no. - It didn't go that far.

It never got to the bedroom.

No, it was just clothes off in

the kitchen and we...

- I'm gonna say good-bye now.

- Yeah.

- Thank you very much, yes.

- Bye.

Buh-bye. Buh-bye. Buh-bye.

Oh, Christ.

Probably gonna get a call from

her later begging me to come over.

You and Stuart seem like the perfect match.

Oh, cool. Thanks.

I know you're not supposed to

think about what might have been,

but, you know, I see him with that

house and all these fancy friends

and, oh, it just makes you think.

- Sorry, I hope I'm not being too...

- Oh, no, no, no, no.

It's fine. Honestly, I'm sure

he'd love to hear you say that.

Bloody hell, mate.

The women in your world, I don't

know how you get anything done.

Yeah, it is tricky.

And this is not even one

of Alan's best parties.

- Honestly, I'd only give this C-plus.

- A "C-plus"?

Yeah, and that's just 'cause I like Alan.

Well, I've got to come

back out here sometime.

Do you wanna swap lives for a week?

I can shag supermodels and you

could do I.T. sales in Wolverhampton.

- Isn't it so pretty?

- It's gorgeous.

- What's that?

- Here you go, darling.

Thanks.

- You look cold.

- Oh, yeah, a little.

- There you are.

- Aww, thank you.

Hey, cheers for this, guys.

- Hey, you're welcome. Of course, yeah.

- Thank you.

You've made it.

There's a girl

that's been on my mind

All the time

Su-Su-Sussudio

Oh.

Oh, oh...

Wait, wait, wait. They were fooled, right?

- We're not celebrating unduly?

- We definitely fooled them.

Are you kidding? They absolutely

thought we were madly in love.

- I could tell.

- Well, I'm not a trained actor,

but it's not hard faking

being in love with you

when you're looking this beautiful.

See, if you said stuff like that

on real dates, you would be fine.

I'm not this relaxed on

real dates, though, you know?

It's just so much easier

having a fake girlfriend.

Why am I only discovering this now?

I could have had a fake

girlfriend all through school.

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