Hello Ladies: The Movie Page #7

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I think there's also

something else, you know?

There's an ease. I'm relaxed around her.

I'm not trying so hard. I'm

not going into my shtick.

- Yeah.

- And she saw your tiny penis.

My penis is of normal size, all right?

- I will put it up against any man's.

- Wouldn't be the first time.

Don't cheapen what I've got here, please.

- Kives.

- Yeah, right?

So what was the first kiss like?

Was it like falling into a warm bath?

Yeah. It was a little bit, yeah.

- I am so excited about this.

- You need to calm down.

Oh, no. It's romance.

This is a delicate matter.

The truth is, bro,

I've sort of developed

feelings for Jessica.

Which I did act upon

last eve.

You mean you f***ed her?

I wouldn't put it like that.

No, I would say that we, um,

intercoursed...

sexually.

I assumed you were f***ing her already.

Me, no. No.

Well, thanks for not calling last eve.

'Cause I was with...

that.

Oh.

She used to do porn.

She used to...

- Do porn.

- Porn.

I thought you said porn.

Good for her.

Knock, knock. Hey.

I got you a little gift.

Um, just to help you with

your college application.

- Oh, thank you.

- Of course.

That's so sweet.

Good.

And, uh, also,

in other news, um,

I have been thinking...

I think we should start dating.

Yeah, I spoke to Glenn. He's cool with it.

He's already having sex with a porn star.

And, you know, we get on well.

We got a good rapport, you know?

We sort of basically hang

out all the time anyway.

And, you know, we've made love.

And that seemed to go well.

I'm not saying there's not

improvements to be made, you know?

I got a few ideas for next time.

But, you know, I really like

you, I think you would like me.

It's just... why not?

Um...

wow, that's a lot to absorb.

Yes, sorry. I got a bit gabbley

because I was nervous, but...

I mean, what do you think?

Um...

You know, Stuart,

last night was not

something I was expecting

or even thinking about.

And I had fun. I did.

Um... but I don't really think now

is a good time for me

to be in a relationship.

I just have so much sh*t

in my life to figure out.

Absolutely. No, I'm saying I can

help you with that sh*t, you know?

And we can take it slow

and maybe just start with a first date.

I just... I really wanna

figure out this college thing

and I don't really think

I'm in the right head space to date anyone.

Is it okay if we just stay friends for now?

Of course, yes, totally.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I didn't

want this to seem heavy or anything.

I just... yeah, I just

thought I'd put it out there.

But, yeah, absolutely.

- I will let you get back to your work.

- Okay.

And, uh, see you around.

All right, I'll see you around.

Main thing is the

friendship's still there.

Yeah, that's the thing I

was most worried about jeopardizing,

- the friendship.

- And she didn't say never.

Yeah, I think it's just about

giving her enough time to,

- you know, get her head together.

- Yeah.

I think the bedrock to

any great relationship

is the friendship.

And you just water it and

make sure it gets enough sun

and it's gonna blossom.

- You think so?

- I know so.

Well, I hope so.

Your friend's right.

Yeah.

Sorry, I was eavesdropping.

- Which is... that's rude.

- No. No, not at all.

You know what? I eavesdrop all the time.

- It's all right.

I don't usually just sit at bars

listening to strangers' conversations,

I just, um, I'm locked out of my building

and I'm waiting for my sister

to bring the extra key, so...

- That happened to me once.

You know what I did? - Hmm?

I buried a spare key in my front yard.

How did you remember where it was, though?

It's under the only yellow flower.

- Shh.

- Shh.

- That's a good idea.

- It is, right?

I'm gonna steal that. The idea.

- Not my key, though.

- Not your key, though.

The idea. Just the idea.

- Hey, by any chance do you live alone?

- Um, yeah, I do.

Have you ever thought

about what you would do

if you fell over and hurt yourself

and couldn't call for help?

- Every day.

- You know, me and my buddy Stuart here,

we started a system.

I text him AG, means all good,

every two hours so he knows I'm okay.

He doesn't get that

text, he sends some help.

Can I get in on that or...

- Oh, definitely. Let me get your number.

- Okay.

Listen, I, uh, I just

remembered I gotta take off.

- Oh, okay.

- Yeah.

No, no, you stay. Please.

Look after this lady. Wait

for her sister to get here.

- He never leaves a damsel in distress.

- Yeah.

- Gentleman. All right, thanks for talking.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I'll see you soon. Nice to meet you.

- Bye.

See ya, buddy.

- Well, I'm gonna scooch on over.

- Yeah, scooch down here.

- I'm Wade, by the way.

- Kate. Hi.

- Kate, nice to meet you.

- You, too.

- Um, so here's a good question...

- Yeah.

...um, let's say you

can only have three items

- in your earthquake kit, right?

- Mm.

- What do you choose?

- One, flashlight. Two, iodine tablets.

- Three, whistle.

- Whistle.

Yeah.

- This is weird.

- It's so weird.

- To whistles.

- To whistles.

To whistles.

- So how long have you been in this area?

- About five years.

- Oh, okay. - Yeah, I looked it up

and they have a really low crime rate.

It's the lowest. It's the lowest.

- It's like tri-county.

- Exactly.

- Tri-county.

- We must have read the same website.

I'm sure we did. I'm sure we did.

- Sorry, did you want to watch something

else or... - Oh, no. This is good.

- This is all right?

- Yeah.

That's it. I've got to say something.

We've been working for three hours here

and you haven't said anything

about my new hairstyle.

Oh, sorry, mate.

It looks good. It does.

Thank you. That's all I wanted to hear.

Stuart.

Stuart.

- What's wrong? Everything all right?

- No.

I was working on my college

application because it's due tomorrow

and my computer froze and I

think I just lost my entire essay.

And I don't think I saved it

the last time I went through it

and I don't know what to do.

Calm down, calm down. It's all right.

I'll take a look at it.

It is completely frozen.

I didn't do anything.

I think you got

some corrupted files.

Do you think you can get my work back?

Hopefully.

I saw you going into that new

bar on Sunset the other night.

Oh.

Yeah.

Just had a drink there.

Was it a date?

Um...

yeah, kind of.

So when you said you weren't

in the right space to...

to be dating, what you meant

was you don't want to date me.

Stuart, I'm sorry.

I wasn't asking you to marry me, you know?

I just said come out on one date.

Why did you not give me that?

It's not you.

I just have, like...

You know, I...

I just need to know...

why you don't want to date me.

- Stuart.

- I'm getting too old to keep f***ing up.

Please.

You're a really good guy.

You are.

But honestly, I...

I think

that you're just competing

with the past, you know?

And I can't get involved with someone...

who's 35 and...

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