Hit and Run Page #3

this car is tits.

It sounds like

it's gonna break.

No, it does not sound

like it's gonna break.

It sounds like

it has 700 horsepower.

Believe me,

all dudes love

how this car sounds.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

I'm in a 700

horsepower dude lure?

That's right.

Apologies.

I had no idea.

You definitely told me

this car was broken.

It was when I was

talking about turning the

shed into a craft room.

Yeah?

Yeah.

So, why did you say that?

Why did I say that?

Holy shnikes,

look at this.

There's a parrot

driving this car.

Uh-huh.

A driving parrot!

Oh, man!

I'm gonna be rich!

I found the only

driving parrot!

I was hiding it

in the shed

'cause you're

not supposed to

bring anything with you.

I mean,

especially not a car.

But I spent a year and

a half building this

thing with my dad

and I didn't want to

just not have it anymore.

You wanted to

bring it because you

built it with your dad?

Yeah.

We weren't the

hottest communicators,

but we kind of

worked well together.

So he was into

off-road racing and

we did that together.

And then he was

into building old cars

and we did that.

I think it's sweet.

I want a burger.

Mmm! I want a burger too.

Let's get some beef!

Let's get some

beef up in us.

ANGELLA:
What are you doing?

TERRY:
I'm on my Pouncer app.

Yeah.

I understand it's an app.

I'm saying when you

hit the Pouncer app

what happens?

I hit Pouncer.

And it sends out my

exact location on this map.

And then I can see

who else has Pouncer

on the same exact map.

And I can chat with

them in real time.

And be like,

"Hey! Where are you?

What's going on?"

Oh.

You're the only one on here.

Yeah.

Well, we're in the

middle of nowhere.

There's no gays.

Have you used it

in another city?

Oh, my God.

Airports. Vegas.

You know.

Austin lights up like

a f***ing Christmas tree.

Ten feet away.

Zero feet away.

Guys wanting to hook up.

For coffee? Or like...

No. To f***.

Or hand jobs or blowj*bs

or kissing. Whatever.

So wait, then like,

you just hit a button

and within five minutes

you and a stranger,

having sex?

Or having hand jobs?

I mean,

that's not the

intention of the app.

I think the intention

of the app is to see who's

straight and who's gay.

Like for you,

you're straight

so it's safe to assume

that you can

hit on anyone

or flirt with them.

And then I do that,

what happens?

Victim of a hate crime.

Yeah. Not cool.

(PHONE VIBRATING)

Not cool at all.

Oh, Gil.

(SIGHS) What?

Hey! Did you

change your mind?

It doesn't work

like that, Gil.

I can't have him

tailed or brought in.

He hasn't done anything.

I'm telling you, the guy

is a f***ing Ted Bundy.

Okay, Terry?

He's probably going

to murder her and do

kinky sh*t to her body!

And that's

gonna be on you!

You're supposed to

be a f***ing cop!

I am a f***ing cop, Gil!

I don't need

you telling me

how to be a cop.

I know what I'm

f***ing doing, okay?

You know what?

You still owe me 1,700 bucks!

Are you f***ing

kidding me right now?

I got you

out of that DUI.

That report said

you soiled yourself, Gil.

Like a f***ing

homeless man!

You evacuated.

You sh*t your pants.

I fixed that!

Okay, Gil? Me!

Fine.

Forget the 1,700 bucks.

Just do it because

you're my brother. Okay?

Fine. What's the

plate number?

Thank you.

Uh, Galactica,

Libra, eight, seven, nine.

The plate's been

expired for three years.

And it's not

even in his name.

What's the name?

Who is it registered to?

Yul Perrkins.

Yul Perrkins?

Yeah.

Oh, my God! I bet

that's his real name!

Yul!

I've got to go.

I'll see you Sunday.

Thanks, Terry!

Yul Perrkins.

"Thirty-one year-old

Yul Perrkins will be

the key witness

"in the state's case

against Alexander

Dmitri and Noel Hodges.

"Three suspects are

accused of robbing

"First National Bank

in late August." You f***.

"They have been awaiting

trial for six months

"while the state

finalized the plea

bargain with Perrkins."

Alexander Dmitri.

For the next 24 hours

I know where Yul Perrkins is.

CHARLES:
They're saying

the Iraqi dinar

is gonna go to the value

of the Kuwait dollar.

ANNIE:
What are you talking

about? Iraqi dinar?

It's trading at 1000

dinar per U.S. dollar.

(PHONE VIBRATING)

Oh, sh*t. It's Randy.

Hold on one second.

Hey. Where are y?

I picked somethig

up for you.

A new bowling ball.

Well, I was just thinking.

You're a really good bowler,

like naturally.

You're too good to

be using one of those

pitted-out house balls.

(CHUCKLES) That was

really nice of you.

Thanks, Randy.

So when are you

going to be back?

Um, well...

Here's the thing.

Annie got a really great

job opportunity in L.A.

So I'm gonna go

ahead and go with her.

What? Are you

f***ing kidding ?

You know you

can't leave Milton!

You cannot leave Milto!

Well, I know

it's not advised,

but technically

I think I can leave.

Listen, if you do leave

you have to have a marshal

with you at all times

in case something happens!

And if something happens

to you, I am f***ing fired!

Hey, look. I'm sorry.

I'm not trying to

get you fired, okay?

I'm leaving

witness protection.

So I'm no longer

your responsibility.

I mean, I think

I can leave. No?

You can leave.

But there's a whole process.

You've got to

fill out forms and sh*t.

Okay.

Where are you right now?

Just stay right

where you're at

and I'm coming to you.

No. No. Listen. Randy.

I've got to get her

to this interview.

I would have told

you I was leaving

but this whole thing

happened really fast.

And I'm sorry.

I'm on my way.

What's your 20?

I'm gonna call you

when we get to L.A. Okay?

Nothing's gonna happen to me.

You just stay there.

What the f***?

Randy? I got to go, okay?

Stay there! I'm comi.

F***! All right...

Okay, you know what?

Randy's hell bent

on protecting me.

And I think that could

be very dangerous for us.

We should get on the road.

Okay.

Hey, chief,

is this your car?

Yeah, man.

You shouldn't touch.

Oh. It's so nice.

Thanks.

I bet this

thing's got nitrous.

This got nitrous?

No. Nitrous is for fags.

It's got cubic inches.

Cubic inches.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(LAUGHING)

Did you just say "fags"?

Yeah.

But not in, like,

a homophobic way.

I used it

in place of "lame."

Why wouldn't

you just say "lame"?

Well, same reason

I say "f***"

instead of "frick."

It packs more punch.

It's basically the swear

word version of lame.

No. It's not.

It's a hate word used

to perpetuate homophobia.

It's used to

marginalize gay people.

You're acting like

you don't know me.

I voted to

legalize civil unions.

When I had friends,

I had a lot of gay friends.

Then you shouldn't say "fag."

I don't!

I don't use it in reference

to actual people.

I mean especially

homosexual people.

So then,

that makes it okay?

Yeah, I think so.

I mean morally,

I feel fine about it.

So as long as it's not

in reference to a person,

it's all right?

Like if I wanted

to start calling

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