Hit and Run Page #4

my purse the N word.

"Honey, have you

seen my N word?

"I can't find my N word

anywhere. And it's the

expensive one."

Okay. I will

work on it.

Thank you.

Are you f***ing

kidding me?

No. I'm not.

No, no.

Your ex-boyfriend

is behind us.

Gil is tailing us.

Oh, my God.

What the f*** is he doing?

You know what?

I'm going to put a stop

to this right now.

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna pull

him out of the car and

beat the sh*t out of him.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

You're not doing that!

That's not how

you solve things.

That's exactly

how you handle this.

Especially with

a turd like Gil.

I'm sorry. Which one of us

has a doctorate in

conflict resolution?

'Cause I think it's me.

Listen. I respect

your degree. I do.

But it's not how

we're getting out

of this situation, okay?

We don't have time

to bring in a mediator.

Charlie, I am not

going to live with

a man who says "fag"

and beats up guys

on the side of the road.

I'm not gonna teach

non-violence

at a university

and then marry

Dog the bounty hunter!

I won't do it!

(FUNK MUSIC

PLAYING ON RADIO)

What are you doing, Gil?

Protecting someone I love.

What are you doing,

Yul Perrkins?

I don't know

how you know that name,

but if you say

it out loud again,

I swear to God...

"Yul" do what?

I love Annie.

Enough to move back

to L.A. for her where

I might get killed.

I love her so much

that I'm not beating

your f***ing head

against the ground right now

because she asked me not to.

But if you do

something that results

in her leaving me,

I'm going to

beat you to death.

I'm literally gonna beat

you to f***ing death, Gil.

Do you understand that?

That name stays

between you and I.

(CHUCKLES)

You know we have

a mutual friend?

I mean, technically

he's a Facebook friend,

which is obviously

less significant than

a real friendship

but still kind of cool.

Alex Dmitri.

You know him?

Alex Dmitri?

I got you.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

What did he say?

Is he going home?

Nope. No, he's going

to follow us

all the way to L.A.

(SIGHS)

So how do you

want to handle this?

Well, sweetie,

if you're not gonna

let me kick his ass,

then you're gonna have

to let me run from him.

Okay.

I'm proud of you.

Thank you.

I'm sure I'll get there.

Yul!

(ENGINE STARTS)

Yul Perrkins!

What is he saying?

(ENGINE REVVING)

Oh, who gives a sh*t?

This is probably gonna

get pretty f***ing radical.

But I don't want you

to get scared, okay?

I raced all growing up

and I even drove

professionally for a while.

Okay.

I trust you.

(SOUL MUSIC PLAYING)

GIL:
Annie, hey!

This is Gil!

I'm following you, okay?

If he goes all psycho

and sh*t on you

give me some kind

of hand signal. Okay?

(LAUGHING)

CHARLES:
Hold on!

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

Oh!

Oh, sh*t! Oh!

(GUN FIRING)

Oh!

Stop! Stop!

Oh, God. Stop!

Holy sh*t!

I think that was Randy!

Bye, Gil.

Oh, my God.

Hey! Randy?

Randy, are you okay, man?

No! I'm not

f***ing okay, Charlie!

I'm in the

middle of a field

that you ran me into!

And my gun

started going off, man!

No! I am not okay!

Hey! I'm sorry!

And I don't want

to be a dick,

but you didn't

have to jump your van

onto that field, man.

I got back in my lane

with plenty of time.

Bullshit! I know time.

We would have had

a f***ing head-on collision!

Okay. You know what?

You're clearly shaken up.

And apparently

you had another incident

with your firearm.

And I think you're

being a little defensive.

I just pulled over

to see if you're okay.

All right?

I am not defensive!

Are you shitting me?

What have I got

to be defending? Huh?

Nothing to defend!

You ran me off the road!

My gun went off

'cause of you,

almost killing me!

Hey, Randy?

Are you

really all right?

I am okay. I am okay.

How are you doing?

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Do you want me to

call you a tow truck?

Obviously I have

a f***ing cell phone!

I was in the

middle of a call when

you wrecked me! Okay?

Okay. Well,

you know what...

Wait, Charlie!

Don't go! Don't go, please!

Listen, I'm sorry.

I'm just a little embarrassed.

Don't go, okay?

'Cause I'll just

have to chase you.

I know you will, Randy.

But will you please be

a little more careful?

I mean,

it really worries me

when I look behind me

and I see your

van is airborne.

Charlie?

Bye, Randy!

Oh! Hey! Congratulations

on the new job!

Thanks!

when they could shop and

get whatever they wanted?

NEVE:
That's a good idea!

Oh, hey.

Leave a pit by itself

right in front of a store.

Well he's not a killer.

Look at that face.

That's what they all say.

Until they need stitches.

Like those

crazy b*tches

that live with tigers?

What? What are

you talking about?

About the women

who get pet tigers

and then get eaten?

Oh. Oh. Oh, yeah!

You ain't ever gonna

catch no black b*tches

living with no tiger.

That's some

white girl sh*t.

She hates

white b*tches, right?

We don't like white

b*tches either, do we?

You'll never catch me

doing some sh*t like that.

Yeah? I live with a tiger

and I ain't no white b*tch.

Oh, really?

No.

I'm a tiger?

Yes, ma'am.

Just the water?

I don't think we have the

right cookware for that...

Just the water?

Yeah! Mmm-hmm.

That'll be $1.69.

(PHONE RINGING)

Oh, just a sec.

Hi, boss.

What's up?

Gonna have

a hell of a meal.

Well, the dog

food's not for me.

(LAUGHING)

I'm just teasing.

But I don't think

your dog's gonna want to

eat that either, though.

He's lucky I feed him

anything at all after

he tore up my couch.

Mmm.

(CHUCKLES)

See? He ain't no lamb.

He's a tiger.

That's right, girl.

He's all tiger.

Well, maybe he thought

that couch was healthier

than the landfill

you're giving him.

Hey, dude?

How about you stop worrying

about what I feed my dog

and worry about surfboards,

or whatever the f*** it is

you think about?

I'm sorry.

how much better

the good dog food

is for your dog.

Yeah,

it's 10% more expensive.

But it's like

I just...

You trying to get knocked

the f*** out, motherf***er?

No, no, no.

Huh?

'Cause you got the right guy.

I'll knock a n*gger

out holding a baby.

(RECEIPT PRINTING)

Thank you for

shopping at Field's.

I'm just thinking about,

you know, the beautiful

little creature out there.

But I'm sorry.

Have a nice day, sir.

So, a little dog food?

Yeah. How are you doing?

Good.

Where the f***

is your leash?

That f***ing

son of a b*tch.

(GROANS)

(GRUNTING)

Come on, buddy! Yeah!

Get you where we can

play around a little bit.

Yeah! How's that feel?

Right?

All right?

Let's eat some dog food.

All right, buddy?

Chill the f*** out, man!

No, I am chill.

Don't do nothing stupid!

You like this. You want it.

You said you liked it!

You said it's good!

Don't you remember?

It's high-priced f***ing

chicken feet dog food!

Eat it, brother!

Baby, let's go, okay?

Yo! Get your man straight!

Hey, babe.

I'll be there in

a second, okay?

No, man!

Get in the car!

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