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Was sweet and real.

You are so naive, it's adorable.

Oh, no, no lunch is fine. I, I

look better around noon anyway.

Not, not even joking about that

actually.

It's just, nights aren't always

great. It's when I paint and...

Yeah, yeah that is so cool.

You know I've never actually

dated an artist.

Ah... actually, there are many

professions of which

I have not dated a woman.

Did I just say "of which?"

Hey, ask first. I'm not a piece

of meat.

Yes, you are.

I really, really do think that

it's great you're an artist.

I mean what is that like?

Ummm... I'd prefer to talk about

your job.

Why?

I'm sure it's interesting.

Well you know, you manage a

staff,

and you try to make customers

happy.

I've... you're going to have to

trust me on that.

Than why do you do it?

Well I guess I prefer it to

being homeless.

I, I... okay I started out as a

waiter,

thinking I'd be an artist... Uh

well a writer.

But you know, that didn't work

out so...

Oh well you know... the, the

book industry is so corrupt,

It's all who you know.

I've never heard that before.

Oh yeah, yeah it's like every

son or daughter

of a famous author has a book

deal.

Like who?

Ummm, there's, there's, there's

um...

Mark Hemmingway? And, and

there's Kevin Grisham.

Yeah, yeah I made those up, I'm

sorry.

Okay the truth is, I, I only

wrote one book and

I didn't even finish it.

You don't have to talk about

this if you don't want.

Thank you so much.

Ac, you know actually I do feel

comfortable

talking to you about my writing,

or non-writing.

Um, I... feel like I could tell

you anything.

God, sorry that, that's a stupid

thing to say on a second date.

No, no, no, I thought it was

sweet.

A bit pathetic, but sweet.

No, seriously, I loved it.

See? You really are the perfect

woman.

Oh I... don't know about that.

Yeah, you are, you are. Trust

me.

Hey! It's Saturday night, we are

gonna do it.

We are gonna doooooo it!

Common, time to get paid and

laid Ricky.

Paid and...

Come on, hog. It's been almost

nine days!

I can't believe you're not over

this chick yet.

Ten days! It's been ten days.

And stop saying "paid and laid!"

IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING!

No it doesn't, no it doesn't.

What, is someone gonna pay us to

have sex?

Huh? Huh? What the f*** does it

mean, cowboy?!!

I don't know it's just something

I say...

to keep things light and airy.

Did you just call me "Cowboy"

Ricky? Ric, Ricky.. you drunk?

Yes, I believe so.

Hey you don't drink.

I do now, hog! I do now.

I still don't know what the HELL

happened.

I, I was... the perfect woman

pops into my life,

I tell her she's perfect and she

runs away faster than...

who's a fast woman?

Flo-Jo? Oh, sh*t, she's dead,

isn't she?

I'm going to make you some

coffee, man.

No I don't want coffee! I want

Danita!

I finally met a woman I feel

that that magical thing

a**holes brag about at parties.

Please God, don't take her away

from me.

Not after I've waited so long.

You're out of coffee.

Swissmiss?

It's Danita.

What?

It's Danita.

Ha, ha, ha. That's twice, God.

Sh*t, you're good.

Hey...

Hi...

You're not gonna to run out

again, are you?

'Cause, this time, I'll just

order an appetizer.

I'm so sorry...

No, no, it's okay,

I was just trying to diffuse an

awkward moment.

Now I'm going to try and diffuse

this one.

I like you, Ricky. I really like

you.

I really, really, really like

you.

That's the most 'reallys' I've

ever said in one sentence.

Really?! Me too.

It's, it's funny because I've

always hated

ALL those movies where,

where a couple falls in love

right away,

but now I know it just pissed me

off 'cause

it had never happened to me.

I'm married.

You said I was perfect, Ricky.

I'm not perfect. I'm a... I'm a

jerk.

Yeah...

No I know it was wrong, I know.

Look, I've been married for nine

years. Nine miserable years.

And just one day, I was at my

friend Anna's place,

she's on E-Happily, and I saw

your profile.

It was so vulnerable, so wear

your heart on your sleeve sweet.

You, you said you'd been waiting

all your life

to meet your "heart-ner,"

and what a sweet word, and that

even though you were agnostic,

you prayed to God she was still

out there.

Wow, you really did read my

profile.

It got to me.

And I thought you know

maybe I don't have to be

miserable and...

I just joined so I can meet

you.

I just pretended to be single

and an artist,

I just pretended to be the

person

I used to be back when I was...

still alive and...

Do you really have cats?

Yes... Two. Sidney Crosby and

Chairman Meow.

Cool, that's all I cared about.

Now can you just get a divorce

and marry me by six tonight?

You're great, you're so great

know that?

I can never see you again,

Ricky.

Look you don't know my husband.

He'll just, he'll never allow me

to leave him.

Never allow a 'great man' like

him to be embarrassed...

Uh, who cares if his precious

ego is bruised,

you're miserable and we should

be together...

He'd kill me.

He would kill me. He's said

that, again and again,

"if you ever walk out that door,

you ungrateful b*tch,

I will kill you."

Only he didn't say it quite as

nice.

Jesus.

Yeah he's a bad guy, Ricky. He's

a bad guy.

I didn't know that when I met

him, but oh god...

he'd kill both of us right now

if he saw us together.

That's interesting.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Ricky.

You...

you're "the one," and... I can

never see you again.

My Hickory Grilled Chicken

Sandwich isn't "hickory" enough.

Huh?

Am I not speaking English? I

said it lacked hickory.

Well... that's life.

What?

I, I'm sorry... sir.

You wanted more of something and

you were disappointed.

It hurts, doesn't it?

That's a little melodramatic.

Hello...

Holy sh*t-balls!

Yes, ya, ya, I will meet you

anywhere.

Where?

God, is it good to see you.

I wanted to meet you here...

this is my happy place.

I knew you'd love it too.

They um, they show movies up on

that wall...

over the graves of dead movie

stars.

They don't mind?

No one said anything.

Guess what movie they're playing

tonight, Ricky.

Um...

Guess.

Ahhhh "Cool Runnings?"

I'm, I'm... really bad at

guessing...

"Lost in America."

That's my favorite movie!

OMG, you read my whole profile.

Tonight was great.

I was so happy you called.

Beyond happy.

Exultant.

I don't think I've ever used

that word before.

I couldn't stop thinking about

you.

I can't go back to my old life

now.

I deserve to be happy. I...

I deserve someone like you.

So, when are you going to tell

your husband you're leaving him?

Christ, how are you going to

tell him

you're going to leave him.

I'm not going to tell him.

Uh but uh...

We have to kill him, Ricky.

That's the only way we can ever

be together.

Yeah, okay.

Danita wants me to kill her

husband.

Pardon?

She said if she ever tried to

leave him,

he'd find her and kill her.

Wow what an a**hole.

Well, at least you got a chance

to say goodbye to her.

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