Holiday Camp Page #5

- Oh, hello.

- Hello.

- Who was that?

- Just a girl.

What do you mean, just a girl?

lt was that woman from the dance hall, wasn't it?

Well, suppose it was?

You ought to be ashamed of yourself,

a man of your age!

What am l supposed to do? lgnore her?

You better had, if you want me to stay here.

Look, the beauty competition starts

in 20 minutes.

- Tell me what l'm supposed to do about that.

- Give me those things, for a start.

OK, OK.

Anything for a quiet life.

l always think men like red toenails.

Don't you, Miss Harman?

l'm afraid l wouldn't know about that.

- Oh, you're writing. Sorry.

- That's all right.

ANNOUNCER:
Hello, campers. Are you all

getting ready for the beauty competition?

lt starts in five minutes. Come on now, lassies.

Give the lads a treat.

A thing of beauty is a joy forever.

Don't be late. You've just five minutes left.

That fella's voice does something to you.

As a matter of fact,

it reminds me of someone l used to know.

You must have hated him

for it to worry you like that.

No, l was very fond of him.

That's why l came here, really.

l don't get it.

There used to be a camp here in the last war.

l mean the one before the last, in 1 91 8.

Alan, he was the man, was stationed here.

- l came up to say goodbye to him.

- Go on.

That's all. l never saw him again.

lt's silly of me to be talking about it.

lt's a long time ago.

l think if you don't talk about things

you get all bottled up inside.

But there, l expect you want to get on

with your letter.

- Where does the announcer's voice come from?

- The control tower.

Control tower?

lt sounds like a prisoner of war camp.

That's right. Only we're the prisoners! (Giggles)

Yes...

..we're the prisoners.

ANNOUNCER:
One more announcement

before the beauty contest.

lf you want to rise high in the world, why not

pay a visit to Farley Airport near the foreshore?

Flights every half hour till 6.:00pm.

Charter a plane and take a bird's-eye view

of your chalet, if you can spot it.

- Hello. Are you feeling better?

- Yes, thank you.

- Nothing serious, l hope.

- No, just a faint.

Aren't you going in for the beauty competition?

- l want her to, but she's not feeling very good.

- l'm all right, l just don't want to be stared at.

Come along, Michael, you'll be late.

ANNOUNCER:
And now, campers,

the beauty competition is about to begin.

So will all beauties please join the line

now parading round the pool over there?

This is Gerry Wilmot, your holiday camp MC

calling all beauties.

Come along there, girls. lf you don't come

of your own accord, we'll come and get you.

- Oh, come on, Joan, it's only a lark.

- Oh, l don't want to.

lt'd be different if l'd done myself up

as you have.

Me? My dear, l haven't done a thing!

l look an absolute mess.

Oh, come on. You don't need to be really pretty.

Come on, my dear!

Join in with all the other lovelies.

- l'm not going in.

- Oh, yes, you are!

Come on, Bill. Upsadaisy.

MC:
That's the idea!

Now we're really getting somewhere!

But surely there are more beauties

who'd like to give the boys a treat?

Don't be backward about coming forward.

Get right on the end of that line

parading round the pool.

Say, you must have been beautiful babies.

Just look at those eyes, those teeth, that hair!

Yes, sir! Every colour

that comes out of a shampoo bottle.

Blondes, brunettes, redheads. l've never seen...

Yes, it's not a bad collection of fillies.

But you should have seen the turnout

at the Battle of Flowers at Monte.

MC:
Get a load of those luscious limbs.

Remember though, just look, don't touch.

- Hiya, blondie!

- Ow!

(Posh voice) Oh, l say, what a smasher!

And now our visitor, the celebrated film star,

Miss Patricia Roc, has arrived!

MC:
Now girls, l want you to stop and sit right

where you are now, on the edge of the pool.

Then go up to the rostrums three at a time.

Go up, face the judges, turn round once,

and don't forget to smile,

and the very best of luck to you all.

(Applause)

(Applause)

(Applause)

(Applause)

(Drum roll)

MC:
Well, ladies and gentlemen, the judges

have selected the winners and here they are.

First... First is No.77.

No. 77!

Joanie!

Oh, it's our Joan!

- Congratulations. You really deserve it.

- Thank you.

Good old Joanie! Well l never, Dad!

Fancy our Joan!

What do you expect?

She's a Huggett, every inch of her.

Bred in the bone, son, that's what it is.

She always was a good-looking kid.

- Takes after my sister Edie.

- Your sister Edie?

She's nothing like her. She's the spitting image

of my Aunt Agnes, and you know it.

- l can tell you which one she's like.

- Oh, can you? How?

The one you can't rely on to keep a promise

is the one she's like.

- Ooh!

- 'Ere, just a minute!

l want to know what he meant by that.

Don't go interfering, it's not your business.

- My own daughter not my business?

- She's not your daughter, she's mine.

You let her manage her own affairs.

Jolly good show! You made the rest of them

look like a lot of cold Spam.

- Wait a minute! Where are we going?

- You want to be rescued from that mob.

- Did you see that?

- Yep.

Of all the nerve!

- l suppose he's got loads of money.

- Rolling in it.

Course he never spoke to her before,

but now she's the beauty queen...

- l don't know about you, l feel like a drink.

- OK, sailor. Could certainly use one.

l think people who pinch other people's people

are the end. Don't you?

That's right.

- Can't trust anyone these days.

- That's right.

- Can't keep anything to yourself.

- That's right.

lf it hadn't have been for me, she wouldn't have

gone in for the competition at all.

Yeah, that's right.

Finished your drink?

You weren't going to suggest another one,

were you?

- No.

- Oh.

Hello. l was just looking for you.

(Piano plays)

- What's the matter, Val?

- Go on playing, please.

- But Val, l...

- Don't stop.

- l don't want you to stop.

- l can't go on playing while you're crying.

Darling.

Oh, Michael.

Darling, what is it?

Michael, we... we've got to get married.

We must.

l didn't mean to tell you, but...

l'm going to have a baby.

MlCHAEL:
Val! Are you sure?

That doctor, when l fainted, he told me.

Michael, what are we going to do?

We'll find a way.

What?

l don't know.

But we'll find something.

(Sighs) Darling...

..everything's against us.

Hello, girls.

- l knocked for you last night.

- l heard you.

- You mean you were awake?

- l was shelling peas for tomorrow's dinner.

Let me past, please.

- Now look, l want a partner for tennis.

- Try some other department, this one's busy.

- Snap out of it. l thought you were intelligent.

- l am. Too intelligent.

Well, whatever l've done, l'm sorry.

- Now, will you play?

- (Gasps)

Not if you insist on breaking my wrist!

All right, Romeo.

Hold on here while l get my racquet.

- l'll be waiting.

- You'd better be.

- Where's Angela?

- Gone to get her tennis racquet.

- So you got your own way again.

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