Holy Man Page #5

No, he's at home. He's fine.

Don't you want to know how I am?

Judging from McB's reaction

to your new fax, you're in rare form.

Really? What do you mean?

He liked it? No.

He liked it? Of course he liked it.

You know why? You know why?

'Cause I'm a born game-on-the-line,

final seconds, go-to guy.

Pressure is my mistress.

What'd he say? What'd he say?

- He said they were hilarious.

- Hilarious?

He was weeping in there this morning,

and it takes a lot to make him laugh.

Yeah. I know, I know.

He seemed a little... down.

- He says he can't wait

to see your real ones.

- Right.

You know, it was really smart of you

to get him in a good mood.

May make it easier for him to take

last night's numbers. Down two percent.

Grass mats were a catastrophe.

We sold one.

- You I will see later.

- Okay.

See you later.

Okay. Please, please

let this party work for me.

You know, I don't know

what's the matter.

I seem to be doing

everything wrong.

Okay. Good, better, best.

[ Snapping Fingers ]

Never let it rest until your good

is better and your better is best.

[ People Chattering ]

Oh. Hope I'm not

interrupting.

- Say, could we have

a little chat for a second?

- Oh, yes.

You may have noticed some

increased activity in the apartment.

Yes, I did notice all the flowers.

I think it's beautiful.

Right. That's because I'm having

a little get-together here.

- Wonderful. Oh.

- I know. It's a business function.

Now, uh... I'm not gonna

lock you in here...

'cause, well, frankly,

I think it's illegal.

But, um, as a favour to me...

uh, the guy who paid your medical

expenses and has given you shelter...

would you please...

stay in the room?

I'll be right here, Ricky.

Great. Thank you.

- That's quite an outfit

you have on there, Ricky.

- What?

Quite an outfit

you have on there.

Thank you.

Good night.

Think it's too much?

Personally, I would, um...

I would lose

the pocket thing.

Oh, the hanky?

- The hanky? Yes.

- I like the hanky.

It's just a traditional, uh--

[ Chuckling ]

I don't like it.

[ Chuckles ]

Okay.

Uh, so before we start,

do you want anything?

You know, there's frozen stuff--

pizza or whatever.

And you've got a jar of that

delicious "urinade" in the fridge.

Oh. I'm fine.

I have everything that I need.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Have fun.

- Thank you. You too.

- [ Jazz ]

- [ People Chattering, Laughing ]

[ Woman ]

That's what he said.

You know, our numbers are competitive

with all the other channels...

but our demographics

are just the best in the business.

I saw ads on laundry balls.

I should put my programme

next to a laundry ball ad...

when I'm entirely working

on beauty?

How can I be close to that kind of--

It's too vulgar.

Absolutely. Can I introduce you

to a beautiful person?

I'll be right back.

Excuse me one second.

- Thank you so much.

- You're welcome.

- You look just gorgeous.

- As good as a foot model?

- [ Laughs ] Better.

- Better.

Ricky, this is Scott Hawkes.

Trust me, this woman has

the most elegant toes I've ever seen.

That's fine, Scott.

- Can I take you right over to see--

- Nino! Che cosa?

Oh, Scott Hawkes.

How nice.

Yes, he's a jerk;

no, we're not together...

and, trust me,

he's the best at what he does.

- When did he see your toes?

- Why don't you introduce me?

Uh, Signore Nino Cerruti,

Kate Newell.

- So nice to meet you.

- Enchanted.

- How was your flight?

- Fine. Great.

-Great. Are you having a good time here?

-Yes, very nice, thank you.

Wonderful. Well, hopefully

we'll be able to show you around.

Gee, I see a slight

catering issue.

I'll be back in a flash.

Nino, Kate, whatever your name is,

excuse me one second.

Kate, take over, please.

Oh, excuse me. Hello.

Oh, G, G, what are you doing?

Back, back.

- Oh, I had to go stinky.

- Oh, go stinky?

Aren't you like a guru,

like an lndian fakir?

You control your bodily functions.

Try that. Try that.

Ricky, everything is so lovely,

but it's so sombre here.

- Why don't you let the people

enjoy some of your things?

- We talked about this.

- Wait a minute, G.

- I'm sure a little music

will liven this place up.

Hello. How are you?

I'm sure the music...

will lighten

this whole place up.

- What did you push? G, please.

- And the night in Barbados--

- Don't do that.

- [ Rock lnstrumental ]

- Okay. Okay. Sorry.

- Oh, Ricky.

Liven the room up.

Kate! Hello.

- Hi, G. I'm terrific.

- How are you, Kate?

It's so wonderful to see you too.

Look at this woman.

Every time I see you, I feel like

I've chosen the wrong path.

- Aw! Thank you.

- That's spectacular.

Okay, let's go talk.

- Who's your friend, Rich?

- I'm G. How are you?

- G, Scott Hawkes,

Hawkewind Productions.

- Hello.

This is, uh, G,

my yoga instructor.

You know, sometimes I find that

a good kundalini thing, Nino...

opens up my whole--

[ Whistles ] you know, I find.

- I meditate too.

- Do you really? That's good.

I am trying to overcome

a fear of flying...

but for the moment

with little results.

Well, no-- Did you ever try

Halcyon and a double Cuba Libre?

I'm serious, just... boom,

knocks you right out.

You know, I could cure

that fear of flying of yours

without alcohol or drugs.

Oh, but you don't have time, do you?

Aren't you due back at the ashram-isha?

What's the name of the--

The chakra convention.

Could you do something really?

I'm interested.

- Oh! No, no!

- Well, you know, there are

two things that you can do.

The first thing is:

The next time you're in an aeroplane...

and you start to feel fearful, you reach

down and you grab your testicles--

- [ Guests Laughing ]

- Testicles? lnteresting.

- And then you pop them together,

and the fear leaves.

- We're gonna go now.

There must be another method,

and probably less painful.

[ Laughs ]

Yes. Well, the other method is,

I can hypnotize you right now...

and you'll never, ever

have a fear of flying again.

Yeah. Maybe later.

Can we do that later?

Nino, have you tried

the squid pomodoro?

- [ Simultaneous Chatter ]

- Mmm! I think you'll like it.

For you-- Aren't you hungry?

No, no. Really,

I'm interested. I'm curious.

The man's curious.

Have a seat, Nino.

- Curiosity is

a wonderful thing, curiosity.

- It killed s-somebody.

Put your hands palm down on your knees

and just relax. Sit straight up.

- And I need a lighter.

- I got a Zippo.

You do, Scott Hawkes?

Okay. Perfect.

Everybody gather around.

Hi, everybody! My name is G.

- [ Guests Together ] Hi, G.

- Hi. I'm going to be hypnotizing Nino.

He's having a problem here

with fear of flying.

We're going to try to get him over

that fear. I'm gonna hypnotize Nino...

and try to help him out here;

kind of like a party trick.

I want you to just relax

and just watch this flame, yes?

Just watch the flame.

Just relax, Nino.

Your eyes are getting

very heavy now.

You're getting tired

and lost in the flame.

You're going to sleep.

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